Survivor: The Unbelievable Bloombergini Wins Round I of Prediction Challenge

I am the Unbelievable Bloombergini, and I have powers beyond the imagination. In the past, I have put those powers to use in mundane ways, such as finding lost children and telling the police who committed a wide variety of crimes. But these cases grew tiresome. I yearned for a niche that I could use to really explore the wide range of my immortal powers.

When Survivor came along, I knew I had found that niche.

I have put myself out here on the Web so you – the readers, the skeptics, the unbelievers – can see for yourselves how vast my psychic powers are. Indeed, one skeptic calling himself the “Manly Man” thought that he could out-predict me! Ha!

Our first round of predictions were made when eight contestants were left. I specifically listed the four players who would be voted off: Jerri, Nick, Amber, and Rodger. As we all now know, that was exactly correct. Of course, I know you, my loyal readers, never doubted me.

The Manly Man also appears, at first glance, to have been correct. But as I noted at the time, he hedged his bets by adding in Colby in case he was wrong about Amber. Nice try, Man, but people aren’t going to fall for that. In addition, of course, he simply made incorrect predictions about the order in which they would be booted. For example, he specifically predicted that Rodger would be the next one off – even falling for the fake spoiler information saying that he would also be injured. Ha! So much for the Zoink-Meter! And he said Jerri would not be booted off right away, but later. Yet she was the first one gone after our predictions.

He’ll probably try to find somebody else to blame. Or maybe he’ll claim the Zoink-Meter was on the fritz or overly zoinked or some such nonsense. But the fact of the matter is that I predicted things correctly and he did not. Thus, the readers know who to believe when it comes to future predictions. Let’s face it: I have immortal powers. He just has immoral powers.

But you aren’t reading this to see me lord my powers of those of the Manly Man (well, maybe you are – if so, good for you!). You want to know my next predictions.

I have consulted a wide variety of magical means to find out who will make it into the Final Three. Specifically, I used special freeze-framing of the show to obtain scanned images of the contestants’ palms. I then read those palms to find out what their lives had in store for them.

I specifically stated in my previous prediction that Colby would be in the Final Three. Since I am always right, this, of course, has not changed. His life line is long, but is it long enough? It appears so. He is certainly the strongest remaining contestant – and was, indeed, the strongest all along. He will be in the Final Three.

What about his Ogakor cohorts? They, too, have long life lines. And by doing my complex metaphysical calculations related to their palm sizes, spiritual lines, and Kirlian auras, I have found that both of them are linked and will continue forward together. Indeed, their fates have been entwined with one another since the beginning, and only became stronger upon their ouster of Jerri, the evil one.

Alas, this leaves Elisabeth – dear, sweet Elisabeth – as the odd tribe member out. While she radiates an aura of strength and kindness, neither will be enough to save her from the power of the Ogakor alliance. Indeed, I sense fear in the others, likely caused by her kindness scaring the other players to the point that they don’t want to take the chance of being compared to her in the Final Two. All three of the others know they must rid themselves of her, no matter what else they do. For while they might compare favorably to one another in the minds of the jury, they will never overcome Elisabeth’s sheer charisma.

But do not cry for Elisabeth. Though her life on Survivor will be very short now, I foresee many lucrative opportunities for her after the show is over. Indeed, she will have the greatest post-Outback success of all the contestants, including those from the previous series.

So, now I have narrowed it down to the Final Three. It will be interesting to see what the Manly Man’s ridiculous Zoink-Meter has to say.

But what of the winner? Ah, for that you will have to wait a week, I’m afraid. Dealing with the spirit world always tires me. Besides, I don’t want to completely spoil it for you.

The "Manly Man" has made his pick! For such a supposedly macho guy, he sure whines a lot when he's wrong. You'd think he could just stand up and, well, take it like a man. Go take a look at what he has to say.

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