Dancing With The Stars 9, October 27: Double Trouble

Previously on Dancing with the Stars … well, just ask Kristen Swinton. She recapped it for you. Me? I do results. Let’s get to them, shall we?

Oh, okay. I’ll refresh you a little bit. The show had its first dance marathon (Jane Fonda was nowhere in site), the couples danced either the jitterbug or waltz individually, and we have our fifth new points leader in five weeks.

Tonight, however, we have something much more interesting than regular ol’ filler: a dance-off! A double elimination! Hosts Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris! Okay, they aren’t that exciting, but I do like Samantha’s dress tonight. Black with a pattern cut into the top of the dress that kind of resembles a Survivor individual immunity necklace.

But wait! We do have filler tonight! Taylor Swift is singing. My mother always taught me that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all (okay, so I rarely follow that rule, but I should), so I’ll refrain from sounding like Kanye West and just skip this performance of “Jump Then Fall.” You either like her or you don’t. Tom plugs Taylor’s appearance on the CMA Awards broadcast November 11. Just if you’re interested. Again, I’ll follow mom’s rule.

Okay, here are how the scores look after Monday, combining the individual scores with what they earned from the dance marathon:

And here’s my filler paragraph of the week: Please people, watch Dollhouse. It’s one of the best shows on TV (in my humble opinion), and it’s in real danger of being cancelled because nobody’s watching it. You mean there can be umpteen dozen forensic who-dunnits (CSI: Peoria, anyone?), but no room for a show as unique and thought-proving and Joss Whedon-tastic as Dollhouse? For shame, America, for shame. Okay, getting off my soapbox now.

Following are some of the more interesting comments made by our couples backstage: Melissa Joan Hart thought the waltz was her dance, but when it came to pressure time, she couldn’t perform it that well.

Louie Vito … rambles something about why he dropped partner Chelsie Hightower. Stop mumbling, kid. I can’t understand you.

Lacey Schwimmer (looking like a cat with pointy ears … kinda hot) warns partner Mark Dacascos to call what he did “improvisations,” not “mess-ups.”

Aaron Carter says Len Goodman is kind of like a father figure (really? Wow) since he hasn’t spoken to his own father in a couple of years (aww), so it was nice to get words of encouragement from The Judge Formerly Known As Mr. Grumpy Pants.

Okay, here’s the deal with the double elimination, as per Tom: The couple with the lowest combination of judges’ scores and viewer votes will be eliminated, as usual. The two couples with the next lowest couples will dance off against each other with brand-new routines (their choice of dance style) to determine who stays in the competition. Seems fair to me!

Couples who won’t be in the dance-off are Joanna Krupa and Derek Hough, winners of the marathon, and Mark and Lacey. They’re safe, of course.

The stars of Eastwick are in the house. Hey, Sara Rue’s on that show? I like her; I may have to watch it now.

Filler bit about how scared the contestants are by the double elimination: The contestants are all scared by the double elimination. And it’s Kelly Osbourne’s birthday. That’s pretty much the long and short of it. Happy birthday, Kelly!

More safe couples: Donny Osmond and Kym Johnson, both lookin’ all green tonight, and Aaron and Karina Smirnoff. Mya’s not safe yet? Now I’m getting worried.

Tom is only five-foot-nine? Sheesh, I’m taller than him! Apparently, Sam is wearing flats tonight, so Tom is feeling especially tall.

Our next filler performers have an interesting story: Tiempo Libre, seven young men who fled Cuba for freedom and have had their story made into a hit musical production. They’re performing their song “Tu Conga Bach.” I’m ashamed to say, I’ve never heard of this group before, but they’re fantastic, combining Latin jazz with classical music (or baroque, for you music sticklers – my dad would get mad if he knew I was calling Bach “classical”). We have some Latin dancers flashing Havana color – it’s a very lively, sophisticated performance. As always, your mileage may vary, but I’m going to check out these guys some more (that came out wrong, but you know what I mean).

On next week’s show, the stars will have created costumes for their professional partners (usually, it’s the other way around). We get a filler bit about how this is going. Donny meets with Randall Christensen, the show’s costume designer, and starts looking at leopard prints. Hoo boy. Michael Irvin is trying to get Anna Demidova to spout Russian curse words as she waits helplessly on the other side of Randall’s door. Heh.

Joanna is picking out Derek’s outfit and wants to know how many rhinestones can go on a Speedo. Oh no. Let’s not see that, please. Yes, the women are often scantily clad, but that’s different. The female body is a beautiful thing. The male body … just isn’t. Melissa thinks high heels might “freak out” her partner Mark Ballas. Randall says Melissa is freaking him out a little!

Mya sits back and lets Randall apparently talk her into something genuinely sophisticated, but Mark D. wants to know what Lacey might wear on a beach in Brazil (he’s looking at lime green tasselled bikini – not good). Randall is trying to talk Kelly into a print for Louis van Amstel. Kelly is debating on whether or not she should absolutely torture him.

Louie likes the idea of wool. Um … no. Further showing he doesn’t know his fabrics, when Randall mentions chiffon, Louie asks, “What’s chiffon?” He’d never make it on Project Runway (and I’m guessing he’s never asked, “Where the hell is my chiffon?!”).

Kelly (seemingly reluctantly) selects the flower-ish print for Louis that Randall suggests. Melissa is getting Mark B. a top hat. Donny steps out of the room wearing a white feather boa. Nope, they’re never letting him back in Utah.

Okay, enough of that. Back to safe couples: Mya and Dmitry Chaplin are safe! I breathe a sigh of relief, as do they. Happy birthday again, Kelly! You’re safe too.

So our bottom three couples are Louis and Chelsie, Melissa and Mark B., and Michael and Anna. One couple will be eliminated immediately, the other two will face off against each other. No big surprises here.