America’s Next Top Model 14, Episode 1: New Girls, Nasty Girls, and Nude Girls!

Okay, here we go! By now, most of these girls should know how the drill works. Before you get to semi-finals, know something about the industry. You should have practiced your walk, stood in front of the mirror and practiced posing, and you should definitely know where your strengths and weaknesses lay. Let’s see if this crop of girls has learned anything from the prior 13 cycles before them.

Tyra greets us by saying when she first thought of the concept of the show, she never thought it would end up as big as it has. ANTM is now seen in 150 countries and 17 countries have their own version of the show. Impressive! Heidi Klum hosts the German version of the show, and Mr. Jay Manuel hosts Canada’s Next Top Model. Now it is time for Cycle 14 of ANTM to begin. Who will cry at the makeover? Which girl will have the fiercest walk? What photo shoot will push someone to their breaking point? Well, we have 32 girls who have come to LA, but only one can win the title, so let’s begin!

We begin in Hollywood. One of the girls, Naduah, says they are walking into the Sheraton hotel, so they will probably see Tyra soon. Another girl, Anslee, says she is here from Georgia and is so excited. Alasia says she is ready to rip people apart. It is extremely clear to me that she is wearing a wig. Living in Philadelphia, I have learned how to spot a wig from a mile away. The girls walk into a room and on a screen there is something called Tyra’s “MyFierce” page. Okay, this is already ridiculous.

Tyra suddenly appears on the screen. She says she has 32 friend requests pending, so she has to narrow them down. She then “links up” to Mr. Jay Manuel and Ms. J Alexander. The girls start screaming and Tyra gets off the screen. Alasia starts screaming to the other girls that, if Tyra suddenly appears, she is going to pass out. Tyra comes around the corner and, sure enough, Alasia falls to the floor screaming. Insert eye roll here. Hallie says the girls cheer and worship Tyra like she is a goddess. Word of advice Hallie, it never hurts to kiss some a**.

Tyra tells the girls she has a lot of friends in her network and she has to narrow their friend requests down to 13 accepted. Alasia, at this point, is still flopping around on the floor like a fish pulled out of a lake. Tyra essentially tells her to get the heck up, then proceeds to “ask” Alasia if she is wearing a wig. I put “ask” in quotes because Tyra KNOWS it is a wig, but wants to see how Alasia responds. In proper ghetto fashion, Alasia admits it’s a wig, then rips it off revealing a rather lush head of hair! I’m as shocked as everyone else. Well, except for Krista, who comments that by telling her to take the wig off, Tyra saved Alasia’s life. I’d agree.

Tyra tells the girls that they must make their own profile page with the help of Mr. Jay and Ms. J. The girls all make comments about the competition starting at this moment. The first part of their profile page will be to take three “profile photos” showing their personality. Krista is first and she comments that she is 24-years-old and knows that this is her last chance to make the show since she’s a bit old to be getting into modeling. I actually mentioned the same thing in my preview article for this season.

Angelea says she made the semi-finals for Cycle 12 and got in a few disagreements with some of the girls. Oddly enough, I don’t really remember her, and I usually remember all the girls from this show. She must not have made THAT much trouble! Anyway, she’s back. Angelea takes her photos and Mr. Jay says that her posing has gotten much better. He tells her that he’s glad she has returned. That’s a good sign!

Brittany says she came to the competition in a different way. She won an online competition and Tyra picked her photo personally. Naduah comments that she has modeled for the past five years now, and she is there to not only learn, but to show. Okay, a bit early to be getting cocky Naduah – don’t you think? We quickly meet Danielle, who has a ton of piercings. She’s there to show that you don’t have to be cookie cutter to be a model. I’ve got news for you, Danielle… Yes, you do.

The next step in creating a profile page is to take a look at the girl’s “net walk.” Ms. J. will help the girls with this, and he tells them that he’s going to scan each of their walks to see who has a virus and who doesn’t. Please. I’m sure a few of these girls have a virus, and it has nothing to do with a “net walk.” The first girl to hit the runway is Alexandra. She is a plus sized model and admits to being the captain of every sports team in high school. How the heck is she plus sized if she is so athletic? Hallie says that she is a spoiled girl who gets an allowance and pretty much anything she wants. Oh yeah, this one is a winner. Gabrielle interviews that she is bi-racial. She can be white, black, or anything you want her to be. I see a lot of racial confusion in this one already.

The girls sit and chat. Gabrielle says that all the girls have such different personalities, but everyone seems to want to avoid Angelea because of her past drama. Gabrielle goes so far as to tell the camera that the mean girls never win. She knows this because she has watched the show since the first cycle. Hmm, well I’m not sure if I would agree with that since I would, in a way, consider Eva the mean girl from her season. Unless someone can tell me who was meaner than she was.

Mr. Jay tells the camera that he is interested to see how the girls present themselves since they have had 13 cycles to watch and learn. Time for the girls to meet Tyra, Mr. Jay and Ms. J. for some one-on-one time!

Angelea is up first and she tells the judges that she was a mess last time because she was messing around with some guy. I’m not sure what that means. She says she got a counselor when she got home. She cut her long nails that we see from Cycle 12, and thank goodness she did – she looked like a velociraptor with them! She tells the camera that she knows her stuff. She admits to still being ghetto, but she is “classy ghetto.” Listen, I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but being from Northeast Philly – I know EXACTLY what she means. I’m pretty classy ghetto myself. Tyra admits to seeing potential in her.

Hallie is up next and the judges already like her style. They can tell she is rich and spoiled and Hallie tells them that she is a trust fund baby, and that her mother takes her to Europe to go shopping. Both she and her mother have never worked a day in their life. Must be nice! Her godmother is Cybill Shepherd. Hallie tells the camera that she isn’t there for the money – she has plenty of money. She is there for the career.

Simone meets the judges next and tells the judges, in the most valley girl voice I have ever heard, how psyched she is to be there. Problem is that Simone is black. The voice doesn’t fit her at all. However, she says her passion is modeling and she’s an over achiever. She wants to be looked at as an educated black woman, but for some reason other black, educated women don’t like or accept her. So she joined a sorority for acceptance, where she is the only black girl out of 75 girls. She doesn’t plan on changing. Good for her!

Jessica meets the judges next. Her look is amazing, and she is so cute. She tells the judges that she conceived the first time she had sex – at 16. She met her husband at church, and after she got pregnant they married and she had the baby at 17. She is still working to forgive her church and sort of holds a grudge against them because the entire congregation does not accept them. What a crock of sh*t. It’s 2010 – people have babies unexpectedly. Get over it. I love you, Jessica!

Next to meet the judges is Raina. The judges love her eyes. She says that she wasn’t a pretty kid and was pasty white. She had a unibrow and didn’t have many friends. Raina admits that she came out of her shell during her senior year of high school. Jay loves her face, as does Ms. J. I like her too, but there is something about her that is holding her back. I can’t put my finger on it yet, though.