American Idol 9, March 17: It's Only American Idol (But I Like It)

Top o' the evening, readers. This most Irish of days will now celebrate the dismissal of the least popular contestant following a performance from the Jagger/Richards songbook. This... is American Idol!

Remember what happened Tuesday night? If not, here's a quick recap of Rolling Stones week – Michael Lynche started by giving the Stones an R&B makeover; Didi Benami played with fire and got hot; Casey James hoped it wasn't all over for him now; Lacey Brown tried to sparkle like a ruby on Tuesday; Andrew Garcia asked for shelter, but got hailed on by the judges; Katie Stevens rode some "Wild Horses;” Tim Urban stank once again; Siobhan Magnus painted it black, Tim Burton style; Lee Dewyze did his thing with "Beast of Burden;" Paige Miles sang through her laryngitis; Aaron Kelly intrigued the on-site judges, but bored a few of ours; and Crystal Bowersox continued to reign as the current queen of the season.

As Ryan canoodles with the judges, something terrible happens – we learn that the judges' save is back. That was pointless and worthless last year, so I'm not looking forward to this waste of time this year.

David Cook performs "Jumpin' Jack Flash." It's very David Cook, but since he's now a guest performer, I don't have to care. At least David doesn't have to worry about going home anymore. He tells us about the work on the new album and a trip to Africa for Idol Gives Back.

Remember those product-placed, non-bailed-out car company music videos? In this one, the Idols throw balls of paint at each other's cars to "Tick Tick Boom." I didn't know they still made Pintos. Oh, now they also get to make custom graphics for their own Fiestas. I care even less.

Let's start finding out which three must sit in the silver stools of suffering. Paige's voice is getting better, but it wasn't enough to keep her out of the bottom three. That was quick. Will Lee be a quick second? Of course not; he's safe. Siobhan invites comparisons to Adam Lambert, which must mean she's safe. Aaron got applause from the judges for his performance, though Randy and Simon disagree about a Justin Timberlake comparison. He's safe. Either Tim or Andrew will be joining Paige in the bottom three. Did America agree with Ellen and save Andrew or a certain counter-Idol website and save Tim? Andrew is... safe, which means bad news for Tim.

The other six will have to wait to find out who is the third member of the bottom trio. Right now, it's time to continue the week's rock theme with the current hit, "According to You" by Orianthi. Huh, I thought Orianthi was the name of a band, not the lady's first name. She's not a bad singer and the song is pretty good. She's one heck of a guitarist, though. Orianthi played with Carrie Underwood at the Grammys, and was set out to go on the This Is It tour with the late Michael Jackson. Wow, sweet.

Back to the grunt work. Didi gets called up first, and with a well-praised performance on her resume now, she is safe. We don't really need to be told that Crystal is safe, even though she agrees that her performance this week wasn't the best. Also, with just one space left in the danger zone, would they really surprise us and leave some of the twelve hanging? In that case, we should know the next contestant called up – Katie – is safe, though the judges disagree on what direction she should take with her music (Simon says country, Randy says pop-rock, Ellen says mariachi). Next up is Big Mike, so he's safe.

That leaves us with Lacey and Casey. Everyone here on RNO predicted Lacey going home (except for recapper Jenn, who may yet be right with Tim), but I also predicted a surprising bottom three appearance by Mr. James. Was I wrong? ...Yes, I was. Lacey fills out the bottom three. Looks like America finally realized that these three didn't really belong in the top 12. Simon thinks one of them is perhaps worth saving. (Really?) America saved two of them already, one being... Tim. Sigh.

Speaking of strangely popular people, here's Ke$ha. Yes, that dollar sign is supposed to be there. She sings her newest hit single with 3Oh!3, "Blah Blah Blah." My thoughts exactly. So, is Ke$ha vs. Lady GaGa supposed to be the new Britney vs. Christina or something? Would that make Orianthi the new Jessica Simpson? I sure hope not.

Finally, it's time for the three seconds in the whole hour that actually means something – the announcement of the lowest vote-getter of the week. Did Paige's laryngitis and generic performance doom her? Or did Lacey's strange choices earn her a ticket home, barring a wasted judges' save? The answer is... Lacey. Score one for RNO! In a bit of a twist, Lacey gets to sing any song she wants, choosing "The Story." It's not as good as last week's attempt, so I highly doubt the judges will save her. And... they don't. Cue the funeral video to that really bad Will Young song.

Next week, the top 11 do their best with a theme that I don't know yet. We'll find out next Tuesday when Jenn bravely covers another performance episode, while I get the much easier results show duties once again. See ya then!

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Tyler can be reached at tejayes@yahoo.com. What do you like? What do you hate? I mean, besides the return of the judges' save.

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