Manhunt, Episode 1: Big Guns & Bossy Women

Day one of the new UPN show, Manhunt begins with the 13 contestants landing on Hunter's Island and an introduction to the competitors: Wesley, 21, is a student; Nicole, 23, is a live event promoter; Joe, 22, is a corporate strategist; Karen, 30, is a biochemist; Jesse, 22, is a sheriff's explorer; James, 31, is an auto mechanic; Lucas, 24, is a personal trainer; Lyzz, 23, is a firefighter trainee; Jim, 36, is a minister; Ed, 35, is a hairstylist; Mandy, 23, is a journalist; Romey, 24, is a bartender; JK, 36, is a business consultant.

We also meet the "hunters," Alpha male Big Tim, a look-alike for Major Chip Hazard, and his henchpersons Rain, a mullet-haired woman (see photo above), and Koa, a pacific-islander type. They are armed with large air-powered marker rifles, which, I have been informed by my resident summer-camp graduate, shoot at a velocity of 300 feet per second.

The group finds a flat plastic-wrapped object, helpfully labeled "map," propped against a rock. Inside it states "Let the game begin - the map can be your friend." The map shows two routes to the first Safe Zone, a mountain trail and Slaughterhouse Slope, a more level, direct route. The group chooses Slaughterhouse Slope. James, an auto mechanic with a military background, has been chosen group leader.

They immediately enter a large brushy area, which makes them very nervous. The group hunches down and makes small darting forays, while peering nervously around. James orders them forward, saying "stop bunching up so much." The camera cuts to the hunters. Koa and Rain are guarding the trail, while Big Tim is on the slope. Koa finally spots the contestants from above and radios Big Tim. BT gloats "It's just like I told you; those pathetic suburbanites are taking the easy way out."

The first grenade goes off on a hillside above the group, causing them to shriek and scatter. More grenades go off in the slope, emitting clouds of white smoke. Big Tim fires paint balls, causing the group to race down the slope like panicked rabbits. The women shriek Amber-like "Oh, My God!" while the men perform dodge and roll maneuvers. They finally collapse in a stand of brush, except for JK, who is supercharged. She runs back to the huddlers in the brush, urging them forward. Big game hunter Rain shakes her head as she announces, "Animals don't react like that, only humans." Like what, running away, shrieking in fear? A cease-fire is announced.

The first signs of trouble appear in the group. James has hurt his leg in the mad dash to the brush. His pant leg is torn and he clutches his knee in pain. JK's gung-ho, take-no-prisoners attitude has been noticed by the other members of the group. She states in one of the camera interviews that she is there to win and says, "I'm not stopping for anyone, if we get attacked, I'm leaving." She also states that she is willing to mentally manipulate people, and will plant seeds of doubt every chance she gets. While this kind of attitude is admirable in an aggressive, type-A player, it should never be broadcast to one and all. We all saw what happened to Debb on Survivor 2.

Cut to Big Tim, "If one of these wanna-be warriors proves worthy, maybe, just maybe, I'll let 'em fight back."

Razor Flats - 5 miles to Safe Zone. We take some time to study James and his leadership qualities. Karen tells us that James is good as a leader because people listen to him, and that he "has command in his voice that we needed." Romey speaks of Karen, saying that she "could tell that Karen thought James was cute." Lyzz adds that she is also attracted to James, saying "there was something about James that when I first met him, I was real attracted to him." Even during a panicked free-for-all, love can blossom. Or is it just adrenaline?

Hunter Reload Point - stocking up on more paint balls. Big Tim pumps up his troops, "They've got an hour head start on us, we've really got to haul ass." Slamming an ammo box to the ground he snarls, "Remember, we're no longer playing with them, I wanna see paint!" This year's action figures are sounding almost lifelike.

The group dallies at the base of the ridge, trying to read the compass and decide which direction is North. Nicole expresses a need to be heard. The group exercises their democratic rights and votes on the route to take to the Safe Zone, choosing the Spider Cane Field. It is now midday. The cane field is a long, hot slog, filled with pointy, scratchy cane stalks. Everyone is tired, sweaty, and scared -- except JK. She is positively invigorated, and states that she is not afraid of people, and not afraid of pain. Uh oh, flash back to the Outback. Be afraid, JK, be very afraid.

Karen, who is referred to by Joe as a "delicate thing," is showing the symptoms of heat stroke. The medics are called and she is advised to quit. But delicate or not, Karen cannot face the humiliation of quitting on the first day, and decides to go on.

The group faces another crossroads, and chooses Red Devil Canyon, because it's not "the easy way out," and is the most direct route. Finally, a non-herd like thought. We hear more from leader James and his point men, Jim and Jesse. "Jesse is my right-hand-man." "He is a fantastic subordinate." "I have more confidence in Jesse than anyone out there. "Jim covers the rear and Jesse at point is pretty strong." And he doesn't forget the rest of the group, saying "it made a lot of people in the middle insignificant." JK isn't the only one who should shut up when they see that little red camera light start to glow.

The hunters catch up to the group, who are heading into the canyon/crater. Jesse: "I had a sixth sense about the crater; I was very uneasy, if I was a hunter, this is where I would attack." Bombs, panic. James shouts, "Go forward, go forward, " and the group surges through the ridge. Big Tim races forward shouting again about paint and boasting that "It'll be like shooting pigs in a barrel." Rain fires down from the top of the ridge, and Koa misses all his shots.

Big Tim has now vaulted into the middle of the pack and chases down Joe, aka "the fast kid in the red shirt and brown pants," while taunting him with lines like "are you gonna move." Joe is finally run to ground with a stunning up-the-butt camera shot. Koa has cornered Mandy, who politely surrenders her bandanna. Big Tim is still in an inspirational mood and encourages Joe to surrender, "right now." BT fondly calls Joe his "little maggot," when Joe calls his bluff and storms past. A cease-fire is announced.

Eight hours into the game, this is the score: Two marks: Joe. One mark: Mandy, Jesse, Karen, James, and JK. No marks: Wesley, Lyzz, Jim, Lucas, Nicole, Romey, and Ed.

In the Red Devil Canyon Safe Zone, Joe explains his feelings about being hunted down, saying about Big Tim, "don't you ever try to bluff me like that, because I was never going to surrender to that guy." Mandy is surprised that the hunters "don't know who I am or what I do - they just want to eliminate me from the game."

When it’s time for the vote, to no one's surprise, JK is chosen for the gauntlet. Only James, after a little ego-stroking remark about how she is the "most capable woman," mentions that she is "confrontational" and the source of a lot of tension. Everyone else just gives the reason that she is "strong." It sure would be nice if a network would come up with a reality show where the type-A personality women that are always chosen for these shows could actually survive and even flourish, instead of being brought down in the first episode because they're "too aggressive" and antagonize the other women. Of course, JK dug her own hole when she spouted off about how she was going to run over everybody else on the way to the finish line, but who cares? I'd like to see a real survival of the fittest on one of these shows, instead of all the endless politicking and subterfuge. I was never so bummed out in my reality-show-watching career than when Hutak was taken down by the odious Lauder in Boot Camp. He had me a little misty-eyed there with his talk about his dearly departed wife, but showed his true Neanderthal tendencies when he chose Hutak to go out with him with the remark "Ah cain't stand bossy wimmin." Hutak was the one recruit who had the most grit and aptitude - she even got along with the other women! But, no, male chauvanism done her in.

Anyway, back at the Gauntlet, JK has to run a 50-yard course and capture a flag, unmarked. She manages to get almost halfway before she is taken down by Big Tim. She gamely tries to assert her standing and says, "I gave you a hard time though, didn't I?" But BT will have none of it and sneers "you call that a hard time?" Koa sniggers supportively while raking his hand across his throat. Big Tim pulls another weapon from his arsenal and cuts off JK's ponytail with an electric razor. JK shows her maternal side, sniffing that her baby won't recognize her now. Ed, the hairstylist, likes her new look, calling it "self-created." Maybe the big guy should call him in as a consultant. Rain shakes her head thoughtfully, saying "She had a lotta, lotta hair."

Big Tim delivers another pep talk, this time to the whole group. "You all made it to the top of the mountain; you all think you're a bunch of athletes; you all think you're in shape. He points to Joe, "I remember your face." Wesley asserts that Big Tim didn't scare him, "He doesn't control my destiny." "Me and Big Tim, we're gonna go at it." Now that's prescient.

Still at the Safe Zone, after twelve hours of non-stop trauma, our group of survivors should be ready to put up their hiking boots and have a little rest, but no, these frisky twenty-somethings have plenty of energy left for good old l'amour.

Karen reaffirms her attraction to James; James affirms his own attraction to Karen, saying that it "takes a lot of stimulation to pique my interest -- Karen has that." Lyzz, too, jockeys for his favors, saying that they "have a compatible sense of humor," but backs away politely when she sees James and Karen snuggling in the tent.

Then we have another flashback to the Outback, when the women in one of the tents trade "toe licking" hints, eliciting a chorus of "eeeeeeews." Another shot shows a pony-tailed woman (Romey?) taking off her t-shirt and lying back down between two (different gender) group members. This is where a little helpful voice over from Jim the preacher could be very insightful.

Meanwhile, back at Big Tim's digs, the hunters are doing a little pre-prep for the next day's fun. Rain is shown setting trip lines, asserting that "this is my idea of foreplay." She gets around pretty good for someone carrying two 20-pound water jugs strapped to her chest.

As day 2 dawns, surprisingly, no one seems to have gotten a good night's sleep. Everyone is bleary-eyed. It's all they can do to eat their breakfast bananas.

The group elects to take the mountain trail, because "every time we've been attacked, it's been in the open." Frankly, they've been attacked every way but upside down. If they could just forget the show-imposed herd mentality and run for it, the players might have half a chance. James orders them not to panic.

Big Tim picks up their trail when he finds a granola wrapper. The ecologically-conscious big guy snarls "anyone tell these worthless maggots not to litter?"

The group manages to set off a trip wire the crafty hunters have strung at foot level on the trail. Despite James' orders, the group repeats the behavior of the day before and tries to complete the course in thundering-herd mode. There's Big Tim again, chasing down his prey with cries of "you're mine!" But wait, it's not Joe he's after, it's Wesley! He promptly dispatches him from the game with all three paint balls. Koa runs down Lyzz and she surrenders.

Big Tim and Wesley engage in a knock-down, drag-out hissy fit. BT: "Well, well, if it isn't Mr. Destiny." Wesley: "You don't control it; you got me, but you don't control it." Big Tim then menaces Wesley with the razor, and Wesley is subjected to a very bad clip job.

Melinda Smith is a technical illustrator and writer with a background in graphic arts. She and her family live in Cincinnati, Ohio.

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