Surviving the South Pacific, Episode 1: White & Nerdy

Cochran decides he needs to learn how to open a coconut with a machete, as Savaii tutors him. Ozzy tells us he’s skeptical of Cochran’s physical abilities as Cochran finally gets the coconut open and jokes about how he wants to be a provider. He admits to us that he’s not the strongest guy but he has enough social game to overcome that. He hopes charm and humor is enough to stay around.

At Upolu, Brandon thinks Uncle Russell lacked in the social game. (By the way, Uncle Russell is not happy at the way Brandon has been talking about him, as evidenced by his statements on Twitter. He’s especially unhappy about the “Hitler” comment, and I can’t say I blame him!) He wants to provide food for his tribe and do things his uncle never did. To that end, he brings home the first fish on a spear (looks like they were provided with a lot more stuff than on some seasons). It’s not very big, but it’s a fish!

So how, you might wonder, is Brandon spear fishing without removing his shirt? He has it rolled up so it’s only covering his upper back and shoulders, which is where the tattoos are. He tells us that even with their five-way alliance, he will never reveal who he is. He doesn’t want to be judged according to his uncle’s reputation.

Sophie tells us she feels good about her alliance and that at least a couple of the people in it are really sincere. She’s a bit worried about Brandon, though, because she feels like he’s hiding something. Nah.

Time for the first full challenge! Probst explains it: On go, both tribes will race through zig-zagging pathways and a web of coconuts. They have to work together to get everybody over a ten-foot wall. Then one tribe member will dig a machete out of the sand and use it to chop a series of ropes and release a flood of coconuts. Three tribe members will shoot coconuts into their basket. First tribe to get enough to raise their flag wins immunity and a clue to hidden immunity idol (and Upolu will also win flint if they win).

You know how we always hear Probst tell the tribes that they’ll get a few minutes to strategize, but we almost never actually see them doing so? This time we do, as Coach lays out the best way to do various tasks, like getting people over the wall, and Ozzy also asks who is comfortable doing what tasks. Semhar says she can definitely do the shooting baskets part. Why do I have a feeling this will come up later?

And they’re off! When I mentioned the zig-zagging pathways, I didn’t quite realize they crossed and the tribes would have to essentially crawl through one another. This of course leads to some of what Probst calls “mixing it up” as they push to get by. Upolu gets through the coconuts first, and then to the wall first as well.

Rick and Albert go up on the wall so they can pull people over. Whitney is lifted up, then Edna is manhandled over it. And so on. Upolu is over first and Rick starts digging for the machete. Meanwhile, Savaii has most of their people over. They finish the wall and Ozzy digs in (what, they don’t have Cochran using the machete after that stellar demonstration earlier?). Rick gets the machete first, but only by a couple seconds as Ozzy catches up.

The chopping begins, but Rick is quickly through, so Upolu starts shooting baskets. Ozzy releases his coconuts so Savaii can begin as well. It’s Ozzy, Semhar, and Keith shooting for Savaii, with Albert, Mikayla, and Brandon on Upolu. Remember how I said Semhar’s statements about being able to shoot would be an issue? Yeah, she gets tired really quickly and can’t shoot for sh— um… we’ll just say she can’t shoot well.

Savaii is definitely in the lead, but not by much. The thing is that Upolu has three people who can legitimately score – the woman on their squad is contributing quite a bit. Savaii, on the other hand, has only two, with the woman being completely useless. Indeed, Mikayla makes the final shot and Upolu wins immunity! Oh, and to rub it in, Probst shows that the challenge was so close that one more coconut from Savaii probably would have done it – camera cuts to an absolutely miserable-looking Semhar as she apologizes.

Probst hands Upolu the tribal immunity idol, then tells them about the one hidden at camp. They first have to find a hidden clue and then find the hidden idol. Yes, the producers have made things a bit more difficult this season.

Probst asks Semhar how she’s feeling – exhausted, depressed, what? She feels sort of bad because she didn’t realize how heavy the coconuts would be. Probst calls out Jim for making faces behind Semhar’s back (it’s like we’re at Tribal Council already!) and Jim says if it were him, he’d feel “worse than ‘sort of bad.’” He feels sort of bad when he’s out of milk – he feels like crap now that they have to vote somebody out. Whoa, dude, don’t make yourself a target by overreacting so publicly.

But Jim continues in private, saying he’s pissed – she shot two baskets and wanted a sub (which was not allowed). She was adamant about wanting to do that. She failed. There’s no reason to keep her.

Upolu returns to camp in a much happier mood than after the last challenge (obviously). Coach says two things can happen in the wild – you can die or you can thrive, and this tribe is thriving. Christine, of course, is not happy because, as far as I can tell so far, it’s not among her possible emotions. She says that underneath the celebration, there is an uneasiness because of the immunity idol and it might get ruthless. I’d say she is the one who is uneasy over it, and she’s ascribing her own feelings to everybody else.