The Amazing Race 20, Episode 5: Our Princess Is in Another Castle

Nary & Jamie finish their beard. I think this is the most screen time they’ve gotten all season. Mark tells us he complimented the witch’s beauty even though she was “uglier than a mud rail fence.” Well said. At the castle, Art & J.J. have been delivered to the entrance just like they’re arriving for a ball. Now they need to find the king’s bedroom. It’s pretty awesome. Now they need to drive to a hockey/curling rink.

The roofing projects are going well. Kerri & Stacy promise to trap some children for the witch, who gives them their clue. Joey & Danny pass Art & J.J. Vanessa & Ralph throw a jacket at each other and complain about walking and are just generally not nice to each other. I certainly can’t see any reason why Ralph’s fourth marriage can’t be his best yet. He’s clearly doing something right. He interviews that part of him was laughing, knowing that Vanessa’s legs were hurting.

Joey & Danny get the clue from the bedroom. As soon as Ralph & Vanessa get theirs, he’s all, “Good job, baby.” She’s not in the mood to make nice. He replies that he “could care less,” so she corrects his grammar. Back in a nicer place, Mark & Bopper are done with their gingerbread and leave Radon behind, though not for long.

Dave & Rachel approach the castle… but not the right one. They also have to wait until the next tour starts. Jamie & Nary make the same mistake. Not only are they in the wrong place, but they can’t leave the tour group, so they can’t even go off alone to find out they’re wrong. Also, they paid to get in, so they’re out some money.

At the rink. J.J. & Art find a Roadblock. One of them basically needs to curl with gnomes. Let me repeat that: Curl with gnomes. Curl. With gnomes. TV is a weird thing. Anyway, J.J.’s doing this one. Rachel & Dave and Nary & Jamie finally put on their listening ears and realize they’re not in the right castle. Stacy & Kerri and Mark & Bopper also go to the wrong castle at first, but learn their mistake before going inside.

J.J. curls. There’s a funny moment where he screams at a gnome to slow down. But it also might have worked, and he’s done. He and Art are sent to Landhannes Farm to meet Phil. Third win in a row? Entirely possible.

Either Joey or Danny curls as Kerri & Stacy and Mark & Bopper go to the correct castle. Nary & Jamie and Rachel & Dave are already there. Radon gets their clue. Danny or Joey (I think Danny) finishes the Roadblock as Ralph takes it for his team. Vanessa tells him she’s mad but loves him. It’s not the best timing since he’s about to curl, but at least he kisses her and the tension is broken.

For the third week in a row, Art & J.J. are first to find Phil. This time they get a trip to Thailand. I think this is a prize they won’t be sharing. Phil jokingly asks the guys to withdraw from the race to give the other teams a chance. They say they will if he gives them a million dollars. Heh.

Ralph curls successfully. Joey & Danny (& Gnome) get to Phil in second place. Nice racing by them. Kerri & Stacy are next to find the clue in the castle. Mark & Bopper pause for a minute so Bopper can pray, and also possibly try to breathe without passing out. Nary & Jamie, now in fourth place, get to the Roadblock and Nary takes it. Radon and Rachel & Dave are next with Brendon and Rachel B. agreeing to curl.

Jamie thinks Nary can curl well because she’s good with targets. As a kindergarten teacher, right? Vanessa & Ralph, despite their problems on this leg, are third to the mat. Phil tries to keep them from turning the check-in into a counseling session. Vanessa tells us that if they start fighting again, she’ll just kill him. That would be a race first.

Lots of gnomes are being flung around the rink, and Rachel B. and Brendon finish the Roadblock before Nary. Stacy & Kerri are now at the rink. “Mother of pearls,” Nary swears. She and Vanessa would get along really well. Mark & Bopper are close behind. Now Nary, Kerri, and Mark are all curling. Rachel & Dave are fourth to the mat.

And then! Bopper finishes curling! And he and Mark aren’t in last place anymore! Also, Brendon totally slips in manure on the way to the mat. I won’t say that’s not funny. Nary and Kerri are getting more and more frustrated with their uncooperative gnomes. Kerri gets hers under control first, leaving Nary & Jamie behind in the rink. Nary’s final gnome just barely touches the center of the target, and she gets the okay to be done.

The cousins and federal agents head to the Pit Stop. The ones who have been fighting all night start fighting again. Mark & Bopper reach the mat in sixth place, getting praise from Phil for coming back from last place, even with the Speed Bump. They say they used everything God gave them.

Back to the last two teams… and Jamie & Nary coming in seventh. Kerri & Stacy are out of the race. They blame navigational problems. Stacy shows Phil (and us) a picture of her kids, who are really cute. They know they’re pretty awesome to have made it this far.

Next week: Azerbaijan has fire, water, and something really, really gross that I hope is mud.

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Jenn Brasler, an associate editor of Reality News Online and a writer/book enthusiast/secret spy from Falls Church, Virginia, has e-mail (jennbrasler47@gmail.com),Twitter (@jennb47), and a blog about ‘90s YA books and TV shows (‘90s Flashback). She can’t wait to hear how everyone pronounces Azerbaijan.

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