The Celebrity Apprentice 5, Episode 6: It’s My Party and I’ll Cry (And Stab You in the Back) If I Want To

Last week on Everybody Loves Lou Ferrigno: The task was to create a viral video to promote a spray mop, because the kids these days love their cleaning products. Clay and Penn had their disagreements, but even when Clay is angry he’s very Opie-like; meanwhile Tia was the women’s Project Manager, and Aubrey was a bitch. Lou impressed everyone and led the men’s team to victory, while Dayana was called out as the weakest player, and Patricia targeted Teresa, but in the end Tia took responsibility and got the boot.

The men are shocked by the elimination, and Arsenio believes Tia could have fought harder to stay (and I still maintain it wouldn’t have made a lick of difference). The women’s team enters and Aubrey interviews that the team is divided and they can’t even look at each other. This implies they were getting along so swimmingly up until then, which is not the case at all.

Lisa and Teresa are in cahoots as Lisa is glad someone called out Patricia for being a [bleep] and being on her phone all the time. Teresa insists if she gets thrown under the bus, she’ll throw right back—honestly, are we as a culture still not finished with that “under the bus” nonsense? It’s never made a bit of sense. Lisa tells Teresa she’s not slow, and Teresa interviews she’s the opposite of slow, deliberately not calling herself “fast” because that’s a whole different thing.

Lisa flat-out admits that she wants to get rid of Patricia and Dayana, because the fact they’re still on the team fries her ass, and she calls them both dead weight and brain-deads. But really, it’s all about the charities, right? And, cue the O’Jays!

Time to jerk some tears, as Lou meets a young girl named Abbey who is an ambassador for the Muscular Dystrophy Association. Lou tears up as he repeats his “everyone has a handicap” speech and references his hearing loss in relation to Abbey’s disease, and finally gives her the check for 50 grand. I really hate to sound cynical, but this scene seems a lot more contrived than some others have been. Maybe I’m just in a bad mood tonight or something.

Trump meets the teams on a rooftop and goes on about the magnificent view for a bit before plugging this week’s sponsor: Crystal Light, and their new “Mocktail” line of flavors. Their executives, Doug and Melanie, explain this week’s task: Throw a launch party for Crystal Light’s two new Mocktail flavors.

Project Managers are chosen: Aubrey is doing it for the women, and right off the bat she kisses some ass by saying what a huge Crystal Light fan she is and how she’s lost a lot of weight drinking it. Not a bit of it sounds genuine; even Trump isn’t buying it as he says it sounds like they’re going to win easily. In her interview, she says she’s done a lot of partying as a sorority sister (but I thought you were the nerdy one who got picked on! Or was that just a load of bull?) and as a member of Danity Kane, and she has a strong visual eye.

For the men, Clay is taking the reins, and interviews that Aubrey has an advantage as she’s a clubber. He then does my favorite interview ever on this show, as he says that Aubrey “popped right out of her mama’s chatch… [nervous high-pitched giggling]… and started grabbing onto that stripper pole. [To the camera] How’s that? Can you use that?” Awesome. (But seriously, where is this Aubrey hate coming from with him? Inquiring minds want to know!)

The teams must choose a Mocktail flavor: Peach Bellini or Pomtini. The women choose Pomtini, and Clay says since he’s a Southern boy, he’s happy with the Peach Bellini. The winning PM will receive $20,000 for their charity, and Crystal Light will kick in $30,000.

In the van, Clay wants to come up with a good theme, and Dee asks if Arsenio has thrown some good parties at his house; Arsenio says he’s a recluse and no one’s even been to his house. Clay interviews that the men do not go to a lot of parties so the idea of coming up with a theme is daunting. I’m curious as to why he took the lead for this task, then.

Forte is discussing their theme, and Aubrey comes up with the idea of the pomegranate being the “forbidden fruit” in the garden of Eden, and she tells us the Bible never actually says the forbidden fruit is an apple, but people assume it is. Aubrey O’Day—Biblical scholar. Debbie comes up with “the unforbidden fruit,” like they’re granting permission to indulge because it’s only five calories, even though I don’t think “unforbidden” is an actual word.

The execs Doug and Melanie enter, and they pepper the team with buzz words like “sassy” and “exotic.” Aubrey is now a bit nervous about their original concept, but says if you can’t take on a challenge and make it what you want it to be, then how good are you creatively, really? I just figured out who Aubrey reminds me of with that hair color—add about 40 years and she’s a dead ringer for Sharon Osborne.

The execs meet with Unanimous as well. Melanie says the packaging of the Mocktail line is “literally, a party in a pack.” I hate when people use the word “literally” the wrong way. Clay feels they need to think about having fun, and not about a stuffy cocktail party. Dee says they start honing in on their concept, and Clay comes up with a beach party idea. Penn questions if the room will be filled with sand and surfboards and whatnot. He mentions Clay calling him condescending last week, so now he thinks anything he volunteers makes the team feel like he thinks he’s superior, and when he’s in a crisis situation, he bows out. The beach party idea seems to gain some steam.