The Celebrity Apprentice 5, Episode 7, Part 1: Am I Blue?

Last week on The Boardroom That Wouldn’t Die: The teams were tasked with throwing launch parties for Crystal Light, which Aubrey totally loves so much because it helped her lose a ton of weight, you know! Project Manager Aubrey and Teresa didn’t see eye-to-eye, though for all the camera time that conflict got, I completely forgot about it. Meanwhile Clay sent Penn away, which was also nothing to write home about but this show wants you to think otherwise. Both teams went all-out, and in a Boardroom which somehow lasted for three days, the women were (briefly) unified but the men’s team still won. Aubrey and Dayana went after each other, but Trump is not about to fire a hot model or the number one source of catty drama quite yet, so Patricia got the blame and was fired.

We begin this week as Lisa is telling the men that Dayana is more of a team player than Patricia is, and she’s praying that Aubrey will walk into the room and one of the others will take the bullet (what are you, new here?). Sure enough, Aubrey and Dayana walk in, and Aubrey is in tears again. She interviews that the right person didn’t get fired, and Dayana is the weakest member of the team and is next to go.

Lou hugs Aubrey (even though he was making fun of her for crying) and Lisa jokes to him not to break her ribs. Penn tells Dayana he’s glad she made it through, but she’s upset too and she talks up Patricia in her interview spot. Arsenio tells her she’ll never be criticized for being choked up over her charity, as if that’s what she’s upset about. Debbie tells us their team is still emotionally dysfunctional and not unified and out to get each other, which is music to the producers’ ears. And, cue the O’Jays!

Clay meets with Kristy White, director of marketing for the National Inclusion Project, and talks about his charity while playing with Kristy and some kids in a park. He hands her both checks, totalling 50 thousand dollars. They play that game with the giant parachute, which I don’t know the name of but I always loved it when I was a kid.

The teams assemble at Trump Tower, as the Donald is quick to remind us. Today's challenge is to create and sell a My New York celebrity guidebook, brought to you by the Toshiba Tablet, which I bet Aubrey really loves and uses all the time. The women’s Project Manager is Teresa, which Trump seems happy about, and Aubrey wonders if it’s a recipe for disaster, presumably because it’s not her. Teresa interviews that team morale is down and someone needs to step up and turn things around, and she says it’s gonna be her. For the men, it’s going to be Dee, who is playing for the March of Dimes.

Trump says the team who creates the best book will win a bonus to their total, courtesy of Toshiba, and it will be judged by a great friend of Trump’s and a great celebrity. He doesn’t tell us who it is, but everyone now knows from last week’s preview, so thanks a lot, NBC! And we’re off!

Teresa reminds Forte that the team who raises the most money for their guidebooks wins. Debbie says Teresa takes control of the meeting by telling everyone they need to raise a lot of money, which they already knew. Debbie says it’s the Project Manager’s responsibility to bring in the largest amount. Dayana leaps in with an idea as she tells us she needs to be more aggressive and speak up sooner so no one accuses her of never creating or saying anything. “Well you never let me say anything, so shut up.” Yes, the team is unified already.

Over at Unanimous, Dee reminds us and his team of basically the same thing Teresa did – raise the most money and all that. Penn has an idea of shooting each team member in a different location, and explaining what they did in New York, or something like that. Clay has a concern that every picture will look the same, but I have no idea what he’s getting at – however, Dee likes the idea anyway. Clay says it wasn’t the best idea, and “I don’t know if it’s the entire head, but at least Dee’s forehead is up Penn’s ass.” See, without his childlike giggling, it just comes across as vicious.

Debbie and Lisa are in the van, and Debbie gets off the phone with an anonymous friend who wants to donate 10 grand, bringing her total so far up to $17,500. Lisa explains they’re splitting up the places they plan to photograph so they can get done by three and get to work on the graphic design. After a few shots with them, we switch over to Aubrey, Dayana, and Teresa, where Aubrey’s picture is being taken at some unnamed place. Aubrey interviews that it is like “two blondes trying to be nuclear physicists,” and she feels stranded and in prison with the two of them because she’s not used to working this slowly and ineffectively. Full of compliments, that one.

Then after another quick visit with Debbie and Lisa, we’re back to Aubrey’s complaining, as she says Dayana forced Aubrey to take 36 pictures of her in one location backlit by the sun. Then she makes fun of Dayana’s accent. This is a good time to point out that last week Aubrey told us she was part of a campaign to stop bullying. The irony is too sweet, isn’t it?

Unanimous is on the roof of Trump Tower, which has some truly majestic views. Lou flexes his biceps for one shot, and Dee explains the idea is to tap into neighborhoods that they all have a connection with. Clay tells us that Paul is taking the East Side even though he’s pretty sure Paul has never even been there. Ah, there’s the childlike giggling. Lou takes Penn’s picture and tells a very morbid joke about having the perfect opportunity to throw someone he doesn’t like off the roof for suggesting he’d bring Lou back to the Boardroom. Good grief, he’s still bitter about that? What does it take for this guy to let something go already?

Debbie and Lisa are back at Forte’s suite with the graphic designer, and Debbie calls the other team to tell them to hurry their butts back. Aubrey tells her there are three places they still want to go, and Debbie says if they don’t make it back in time they won’t even have a chance to finish the book. Lisa gets in on it as she gives Teresa grief about worrying how pretty everyone looks. Gosh, I sure am worried that they won’t get finished in time… except that I’m not.

Dee tells us that Paul is a man of few words, so Penn took over writing for him and wrote the most negative description of the upper East Side that you can imagine. Lou reads it and there’s an awful lot of bleeps, which doesn’t seem so tourist-friendly to me, but Clay and Paul both love it. Paul tells us he’s not a New York City guy because he moved to the country a hundred years ago.

Clay points out a joke Arsenio wrote as not being funny, and Arsenio says something about how when you’re not funny, jokes don’t appear to be jokes to people who actually do them. Clay and Arsenio play fight over that while Paul looks on smiling, like a father watching his kids’ horseplay. This episode is three hours long.

Back to Forte’s war room, where the other girls have returned, and Lisa says it’s an hour and a half too late, but she says nothing so as not to distract from the graphic designer’s work. Debbie asks if they need signage and Teresa says yes, they always need that. Debbie interviews that no one had brought up signage or the aesthetics of the kiosk that they’d be selling the books at, and Teresa didn’t present her visual concept to the rest of the team. She says Teresa is serving as a distraction to getting the work done, which she resents, but she and Aubrey are getting ready to “power shop” to make their kiosk look halfway presentable.