Survivor: One World, Episode 7 Missing Intelligence Award – Me Tarzan, You Smarter Than Me

Instead, Tarzan just kind of butted in and assumed that what was once Salani’s was now community property. That’s a sign of poor social awareness within the tribal setting. Worse, when he was turned down, Tarzan made a comment assuming entitlement to the coffee as community property. You won’t get anywhere by arguing, dude. You want some coffee? Make yourself valuable to a member of Salani.

You scratch their back, maybe they’ll scratch yours back -- or be willing to share some of their coffee with you. But just kvetching about it isn’t going to endear you to anyone. This isn’t preschool. Jeff Probst isn’t around to make the other kids share their stuff with you. This is a social game, and you have to figure out your own way.

* Tarzan and Jonas quarrel during the puzzle-solving challenge. Tarzan gets defensive about his contributions, but it seems that Jonas and Probst alike felt that Tarzan wasn’t carrying his weight. Not helping the cause is a good way to make a bad name for yourself. So is getting snippy about it. I understand getting testy in the heat of battle -- I’d probably be subject to the impulse as well. But if a million dollars is on the line, I think it’s worth it to make sure you always think before you speak -- and try to help solve the damn puzzle.

* Then we have the big Tarzan-Jonas blow-up. Yes, Jonas was at fault here, too, but I bet not many people on that beach would have blamed Jonas for getting angry with Tarzan. Instead, Tarzan made a bigger scene by getting up and declaring that his alliance was through. He drew attention to himself in all the wrong ways and ended up looking like a loose cannon. Not a good sign if you want other people to give you a million-dollar vote.

In fact, Jonas pretty much made the point to Mike that Tarzan was a loose cannon because of Tarzan’s confusion about who’s in his alliance and who’s getting voted out. Tarzan thinks he’s controlling the show to some degree, but really, he couldn’t be farther on the outskirts, as we saw before with the Alicia/Christina debate.

* The undies. Oh, the undies. Once again, Tarzan bullied his way into a situation, much like with the coffee, wearing a sense of entitlement like a bad suit. Also once again, Tarzan completely failed to read the room, and this time, he managed to alienate Chelsea so completely that she actually lobbied for him to go home over the much bigger threat Jonas.

Throwing your underwear in with Chelsea’s in the hot water pot is rude and presumptuous. It is also, however, a simple mistake, the kind we all make from time to time. If you are told that what you’ve done is inappropriate and upsets someone else, the polite thing to do in any life situation is to apologize for your faux pas and do what you can to rectify it. In Survivor, it’s not just a matter of being polite -- it’s potentially a million-dollar decision.

When Tarzan saw that Chelsea was displeased with his actions, the smart thing to do would have been to apologize and let her take care of her own laundry, then do his afterward. The dumb thing to do was to argue about it, act like she was overreacting, and not take his own shorts out. Showing Chelsea he was willing to be cooperative could have gone a long way toward changing her opinion about him; as it is, Tarzan just lost one vote for a million dollars all because of a poopy-looking pair of underwear.

* The blow-up at Tribal Council was a continuation of the earlier fight with Jonas, and only cemented the notion that Tarzan’s a loose cannon. But Jonas offered an olive branch on his way out by telling Tarzan, “No hard feelings.” Tarzan’s response? “Hard feelings.” Yep. Tarzan just made an enemy of a confirmed juror. Way to go, buddy. There’s one more potential vote for a million bucks down the drain.

We’ve seen more reasons in past episodes why Tarzan is unlikely to win jury votes and influence people, but these are the major ones from just the last couple of weeks. Tarzan is this season’s Phillip Sheppard -- as if the world needed another one -- and the best he can hope for is to meet the same fate (a sound beating at the final Tribal Council). Frankly, making it impossible for yourself to win is as good as quitting. That’s why Greg Smith is the proud owner of one shiny new Missing Intelligence Award -- he’s not gonna win anything else.

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Chris Harris is a newspaper journalist from Somerset, Kentucky, and has decided to go with the nickname “Henderson the Rain King.” You can email Chris at wokosaurus@gmail.com.

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