The Celebrity Apprentice 5, Episode 7, Part 2: I’m Gonna Walk Like a Man, Fast As I Can

Have you read Part 1 of my recap of this week’s episode? If not, I recommend you do so. I’ll wait…

Picking up where we left off, we’re now in the stew suite, the teams discuss who’s leaving, and Dee again says Teresa is fired for not picking Aubrey. Guess who takes offense to that for no good reason? Aubrey calls it an ugly comment, and rails on Dee saying they all know he wants her to go home and he can say it to her face, and calling him “Shady Eyes.”

Dee claims he doesn’t want to send her home, and Aubrey says something about Dee kissing her ass, which he denies (what was she talking about, anyway?) and she claims she’s heard everything he’s had to say, which is kind of impossible unless the crew has been telling her. Dee says he’ll talk [bleep] about her to her face, and Lisa is confused as to what’s going on as Aubrey says, “He’s so phony, I can’t stand phony people.”

Man, hearing that from her is like hearing Betty White say she hates old people. Why did that get her so angry, anyway?

Arsenio interviews that Aubrey plays this game well, and she’s the ultimate troublemaker. He thanks God he doesn’t have to be on a team with her, because he wants to part of her. “Keep her over in that other room. Lock the door, throw away the key.” Foreshadowing alert!

Lisa is still confused as to what happened, and Clay and Dee go off on her for trying to stir up [bleep] like she always does, but this time on their team, because she’s done it enough on the women’s team. Dee tells us she’s a vixen who uses her “womanliness” to her advantage when she can, and he can see her tail and horns. He seems to know what’s coming too, as he relays the old adage that “Age and ruthlessness will always beat youth and enthusiasm. So, you know, bring it, kid.” That foreshadowing alert is off the charts.

Lisa and Aubrey complain about Dayana some more and hope she goes home, and in walks Teresa, followed by Dayana. Aubrey lets out an irritating shriek of happiness, until she sees that Debbie is gone, and Dayana looks way too smug about it. Lisa interviews that God must have it in for her because she’s stuck with “these two numbnuts bitches once again, who wouldn’t have an idea if it hit them in the face.” I’m gonna go ahead and say that Teresa’s plan to unify the team didn’t pan out the way she had hoped—just a guess.

Dayana explains that Debbie was fired because she raised the least amount of money. Clay points out that Aubrey would have been fired in that case, and Dayana says Aubrey was mentioned at the table several times, and how it wasn’t a smart decision from the Project Manager. That sets Teresa off, and they bicker some more while Arsenio asks for some popcorn. Lisa says she feels bad for everyone tomorrow. Hey, what about those of us who have to sit through another hour and a half of this show?

Dee is in a hospital meeting with a couple whose baby was born prematurely. The woman reveals they’ve been there 89 days, and tells Dee they spent 116 days in the hospital with their son after he was born. She says their son weighed one pound and eight ounces and their daughter is one pound twelve ounces. Wow, I don’t even have kids and that’s heartbreaking.

Anyway, Dee presents a representative from the March of Dimes (who really does seem surprised, and I don’t think she’s faking it) with the big fat check for $325,000. Needless to say, she’s grateful.

The teams gather; Trump walks in and tells the women that they’ve lost five out of seven tasks, like they didn’t already know that. He asks Lisa for her opinion, and she says it’s sad but they’ll win the next one, but Trump says they may not get the chance. The suspense builds as he says he’s going to switch up the teams!

Aubrey likes the idea, while Arsenio looks skyward as if wishing to be struck by lightning. But Trump tells Aubrey he has to break up her and Lisa, and suddenly she’s not so keen on the idea anymore. So Teresa and Aubrey are going to Unanimous, while Lou, Penn, and Dee are joining Forte. After that last bit of trouble, he didn’t put Aubrey and Dee on the same team? I’m shocked. Oh well, maybe we’ll get that long-awaited Clay vs. Aubrey showdown now.

So in case you need a refresher, Unanimous is now Arsenio, Clay, Paul, Aubrey, and Teresa. Forte is Lisa, Lou, Dayana, Penn, and Dee. Everybody got that? Arsenio shows how thrilled he is as he collapses to the floor, and Don laughs at him to “Have fun, Arsenio!” Arsenio interviews that he knows Aubrey is going to be dropping banana peels everywhere he walks.

Trump asks Lou how he feels about his new team, and Lou says he’s been married 31 years so he can tolerate women. This gets a good laugh. Boy, Mrs. Ferrigno is one lucky lady. Dayana tells us she’s happy with her new team, and if Lisa is still frustrated, too bad for her.

And now, to the challenge: Trump tells the teams they’re in the East 54th Street Rec Center, which as it turns out is kind of related to the task. We’re introduced to Joe and Mark from Walgreens, and after Trump pumps the company’s tires, Joe tells the teams that they are encouraging people to walk for 30 minutes a day, through an online program called Walk with Walgreens that offers rewards to users.

Mark says for today’s task the teams will be creating a live, interactive health segment that promotes the benefits of walking and the ease of the program to a live audience, as well as a new design for the program’s membership kit. Also, one of the judges will be Allison Sweeney, host of The Biggest Loser, which Paul seems vaguely impressed by.

Project Managers? Lou has stepped up for Forte again, because he’s the fitness guy, obviously. Trump asks him for a push-up again, and Aubrey needs attention as she asks if she can compete with him, and Trump allows it. Lou does them straight, which means he’s lifting himself up by the forearms instead of the hands—I ache just watching him. Everyone is impressed by that, and rightly so. Dee points out that Lou is going to be 60. Arsenio is taking the lead for Unanimous; he tells us he’s playing for the Magic Johnson Foundation, but also for his cousin, who died of AIDS.