Dancing With the Stars 14, April 3: Seal of Disapproval

Sherri & Val! And yep, she goes for a head banging variation on the Holy Ghost jive. “Let me go fix my weave!” she cries. Quips Tom, “Next week, Sherri will be over dehydration but in a neck brace.” Sigh. We love you, Tom.

Ooh, a twist! To help account for the fact that the field is so strong this season, Tom announces that after next week, and then for the subsequent three weeks, the bottom two couples will dance simultaneously for the judges, who will decide which couples goes. The “dance duel” will offer one last chance for the best dancers to stay in the competition. Good grief. I wish we’d had this in the past – especially in Bristol Palin’s season … then again, she wasn’t necessarily in the bottom two anyway, so it may not have done any good.

And now, Grooveline Horns will be sitting in with the house band to provide music for the Stars of Dance routine choreographed by Misha Gabriel and Nick Bass. I’m most impressed by the horn players, because they are doing some hot stuff musically. But the main attraction, the five-man dance crew, comes out in Rat Pack-type hat-and-jacket combos and launches right into strutting their stuff. The vibe is old school cool mixed with the spirit of modern hip-hop dancing. Well, there are now more than five guys out there – double that or more actually – but the ‘70s detective show theme helps us all travel back in time to an era of pure funkiness. The movements are all sharp, energetic, done with a sense of easy cool yet the utmost in precision. Good job, guys!

I don’t know much about Rascal Flatts. I know of them – they’re a country music band – but I always figured it was two guys named Rascal and Flatts. Apparently, it’s more like Monty Python, where it’s not really named after anyone in particular. They’re doing a song called “Changed,” and it’s country, so regular readers know my lack of enthusiasm is inevitable. You either enjoy it or you don’t. Let’s move on.

Sherri’s little boy – the inspiration for her dance – gives his momma a kiss before she goes on. I’m sorry, but Sherri doesn’t give me sexy/romantic/sweet. Everything she does looks kind of comical. That’s just her persona, but when Val is dragging her across the floor, I want to laugh rather than swoon. I’m not saying she’s a bad dancer, I have just have a hard time buying “serious” from her. I’d rather see her do energetic, quick dances where she can have fun. However, she’s seriously sobbing into Val’s chest after the dance, and her fellow celebs give her big hugs backstage as well. It’s all very emotional.

Also emotional? Peta, wiping away a tear before going on while partner Donald’s video plays. She gives Donald an affectionate squeeze, because you know he’s feelin’ it too. Like Gavin, Donald can’t find the words in his interview, and even I get choked up. Peta tells Donald that she’s proud of him, and his friend, the inspiration for his dance, would be so happy.

Jack gets directions from Anna to “stand up” during their performance. Jack tells Anna that she looked unbelievable and full of energy. She tells him he looked “fiery orange.” Heh.

Maks advises Melissa to stay calm and not to listen to the applause; “I’ve got you,” he says. He then asks why she’s so calm. She amusing asks if that isn’t what he wants, right? Melissa whoops during the dance, and even Len is hollering some stuff. Maks asks her if she had fun, and she says she had so much. “It’s about time,” he says. They hug a lot in confessional, and Maks tells her that it’s a pleasure and honor to have been there for her. She can enjoy the positive reception … until Wednesday. Heh.

We know Sherri is safe, but who’s next?

Donald & Peta! But of course.

Melissa & Maks? They’re safe too!

That means Jack & Anna are in jeopardy, right? Yep, that’s exactly what it means. Anna gives an adorable “aw, shucks” gesture.

So it’s down to Gavin & Karina (again), Gladys & Tristan, and Jack & Anna. And really, they probably are the weakest in the field … which would mean that they’d be solid top five contenders in most other years. Seriously folks, this is crazy. I kind of hope it’s Jack – like I said, Gavin has won me over, at least temporarily. Maybe it’s just the Billy Joel song choice.

But one of these three couples gets to be declared safe, and it’s Gladys & Tristan! The audience is very pleased. Tom talks to Gavin and jokes that they have to stop meeting like this. Gavin says that he doesn’t want to keep being a repeat offender. At least he was prepared for the possibility that he’d be in this position again, he admits. Jack is feeling gratitude, saying it’s been such a great ride, and he appreciates Anna and loves his daughter. Awww.

Let us wait no longer. The second couple to go home this season is …

Jack & Anna.

Gavin looks sort of dazed as Karina hugs him. Jack looks equally stunned, but that may just be his normal expression. I’m glad – nothing against Jack, he did some good work, but I found myself wanting to see more of what Gavin could do. I felt like I’d seen what Jack was capable of already.

Jack tells Brooke that he had a great time, and it was fun to test himself. He also appreciates the judges, and wishes good luck to the other contestants. He seems like a genuinely nice guy, but man … that outfit is an eyesore. I can’t describe it. My computer might break.

Anyway – next week is Rock Week! Sandy has your Monday recap, I have your Tuesday results, and Jack & Anna have their last dance. Until next time, keep safe and treasure your loved ones! If nothing else, this week has reminded us of that much.

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Chris Harris is a newspaper journalist from Somerset, Kentucky, and was more emotional than usual after losing his pet cat Buffy on Tuesday. Please forgive him for all the crying references this week. You can email him at wokosaurus@msn.com.

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