The Celebrity Apprentice 5, Episode 8: Mister Teutul’s Neighborhood

Back to Forte we go, and Penn and Lisa are collaborating on the script. Lisa thinks Dayana is less annoying when she’s in charge because she defers to other people as professionals, and when she’s not she’s always trying to squeeze in ideas like a little kid. She suggests letting Dayana be PM every day because it’s easier. That’s a backhanded compliment if I ever heard one… and I’ve heard plenty. Now it’s like Dayana has been very pleasant and cooperative, but Lisa can’t handle that either so she has to get a dig in no matter what.

The actors are in place as they get down to shooting. Penn is surprised Lisa and Dayana are getting along and respecting each other and listening to each other; he calls it “as close as this atheist ever came to experiencing a miracle.” Don’t jinx it, Penn, we’re only a half hour into this episode.

They run through it once, and afterwards Lou suggests to Dayana she get some angle shots to focus on the branding from the actress. She says it’s not necessary, and that concerns Lou because she’s young and she’s never directed before. They run it again and there’s a great improvised bit where the girl is excitedly texting her parents or something, and he holds her hand but she says, “I need this hand.” Trust me, it’s cute. Anyway, everyone laughs, but Lou won’t let the angle thing go, and Dayana still thinks it’s fine. Gee, I wonder if this will come up in the Boardroom later…

Unanimous gets down to business as their Director of Photography arrives, as well as their actors, hair and make-up, etc. They get down to making Paul look respectable, which pretty much involves coloring his hair brown and putting him in a long-sleeve shirt. But the transformation is complete, and damned if it doesn’t make a difference. Too bad he wouldn’t take one for the team and shave the ‘stache. Paul finds the turnaround funny, and thinks it will be tough to live down as a sweater and glasses are added to complete the ensemble (you can see the whole get-up in the picture at the top of this article).

Paul and the actress playing his wife are running thought the coupon-clipping scene, as Teresa has been bitten by the directing bug and says it feels good directing people and telling them how they want the commercial to come across. Suddenly Aubrey realizes no one has paid attention to her for several minutes, as she complains that watching Teresa direct is painful because “she thinks saying ‘Action!’ makes her a director.” She calls Teresa a Muppet Baby, because people put their hands in her and tell her where to go and what to do, and then makes fun of her voice (that’s happening an awful lot this season). Alienate the one ally you have on your team – that’s a brilliant strategy, Red.

Back at Forte, the last scene is being shot as the male actor suggests finding a coupon for a baby carriage, which everyone loves. Dayana and Lisa are actually in agreement about what they’re doing, but it’s Lou who has issues this time. He would have been happy acting in the commercial, but says Dayana wants to do it her way. Penn leaves, and Lou has a problem with that too, saying you don’t leave to do a job and come back the next morning because it’s wrong. He seems bitter that some people on this show still have careers to worry about.

Don Jr. arrives and chats up the team, asking about Penn’s absence, but Lisa tells him they got enough out of him before he left to get things rolling. Dayana tells Don the concept, and he interviews that Dayana seems to be in control but the major components of the task were delegated to Lisa and Penn early on. He figures it’s a good tactic on Dayana’s part, because if you win you win, but if you lose, you have someone to blame. He is shown asking Dayana about the team, and he seems really disappointed when she tells him that everyone is getting along.

Over at Unanimous, Clay interviews that Arsenio’s words about Aubrey in the Boardroom may have knocked things into alignment the way they need to be, and now it’s a healthy environment. But he adds that Aubrey is a loose cannon and it’s hard to know what she’ll do from one minute to the next. They run through Aubrey’s scene as Ivanka enters, and Aubrey tries to make the line, “You know it’s hard to find quantity and quality in the same place,” sound like a double entendre, even though no one has ever said that in any bedroom, ever. It gets dirtier, though, and Ivanka seems a little hot and bothered by it.

Ivanka tells us the highlight of the day, and possibly her week, is seeing Paul dressed like a dweeb, and she believes he carries it well. She gets down to the heart of things quickly as she asks about Arsenio and Aubrey; Arsenio tells her they’re cool and he wishes it had never happened (NBC thinks otherwise). Teresa starts explaining their concept but Aubrey interrupts and explains the “risqué” element and how the audience is in on the joke, and the captioning department makes sure we catch Teresa mutter, “Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.” Ivanka mentions Aubrey’s control issues to us, and says after the last Boardroom, the smart thing for Aubrey to do would have been to defer to Teresa as Project Manager. So basically Aubrey has learned nothing – and really, who’s surprised?

Back to Forte, where our couple is shooting their “meet cute.” Lisa interviews that no one likes being angry and annoyed more than her, because it’s fun. Wow, her definition of what’s fun is a lot different from mine. She says that people may faint when they hear this, but “maybe Dayana is more than just a pretty face.” She didn’t quite admit she was wrong, but that’s certainly progress. She adds that Dayana brought more to this task than Lou did.

And that’s the cue for the next conflict, as Dayana mentions the banners she tasked Lou with creating and they don’t think he’s started yet. She asks Lou about it, and Lisa believes he’s acting all “bumbly” about it as the whimsical music cue strikes. Lou seems to have issues with banner sizes, as Dayana and Lisa pretty much walk him through it, and Lou asks for help e-mailing because he’s not good with computers.

Lisa questions what Lou brings to the table. “I get it, you’re strong. What else you got, dude? What else?”

Over at Forte, Teresa delegates the editing to Clay and Arsenio since she can’t do everything and it’s getting late. She’s getting concerned with the time as they do an over-the-shoulder shot of Aubrey and her iPad. Aubrey is concerned, meanwhile, because Teresa doesn’t know how to direct and Paul is sitting in the back doing nothing. She says this is a competition about who is the most efficient business leader, and no one in their right mind would classify that as either Teresa or Paul. Wait, you really believe that’s what this show is about? Oh, honey – are you barking up the wrong tree.

Forte is in their editing suite choosing shots. Dayana says she and Lisa are working well today, and Lisa still has her loud voice but was fine while they were working, and she’s surprised. Lou suggests adding the logo in the left-hand corner, which Lisa refers to as him “getting his chops in.” They try his suggestion, and it really does look bad. She says his idea is stupid and he’s brought nothing to the table again. She says Lou is “eye candy,” and they’re just looking at him. Not being a woman myself, I must ask – is that true, ladies? Seriously, I’m curious now.

They get it edited down to a minute exactly. Dayana asks Lou if he likes it, and he says, “Of course. If I didn’t like it I would tell you.” So naturally he tells us he doesn’t like it (you saw that coming, didn’t you?) because it doesn’t focus enough on branding and more on how cute they find it. Once again, no one listens to Lou. Hulk make sad face. Hulk brood. Hulk alone in his principles.

Back to the Dynamic Duo we go, as Clay and Arsenio are in their editing suite. Clay says he and Arsenio have become very good friends and work well together. The rest of the team enters as Teresa asks about branding, but Clay says they’re looking at that last. Aubrey interviews that when they arrived, Clay and Arsenio had their feet up but changed their tune in the last thirty minutes and started saying they were running out of time. She’s sure they’ll find a sneaky way to put it back on Teresa’s shoulders. This is her idea of being a team player, I guess?