The Celebrity Apprentice 5, Episode 8: Mister Teutul’s Neighborhood

Aubrey is suddenly concerned that saying “old-fashioned” is the wrong term as it seems like they’re putting down the older books. Clay is concerned they have no way to change it, but Aubrey suggests a quick voiceover edit to “old school.” Clay interviews that he’s not sure that’s much better, but either way they had five minutes left. He says Aubrey is very smart and talented, but her biggest talent is covering her ass.

Teresa would have loved more time to polish things, but says if they lose based on how the commercial is edited, Clay and Arsenio are the two going down. As fair as that is, the way she says it still comes across as catty. Arsenio figures that with one play, the execs shouldn’t catch it, which of course means they will totally catch it.

Unanimous arrives for their presentation. Teresa and Aubrey pump entertainment.com’s tires, and they both sound really fake doing it. Anyway, to the commercial: It’s actually pretty funny, and Paul’s “Huh?” moment when he bursts in on his daughter and her boyfriend actually make me laugh out loud (or LOL, as the kids are calling it these days). After it’s over, Aubrey bares her claws yet again as she says Teresa thinks everyone is great friends and they all love her, but the second they lose, Clay and Arsenio will “start the gang bang on her” (wait, WHAT?) and she’ll get to see what Aubrey went through the other night. There’s one key difference, Aubrey: Teresa is someone they respect, and not a self-serving, manipulative, phony nitwit.

Time for Forte’s presentation, and Lisa uses the word “cute” for about the millionth time this episode. She says they’ll either love it or not, and they definitely couldn’t have done any better. Dayana keeps her intro simple and rolls the commercial. I don’t love it, really. Maybe it’s because it follows the other team’s, but the concept seems kind of simplistic in comparison. The execs look charmed, at any rate, so who knows. Lou expects fireworks in the Boardroom tonight, and says he doesn’t trust Lisa because she has two personalities. He calls her negative, mean, and abrasive, and he’s going to make his point that he doesn’t like to be called a [bleep] loser.

Trump meets with the executives and asks about Teresa as a Project Manager first. They’re impressed they presented as a team from beginning to end. Trump asks who was the star of the team (shouldn’t he be asking about the damn commercial?), and they loved Paul in his role as the father, as well as Aubrey. As for the negatives, they didn’t like the term “old-fashioned” being used (again, who’s surprised?) because a lot of their customers still like to use print coupons – I confess, I’m one of them, as I have one of their books. Also, it was a little too risqué and didn’t mention some things like the price.

As for Forte, it was creative with a great storyline, and they mentioned parts of the products that are important, like the cost, and all the ways the product can be used were shown. But it wasn’t as exciting or as much fun, and using two characters was, as one exec puts it, “probably not as zippy.” That just sounds weird to me.

So they’re both really good, but the winner is… and commercial!

And we’re off to the Boardroom of Doom. Trump hopes Dayana did well (because it will be harder for him to keep her around this time if she didn’t, I’m assuming) but if she didn’t, is she going to be fired? She thinks she shouldn’t be, so Trump asks who should. Dayana doesn’t take the bait, and says she doesn’t want to call out any names and get into a situation if it’s not necessary (why has no one else thought of saying that?). Trump rephrases the question, asking if there was a weak player, and Dayana says it was Lou because he was quiet on the creative end.

Lisa agrees that Lou brought very little to the table and admits she was impressed with Dayana, which surprises Trump. Lisa says she realized that Dayana is fierce when it comes to keeping organized and delegating, and she may not be the most creative person but she was really cool and it was a lot of fun.

Lou steps in to defend himself, and I get the feeling the term “110 percent” will be coming up shortly, so have your shot glass ready. Lou says Lisa is lucky she’s not a man because he would throw her right through the wall (ouch!). He mentions Lisa calling him a [bleep] loser, and says she’s negative, mean, and vicious, and wants to say it to her face. Lisa says that was outside the Boardroom, and she doesn’t curse in the Boardroom (I don’t remember if that’s true or not, and I’m far too lazy to go back and look, so I’ll take her word for it) so she tells him to keep it outside. Ivanka keeps stirring the pot by asking Lisa if she said that, but Lisa tells Lou if he physically threatens her again there’s gonna be a problem. Trump jokes that he’ll protect her, because he wants in on this. Lisa tells Lou again that he was out of line.

Ivanka and The Donald both ask Lisa if she said that, and Lisa recounts her exact words when they walked in to the suite without Dee, more or less. She admits she was angry that they were left with two weak players, but the difference is that Dayana stepped up and there were no fights in the group. Trump asks her if she called Lou a loser, and she really doesn’t remember. She says if she did, it was in anger and she apologizes, but “don’t threaten anybody.” The anger swells in her as she says he’s been kissing her ass for the last two days, and Lou curses some more as he calls her a phony in the Boardroom. She argues that she does the job and he doesn’t, so, “get ready for an elevator ride, Lou.”

Aubrey looks happier than she’s ever been, for some reason. I’d think she’d try to put a stop to this, since she’s so dead-set against bullying, and all. Or is that just when she’s involved?

Trump clarifies Lou’s comments, in that he said, “if she was a man,” but Lisa says it’s still out of order. She claims it doesn’t ruffle her feathers (I beg to differ) and she’ll still tell the truth to the Trumps because that’s what they deserve. Lou says he doesn’t fight with women, but Lisa says he just did; he claims he just told the truth honestly in a nice way, and then reiterates how if she was a man she’d go through the wall “in two seconds. Before you could even blink.” And that’s the nice way? Lisa says it doesn’t worry her and his threats are empty because, again, he brought nothing to the table on this task. Lou starts in on her calling him a loser again and she tells him to shut up and starts going, “Wah. Wah.” You know – the mature route.

Trump asks Teresa if she heard Lisa call Lou a loser, and Teresa says she heard the other part but didn’t hear loser; Paul says it was so crazy in that room that he just tried to get out of the way. Trump mentions that the biggest part was Aubrey, and then asks her if she’s okay and asks what happened to her. She says she’s done sniveling, and she babbles nothing of note before Trump asks Arsenio if they’re back to being friends or not. He says they talked, but Trump says talking means nothing and asks if they’re friends again. He’s a humanitarian, that Trump.

Ivanka picks up her dad’s cue and asks Arsenio if Aubrey was responsive to his criticisms of her on this task, in terms of taking charge and taking ownership of all the creative decisions. Arsenio says there was peace in the room, and he probably got the right results with the wrong language. Trump says he had no idea Arsenio was so emotional, but it’s because Arsenio won a lot of money for his charity.

Trump asks Clay if they’ve patched things up, and Clay says the tone was very healthy and everyone’s gotten along. Of course he thinks they won and likes their end product, and he says Teresa is the nicest woman “on this side of the table,” and she stepped up in a strong way even though she had never directed before.

Paul enjoyed the task, and Ivanka tells him how surprised she was when she walked in and they laugh about him wearing sleeves for a change.

So who’s the weak link on the team? Teresa says there wasn’t one, and if they lose, all five of them will be coming back. Trump goes to Aubrey for the weak link, but she lets him down by saying everyone was great. Trump points out that the last time this happened, two people got fired, and they go to commercial on that note like it’s a strong possibility, but come on – it wasn’t plastered all over the previews, so there’s no way it’s gonna happen. Don’t insult your audience, NBC.