The Celebrity Apprentice 5, Episode 8: Mister Teutul’s Neighborhood

In an off-topic note: I’m sorry, but are M&M’s just not going to quit until every single color has a personality? Just curious.

Trump won’t let it go, and neither will Ivanka, who then says when she visited them and asked about the creative vision, Aubrey told her what it was and Teresa kept saying, “But I was saying that,” over and over again. (I don’t wanna call Ivanka a liar, but it was only shown once, for what that’s worth.) Teresa admits she didn’t like that Aubrey did that, and she doesn’t think it was meant to be disrespectful. Ivanka tells Aubrey she’s grown to have a tremendous amount of respect for her (really? It’s gone the opposite way for me) but she is polarizing in a certain way and tends to speak more than the person who should be speaking, which alienates the rest of her team. Man, Ivanka loves stirring the pot, doesn’t she? I get the feeling she’d kick ass at a game of “Risk.”

So Paul, who was the star of your team? Paul says Clay is always a hitter and well-rounded. Trump goes off on one of his trademark tangents as he starts in on the rough guys Paul hangs out with and asks how Clay would get along in that world, Clay jokes, “I put up with you okay.” Ivanka asks if Clay was PM in Paul’s shop, would he get anything done? “No,” Paul says, and Clay laughs. Are we absolutely sure this show needs to be two hours long?

So the two videos are shown. I rewound Paul’s “Huh?” moment like five times before and couldn’t stop laughing every time, and here it gets me again. Dayana says it was entertaining and it was fun to see Paul like that. Trump says he didn’t recognize Paul. Dayana says theirs was more entertaining, funnier, and more “cuter.” (There’s that word again.) Lisa also liked their video, and thought Paul was really cool and Aubrey was – yep, you guessed it – “cute.” Penn also liked it, though he’s not a fan of double entendres, but he did like Paul.

So we watch Forte’s commercial next. Trump asks Dayana why none of the team was in the commercial, and Lou looks like he’s about to growl, “Answer the man!” Dayana says it wouldn’t fit with the story they had (I think she’s right), but Lou says he wanted to and she said no. Lisa rolls her eyes as Lou says it’s always important to use what you have on your team, and Lisa says it always helps to hear these great ideas when you’re working on it as opposed to in the Boardroom after, and she says Lou didn’t say anything.

Trump asks for opinions on Dayana’s commercial. You mean now that you’ve more or less told them what you want them to say about it? Teresa is no dummy, as she says she could have seen Dayana playing the girl’s part, and Arsenio adds that Penn could have been that guy. Trump agrees, because of course he does – they’re just throwing his opinion back at him, for crying out loud! Trump more or less lectures Forte on this, saying Penn would have been good, but Penn considers himself too old for that. “For a young woman, you mean?” Trump asks, and at least he shows he’s in on the joke. Don says he’s going to reserve his commentary, and Trump says, “I hate those people.” That was pretty funny, so I give him credit for that.

Clay liked their commercial better, because he’s seen it a hundred times and he still smiles and enjoys it, and he didn’t get that joy from the other one. Lou likes their commercial because they used “star power,” so he’s obviously unwilling to let this go. (Even Dayana looks fed up with him at this point.) Trump mentions watching Lisa seethe as he says that, and Lou says it’s his opinion.

Since we’re not done exploiting this conflict, Trump asks Lisa what she thinks about that, and Lisa calls it a “Benedict Arnold turncoat thing to do.” She thinks it’s easy to say he didn’t like what they did, because the three of them did it and he did nothing. Lou points out that Penn left at four, but Lisa says Penn still did a hell of a lot more than Lou did the whole time and put him to shame.

Lou says, “So I didn’t do nothing, right? I just sat around, right?” Lisa says yeah, pretty much. She notes that he was supposed to do the printing but it once again fell on her and Dayana. She then chastises Lou some more about giving ideas when they’re doing the task, not when it’s edited and done, and claims Lou never said he wanted to be in it and he suggested nothing. (I’m wondering why Dayana doesn’t speak up here, since he claims he told her he wanted to be in it.) She adds, “When Dayana is backing me up, you know you’re wrong.”

They bicker some more as he references Dayana calling him quiet because he listened, and he says he gave Dayana tips about the camera angles and Lisa says she completely ignored them because she was right. She tells him again that he added nothing, and his comeback is to call her angry and negative. Lisa keeps on in the same vein and points out that he went after her first. Lou keeps calling her negative, and she keeps insisting she gets the job done on every task. Sweet Hannah’s handbag, this argument is going on forever! Anyway, the bottom line is, Lisa believes Lou did nothing on this task. Can we move on, please?

Trump asks Lisa if she was surprised to hear Lou say he liked the other team’s commercial better. Lisa says she was horrified because you just don’t do that, but again it’s easy to do that when you’ve got no heart and soul into it. Lou insists it was like watching two different movies and being asked which one you liked better, but Ivanka (who is enjoying this way too much) says it’s hardly the same thing as seeing two different movies, one of which you didn’t direct. He insists it’s his opinion, and Trump asks him if he really thinks he should be saying that, because it’s like saying your team lost.

Lou starts the furious backpedaling as he just gave his opinion, but Trump says he just said his team should lose because the other team’s was better, and if their video is better then they win. Lou disagrees, so Trump asks Teresa to back him up, knowing full well that she will no matter what, and of course she does.

So Don tells us what the executives liked and didn’t like about Dayana’s commercial (he adds that they thought the direction was a little flat, since every shot was in the same location and only the background changed). Lou says he talked to Dayana about the angles and about the logo being in the corner. Dayana says he did suggest that but she vetoed it because they didn’t have time to move the cameras. Ivanka tells Unanimous what the execs thought about their commercial, and of course Aubrey’s smug grin is shown when the “old-fashioned” critique is mentioned.

Now for the winner. The execs loved both commercials (they’re terrific and talented, and entertainment.com is a great company, by the way, and you can use this link to Get an Entertainment.com Savings Membership and take advantage of all the great deals Entertainment has to offer on the go and year round!) but the winning team is – Teresa’s!

Teresa gets 60 grand for her charity, which she says is the NephCure Foundation, and specifically she’s fighting for a little boy named Matthew (“We love him,” Aubrey says, for no good reason other than to get more camera time) and she felt she let him down last time when they lost. We’ll meet him at the start of next week’s show, no doubt. Trump praises Paul some more for acting like a stiff, and Paul says he’ll never live it down.

Unanimous is dismissed and Trump tells Dayana’s team that someone will be fired, as if they didn’t get that part of the show by now.

In the suite, Teresa is happy. So happy. You can tell because she says, “I’m so happy,” over and over again in a high-pitched squeal. She says her whole team was backing her up and they’re amazing. They settle in to watch Boardroom Vision.

Dayana is surprised they lost, and says it’s heartbreaking. Lisa is also surprised, but Trump again goes to Lou and suggests he’s not. Lou says he thought they had a phenomenal chance of winning but when he looked at the two, he gave his opinion, which was nothing to do with the team (he adds another “cute” in there, too), and keeps insisting it was his opinion. Keep digging there, Lou. Lisa again calls it a traitor mentality and says it’s easy to say what you like better when you had nothing to do with it, so “enjoy it. Go to the other team.”

Lou says she keeps saying that to save her ass, but Lisa claims she’s the only one of them who’s completely safe because she did everything asked of her plus some. “But you lost,” Don points out. In the suite, Paul doesn’t want to [bleep] with her, and Arsenio says he also doesn’t want to be on her team because she keeps losing.