Dancing With the Stars 14, April 10: The KISS of Death

Last night gave us “Rock Week” performances on Dancing With the Stars, and that meant lots of teased-up hair, black attire, and heavy make-up. Katherine wasn’t at the top for once, Gavin wasn’t at the bottom, and Melissa suffered an injury that kept her out of the episode‘s final bow. And like rock-and-roll icon Elvis Presley, someone is about to leave the building. Sandy Lamparello brought you all the action in her recap, so read it if you haven’t yet.

Here’s how the leaderboard looks after Monday’s performances:

We kick things off with a musical number from KISS, and yep, they still know how to rock all right. They’re doing their hit “Lick It Up,” which sounds like my idea of a fun evening with Cheryl and … oops, did I write that in my out-loud voice? My apologies. Of course it’s KISS, so there are plenty of pyrotechnics … and the dance troupe helps as well, plus Mark and Chelsie.

Our beloved Quipmaster Tom Bergeron greets us as usual … but co-host Brooke Burke-Charvert isn’t with him this time. Hmm. I do like Tom’s casual look though. Well, casual for him. Let’s do some backstage clips and results, shall we? By the way, KISS never stops preening and posing while Tom does his schtick. Heh.

Gavin may be in the rock world already, but maybe he’s found his niche as a reject from The Cure. Or … maybe not. It sure worked for him on the dance floor, though. Plus, he picked “Paint It Black,” which is a favorite of mine. Karina tells him to “frame and go” as they dance. After Len and Carrie Ann give Gavin 8s and Bruno only gave a 7, Len raises his hand to Bruno as if to say, “Come on!” Bruno insists, “It was a mess!” He also bickers with the crowd. In confessional, Gavin recalls Karina calling it an “ambitious” routine, and he’s proud to have pulled it off.

And then there’s our M*A*S*H patient Melissa. Maks tells her to look at him as they twirl around. Then Melissa hits her head and accidentally drops Maks to the floor. She seems okay immediately afterward, and asks Maks if he’s okay. He apologizes to her. Val remarks to the others on the balcony that his brother will be “pissed.”

As Melissa and Maks head up the stairs backstage, she tells her partner that she hit her head. She actually hit it on Maks’s leg or shoe, it looks like. She tells others up in the celberaquarium that she’s getting dizzy. Gavin actually picks her up and carries her away, like a handsome prince carrying a damsel in distress – oh, that soft rock romantic crooner hero – and takes her to get medical attention. As she lies on a stretcher, Gene Simmons looks on in concern, with full KISS make-up on. It’s a bit of a surreal scene for something so dramatic.

I guess Melissa isn’t ready to come back yet, and Gavin & Karina join Tom and Maks – yup, Maks solo – out on the stage for results. Tom says Melissa suffered a mild concussion and under her doctor’s advice, she’s taking a rest day. If they get through tonight, she will be able to compete going forward. However, Tom reveals, Maks was injured too – he hurt his arm! Maks quips that it took away from the pain in his ankles, knees, and shoulders. Heh. He also calls Gavin a “true gentleman” for helping Melissa, whom he calls a “fighter and trooper,” and she’s looking forward to next week.

Hey, there’s Brooke! Where ya been, girl? She joins Tom to announce the first results of the night … and the first couple safe is Melissa & Maks! Maks celebrates, first by himself, then with Gavin and Karina.

So what about the hero and his dance partner? They’re safe too! They’re surprised and thrilled and jump around. Gee, if America could have seen Gavin carry away Melissa last night, I bet he would have gotten even more votes!

So who does head judge Len Goodman want to see again as the first encore dance of the season? Why, Donald and Peta’s paso to “Purple Haze,” of course! Can a Green Bay Packer dance to anything with the word “purple” in the title? They do hate the Vikings so, you know. Oh well. Still a great routine.

Cue the Quipmaster: “Donald and Peta! Two people with a grand total of three percent body fat! Kind of hate ‘em a little, don’tcha?” Ha!

Brooke Chat! How’s Gladys feeling after being at the bottom of the standings? No one wants to be there, but she’s working her way up, she says. Maria’s already gotten frisky with Derek plenty; what should we expect from steamy Latin Week?

Maria mentions hips; Derek suggests taking pants off. I don’t know if he means his pants or hers, but I vote for the latter. And there’s that darling Maria Woodpecker laugh we all know and … well, “love” isn’t the word, is it? Maria’s lobbying for it to be Derek’s pants that come off. Derek says he didn’t know if Maria could play through the pain and she’s doing it with flying colors. Maria was worried it might be her last dance, but she turned it around. Jaleel suggests nudity might help him break out of the middle of the pack. Heh.

Cue the Quipmaster again: “I bet if you hear that laugh of Maria’s enough, the pants go right back on.” Oh Tom. You so cray-zay!

We see the clip of the doctor from Monday telling Maria that she can’t dance on a broken foot. Yet there she is, bobbing around and waiting to perform. “I’m Greek!” she yells after video Derek calls her a “fighter.” Yes, we know, dear. Of course, the dance made me need a cold shower. Derek carries Maria up the stairs on her back. She laments messing up a step, but Derek’s not too worried about it. Derek says, “We got a 9-9, and we’re feeling pretty fine … except for her foot and ribs.” Heh.