Dancing With the Stars 14, April 10: The KISS of Death

Surreal KISS moment number two: Gladys squealing, “How long is it?” as Gene sticks out his legendary tongue. Oh my. Gene’s hugging her, she’s putting her hand on his chest, and she’s asking him how long it is. Now I’ve seen it all. Carrie Ann disses the dance, but Tristan tells us that if you fall over, you get back on your horse and you lash him again. I’m not sure that’s exactly how it goes, but whatever.

Jaleel and Kym tell each other it’s Rock Week in bad British accents. And somehow, even Kym’s is bad, even though it’s pretty close to British as it is. Jaleel ends with that spin on the floor and Kym says she didn’t think he was going to stop. Maybe Jaleel could close out the sequel to Inception in that case. In confessional, Jaleel pledges that if Len wants to see a panther, he’ll give him a panther … and then growls and makes claw hands toward the camera. That’s Bruno’s job, dude.

The next couple definitely coming back next week is …

Derek & Maria! Geez, between her and Melissa, we might turn this into Celebrity Death Match before this thing is over.

Who’s next? Jaleel & Kym? Kym really acts shocked, as if she doesn’t understand what’s happening.

Gladys & Tristan … are safe too! What?! Wow. We could be in for a shocker tonight, folks.

Tom teases a feature on the “Passion Project” of Karina Smirnoff. We hear her tell us that she and Jose Carreno came together through an organization that helps kids pursue their dancing dreams. Jose is a world-class ballet dancer, and joining with Karina’s ballroom talents brings two worlds together to create something unique.

Taped filler! Karina says when you’re asked back to the show, you’re worried about who you’ll get as a partner. Peta says people say they want someone they can get along with … but really you want someone who can dance. Tristan says people have had bad partners throughout the years, but Chelsie adds that this year everyone is strong (yeah, we’ve noticed). Maks feels pressure, and all the other pros too. Kym says a lot of the stars are learning their routines in the first day, which is unheard of. If Jaleel does it too quickly, she’s worried maybe she didn’t make the choreography challenging enough. Mark says the hours are getting longer and people aren’t in the halls as much, meaning there’s a fire lit under everyone’s butts.

Maks notes that a score of 24 in any other season would put him and Melissa at the top of the standings. This time? They got a 24 and tied for the bottom. In the past, Derek wouldn’t show all his tricks so early on, but this time he has to put everything he has into each week and trust he’ll come up with something new next time. Maks talks about rivalries between the older pros. Tristan says friendships go out the window when they’re out on the dance floor. Chelsie says they’ve been competing since they were young, so that’s all they know.

Brooke Chat! Donald’s nervous, which is made worse by everyone else being nervous. With some of the lowest scorers already saved, how does Roshon feel despite having one of his best nights? He doesn’t feel too safe, but he’s trying to keep it together and hope for the best. Chelsie is hopeful, and says it just goes to show there are always surprises on this show.

Tom says that the pros have been challenged to bring forward dance projects they’re passionate about. It’s Karina and Jose’s original creation, with music provided by Gotan Project. They put a unique modern take on traditional Argentine music, appropriate given the blend of artistic stratospheres that Karina and Jose bring to the floor.

Karina starts out like in red like a sultry Argentine temptress, attracting Jose in his red shirt and dapper hat. They meet in a furious embrace and commence to unleash their newfangled take on the tango, featuring sharp, aggressive leg movements by Karina and something that’s probably way out of Jose’s comfort zone, but man, does he look natural at it. The music is hot and steamy. Hey, there’s Jose doing a flying ballet leap! Then we gets back into the tango as Karina shows off some slinky gymnastic moves. That was cool!

So we have no one in jeopardy and the highest scorers from Monday are on deck to learn their fates now. This could get interesting.

We’re reminded that Donald and Peta were awesome, and were scored accordingly. Donald tells Peta going down the backstage stairs that they’ve been climbing the ladder two or three points at a time, and Peta notes that it’s the best way to do it. How would she know? She got knocked out first in her only other appearance! Anyway, KISS excitedly greets Donald backstage – I’d say it would take a football star to make fans out of rockers as iconic as KISS – and Paul Stanley asks if they got a 29. Donald reports that it was a 27, and Paul amusingly waves them off and jokes, “Aw, I don’t want to talk to you.” Heh.

In the midst of their sweet song, Chelsie shouts, “Hell yeah!” at Roshon. I guess she’s an excited girl, huh? Roshon and Chelsie really look like they’re at their high school prom with the outfits and music and lighting and everything. Roshon is happy to get “the master Len, the monster Len” to say “good job, dawg.” Then he mock-asks Len for his digits so they can text. Heh.

Tom reveals that one of these couples is safe, the other is in the bottom two. Hmm …

The couple that is safe is …

Donald & Peta! I’m not surprised. But while Peta throws her arms up in triumph, Donald collapses to the floor in relief. Heh. Don’t hit your head, Donald. We’ve got enough injuries on this season already! It takes a minute for it to dawn on the audience that this means Roshon is in trouble, but once the realization comes, well, here come the boo-birds.

To lighten the mood a little, we get a sneak peek at the new Dancing With the Stars show getting ready to hit Las Vegas – it premieres this weekend. Carson Kressley welcomes us to a video clip, introducing himself as “winner of Season 13.” Um … we love ya, buddy, but no. “Okay, I was eighth, but who’s counting?” Heh.

Carson takes us behind the scenes to introduce old favorites from seasons past who are in the Vegas show, including boy bander Joey Fatone (Season 4), recent Celebrity Apprentice washout Tia Carrere (Season 2), Disney kids Sabrina Bryan (Season 5) and Kyle Massey (Season 11). Also, Carson isn’t just hosting the show – he’s dancing in it! He tells us this as two hunky guys twirl him upside down. Wonder if he can get a guy partner in Vegas at least?

“Hosting and dancing: That’s way too much work,” muses Tom. Another person who thought dancing would be too much work tonight is Joey Fatone, says Tom, as Joey is out in the audience. Joey tells Tom that he couldn’t get to L.A. in time for the staging and prep, but he’s with his fellow all-stars in spirit, and he’ll be ready for the show at the Tropicana in Vegas.

The rest of the cast takes the floor and see some new pros we’ve never met before who individually show their stuff. Then girls in the big blue feather hats descend the staircase – we’ve got a nice little conga rhythm going – but I don’t see anyone I recognize yet. It’s possible I’m overlooking them and if so, I apologize, but everyone here looks new to me. But the guys in vests and the feather girls join up to do their thing, and it’s pretty hot and snappy, especially with that Afro-Cuban style of music that’s got me jiving in my chair.