Dancing With the Stars 14, April 10: The KISS of Death

Now her I recognize – Lacey Schwimmer, one of my favorite pros ever, who comes out from behind and gets the spotlight for a moment. We miss you this season, Lacey, especially now that you’re back to being a sexy brunette. Here come Kyle and Sabrina right behind, and a guy I don’t recognize (he may be a pro from a past season, but it isn’t coming to me).

Now the feather girls are doing flying leaps and getting caught by the males, and it’s getting’ wild up in here! Also, let me just say, Sabrina has really sexified herself up. She’s 27 now – a Cheetah Woman, not a Cheetah Girl! Oh wait, Dmitry Chaplin is out there – how did I miss him before? Oh yeah, I’m a straight guy. Forgive my tunnel vision. Anyway, that was fun! I wanna see that show now! Anyone up for a road trip to Vegas?

Let’s go behind-the-scenes with our last three remaining couples: Val urges Sherri to look at him while dancing, but maybe she shouldn’t have looked at Carrie Ann, who complains about Sherri’s expressionless face. Gladys encourages Sherri backstage, telling her that she was great. Sherri is looking forward to getting a fresh start next week – if she makes it through – and she reminds us how much she loves being here.

As Cheryl and William wait backstage, Len wanders through and Cheryl gives him a big hug. Aww. No sucking up the judges, Cheryl. Unfortunately for William, a little greasing of the wheels might have helped, since those wheels sort of fell off for him and Cheryl this week. As Cheryl hobbles off the floor, Tom asks where her shoe went. It sort of fell halfway off her foot when William kind of manhandled her like a rag doll at one point and she had to soldier through. She tells us in confessional that everything went wrong, but William is confident that it’s not about the falling, it’s about being able to get back up, so that’s what he and Cheryl will do. We’ll see.

Mark and Katherine seem to have a little difficulty finding their way backstage. Geez Mark, you should know the way by now! Where’s the DWTS GPS when you need it? Katherine calls it a “Spinal Tap moment.” Heh. Katherine and Mark got all 8s for a total of 24 – as Maks suggested earlier, a perfectly fine score any other season, but the low-water mark for the couple this year. Katherine feels like she let Mark down, but he poo-poos that an tells her it’s all a part of the process.

So who out of this bunch is safe? How about …

Katherine & Mark! I never doubted for a second. Yet Mark falls to his knees and Katherine looks down at him, gasping, “What? What does that mean?” as if she can’t believe what she heard. I almost wonder if she thinks she got eliminated for a second. Once she realizes she’s safe (thanks to the hosts having to explain what they said), she whoops and hops around in excitement just like Sherri might. It’s pretty funny.

So it’s down to Sherri & Val and William & Cheryl, plus Roshon & Chelsie from earlier. The producers switched the format up on us a little bit this time, but after a commercial break, all three couples are out on deck … but we’re only revealing a bottom two, really. The next couple safe is …

William & Cheryl! Yeah, the ladies aren’t letting William go out this early, I can promise you!

So it’s Roshon & Chelsie vs. Sherri & Val. Both have had their moments, but I think I’d rather see more of Roshon & Chelsie, so I have to root against Sherri here. Tom says it’s one of those nights where you look at the quality of the cast and can’t helped but be shocked by the couples in jeopardy, and admits he didn’t think he’d be talking to Sherri like this here and now. Actually, in this particular cast, this might be her correct spot to go out. Gladys is probably an inferior dancer … but it’s hard not to love Gladys as a fan. Sherri just isn’t quite the same kind of loveable legend.

Tom asks if Sherri has any expectation she’d be here at the bottom. She starts talking about how much she loves the experience, but fights through emerging tears as she does so. Eventually, she goes speechless – that’s a first – and we all feel a little bad for her. Aww.

What about Roshon? He didn’t expect to be here at the bottom, he admits. Len says all the judges are in shock. After 14 seasons, they know anything can happen though, and with the quality so high this time, anyone can be in jeopardy. That’s probably true. I think Roshon is better than this, but I don’t know that he has the viewer votes locked down; Sherri just isn’t one of the top dancers left anymore. Sorry. Any other season, maybe. But not this one.

The couple going home this week with the lowest combined total of judges’ scores and viewer votes is …

Sherri & Val. Needless to say, she’s very emotional. She sobs into Val’s comforting embrace, then shares a sweet hug with Roshon. I feel bad. I still think it was the right decision, but I feel bad nonetheless. Sherri’s a lot of fun, and few people have made it quite so clear how much they want to stick around and participate like she did.

Brooke coaxes Sherri down to the main stage to chat. Sherri thanks the show for letting her live a dream that she’s always had (she’s always wanted to be on DWTS??), praises Val as her partner, and advises people to run toward the thing that scares them the most “because it’s so amazing on the other side.” Val steps in as Sherri cries and says he’s really sorry for it to end now, and Sherri gets out that she loves him and they had the most amazing time. Again: Awww.

Next week: Sandy on Monday’s recap, me on Tuesday’s, and hey, it’s Latin Week! Ay, caramba! Yes, I’m getting my Spanish from Bart Simpson. Anyway, see you then, faithful readers!

You can follow Reality News Online on Twitter and on Facebook! On Twitter, you can get up to the minute notifications on article postings and other reality TV news by following us. So head on over to Reality News Online’s Twitter page! On Facebook, you can become a fan, join discussions, and more!

If you haven’t already, be sure to check out these other recent Dancing With the Stars articles on Reality News Online & Foxes On Idol:

Chris Harris is a newspaper journalist from Somerset, Kentucky, and wishes Melissa a speedy recovery and good health going forward. You can email him at wokosaurus@msn.com.

Be sure to sign up for our e-mail update so you can stay informed about new articles on the site! Be sure to also take a look at the rest of the site; and don't miss Foxes On Idol and The Reality TV Hall of Shame. You can even buy reality show stuff at our Reality TV Store!

For more news about this show, be sure to check out SirLinksALot: Dancing with the Stars!