Episode Two opens with the Boran Tribe waking up cold, achy, and hungry, like all Survivors before them. They immediately start in on Clarence again. Tom says he’s on “shaky ground,” and he voted for Clarence as a reminder of his bad behavior.
The Samburus wake up in their frigid Boot Camp, but they’re inspired to strategize, not scold. Stormtrooper Frank lashes his minions into a building frenzy. Carl, Linda, and Teresa have all fallen into line nicely. The kids (Lindsey, Brandon, and Kim P.) hang. Frank says, “We (adults) do all the work. The youth here are on vacation and straggle here and there. There are probably two individuals I could get rid of right now who are more in the way than they are any good.” The physical structures are shaping up, but so are the Tribal alliances. It’s the grownups – Frank, Carl, Linda, and Teresa – versus the kids – Lindsey, Brandon, and Kim P. – with Silas as the wildcard.
It’s time for another challenge. Frank and Carl go to fetch the mail. Frank, who is more used to interpreting cave paintings than reading the King’s English, stumbles over “sublime.” Too bad Kim J. (retired elementary school teacher) isn’t in his Tribe or she could provide him with a little Hooked on Phonics tutorial. This task is to carry five logs through an obstacle course and erect them in a structure shaped like a wooden spool. Once the graduated poles are fitted into their corresponding slots, they form a series of steps to the top of the structure. The Samburus elect to have Linda sit out the challenge so that both tribes have an equal number of participants. Both tribes start out strong and are neck and neck until the very end, when Kim J. of the Boran Tribe fell flat on the last pylon of the obstacle course. The Samburus raced to place the last pole in the base, with Kim P. climbing to the top in victory. Strike two for Boran.
Kim J. of the Samburus is despondent. She fears she will be perceived as a weak link. Tom tries to console her by saying, aka Yogi Bear, “Everybody has a boo boo.” Tom, Ethan, Clarence and Lex are the designated water boys. Kim J., Jessie, and Kelly fret that the men think of them as weak and ineffectual. “It’s the guys against the girls,” whispers Kim to Jessie. Meanwhile, Tom puts in his time dragging the water jugs back to camp. “We almost went too long without water. When you’ve got two freeloaders, it hurts.” Who can he mean?! Jessie, of course, and … ? We see Jessie draped despondently over her nasty “tar flavored” canteen of water back at the compound. Ethan tries to motivate her to drink. “Get a little flavor on your mouth,” he urges. Jessie droops even more, and Ethan turns away with a shrug.
Portents of Doom - a sand funnel is shown accompanied by eerie background music. It’s time for the final challenge of the episode. The tribes quickly deduce that it’s about food. “Don’t think of it as a dung beetle; think of it as a beetle,” advises Tom. A dung beetle’s nothing but an appetizer to a goat, anyway. The Borans pump themselves up for the challenge. “We can do it!” exclaim Lex, Kim J., and Kelly. Jessie just mopes.
Damu Bar The local Masai have thoughtfully provided the day’s repast, a cow. But we not talking sirloin here, it’s something called African Chianti.” It’s full gross-out time here in the bush, because the cocktail consists of bovine blood with a chaser of milk. But before we see the bloodletting demonstration, Probst valiantly attempts to head off the inevitable charges of animal cruelty with an endless blather about the “sanctity of life” and “time-honored traditions.” Of course, the whole macabre scene is created for the purpose of eliminating the faint of stomach. With a vegetarian in the bunch, it seems likely that someone would get a mite queasy. But no, everyone chugs their ration, some of them twice. To break the tie, each team picks a member from the opposite tribe. Linda and Kelly are chosen, and in a complete turnabout of common sense, the elder Linda beats former sorority girl Kelly to the bottom of the beaker. Strike three for Boran.
We see the usual red herring strategizing as the Boran Tribe decides who to vote off. It looks like Clarence is still in the dog house, but the tribe pools their common sense and votes off Jessie.
Now it’s time to analyze the contestants.
Samburu Tribe
Silas: He played off one alliance against the other, smirking all the way. Carl and Frank put the squeeze on him to join the adult alliance. “It’s done, strength and honor baby,” promises Silas. “Trust me, trust me,” he murmurs to Lindsey, giving her a reassuring grope while looking over his shoulder for Carl. “Sometimes you can’t be a nice guy, the nice guy finishes last.” So much for the Colby resemblance.
Kim P.: Outside of climbing the victory tower, we don’t see much of Kim this episode. She hangs out with Brandon and Lindsey, but we don’t hear what she’s thinking or how she’s strategizing. Kim has the potential to survive if she doesn’t ally herself too closely with Lindsey and Brandon, the Tribe’s two weakest members. She’s a lot smarter than she looks; she’s physically strong; and she has good social skills. She’s also the oldest of the “kids.”
Carl: He’s Frank’s yes-man and dogsbody. Frank occasionally rewards him with a few verbal pats on the head, like “Carl and I work hard.” Carl is exasperated with the younger players, “If they thought they signed up to go to the YMCA and roast marshmallows, they’re wrong.” He is the most persuasive in convincing Silas to join their alliance but admits that he doesn’t trust him.
Linda: Even though it’s only the first week, she’s developed a feral resemblance to a Meer Cat (see Timon from the Lion King). She stepped up to the blood bar with real gusto and saved her Tribe’s bacon. She must have acquired a taste for African Chianti during the two summers she spent visiting African villages. When she finishes chug-a-lugging her beaker of blood and shows Jeff her tongue, the Meer Cat suddenly morphs into Kali, goddess of destruction. Yikes! She’s part of the adult alliance with Frank, Carl, and Teresa. Frank vouches for her loyalty by saying, “Linda’s so concrete she’s buried in the bottom of the Hoover Dam.”
Lindsey:It’s hard enough being a Mall Rat stuck out in the African bush without having mean old gym teacher Frank interrupting your girl talk every two seconds to haul a thorn bush around. Besides, she has a dwindling supply of Chapstick and a killer hangnail to worry about. And, like, Ohmygawd, can you believe the old farts were talking about her like that? How rude! They are SO TOTALLY BUSTED now! Just wait ‘til Silas goes Medieval on their ass. (As if.)
Frank: Lone gunman Frank has actually managed to make some friends, er allies, this episode. Things are going his way as he domineers his way to the top of the Samburu food chain, barking orders, scheming, and culling the herd. The only fly in his ointment is when the blockhead loudly plots with Silas, and Lindsey overhears them. Silas whispers to Frank that, “People can hear us,” and Frank comes to with an audible “duh?” Frank explains to the camera that, “The young group overheard somehow and they began to panic.” Frank is about as subtle as a box of hammers.
Brandon: Except for lounging in the tent and hauling a few logs, we don’t see much of this guy, but he’s definitely in trouble with the grownups of the Tribe. He’d better buckle down and do his chores or he’s gonna get his torch snuffed, and we don’t mean in a fun way.
Teresa: She wants to be nice to both alliances and won’t deceive Lindsey when she asks Teresa if there is an alliance with the older members. Teresa is smart enough to know which alliance to join, but still plays well with the others.
Boran Tribe
Clarence: Still looks like a clueless idiot in his war paint. Is still groveling to the rest of the tribe, trying to prove himself. He’s a good water-hauler, by golly. He’s also desperately trying to turn the spotlight away from himself and on some of the other screw-ups in the tribe. He turns to Jessie for validation first, saying about Diane, “She was looking for a scapegoat and she almost had me.” But, he goes too far when he claims that he only gave Diane the beans because he is “too nice.” Jessie has had enough and firmly scolds him with, “You shouldn’t have done that.” Clarence is shocked that Jessie won’t sympathize with his lame version and stomps off into the bush. Later, he pretends to be shocked that Kelly, a recent college girl, couldn’t chug her Highball. Ends the episode with the priceless comment about his bean fiasco, “That was freshly early.” Never misses a chance to “comfort” (grope) the ladies.
Ethan: All around nice guy, who is continuously worried about his standing in his clique, especially compared to Lex. Ethan thinks that, “Everyone likes Lex, he’s on everyone’s team.” Don’t worry Ethan, you still have our vote for Homecoming King, especially being a vegetarian and managing to drink your fair share of cow plasma. He tries to be a team player, but also looks out for the individual Tribe members, like Jessie. His beard is coming in nicely, too. (Sigh.) He tells Tom that he’d vote off Clarence before the “girls,” but ends up voting off Jessie. Is he being devious, or is he a pushover?
Jessie: The hot tamale has withered on the vine. She droops, she whines, and her lips are more cracked than Queen Nefertari’s. The only spirit she shows is when she rejects Clarence’s pity party and tells him, “you are worried about the game.” To no one’s surprise, her Tribe takes pity on her and sends her back to the land of tasty water, aka the film-crew compound. What a shame, we were really looking forward to some Latin fireworks. Now poor Clarence can only dream about being frisked by a Deputy Sheriff.
Kim J.: She’s running scared after falling in the Reward Challenge, and can’t stop beating herself up about it. She’s sincere in apologizing to her Tribe members about it and doesn’t try to bluff her way out of it. Kim referred to Jessie as “so nice,” but voted her off and cried about it.
Kelly: Joins Kim in her guilt trip when Kelly loses the drinking game. (Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!) She may be a smarty pants, but Africa is way harder than Rush Week. “I’m not accustomed to working for my food, or working for my water.” Just working on my ab slide, and then I reward myself by getting Mom’s pool boy to wax my Ferrari.
Lex: Is still pissed at Clarence about the beans. In the coming weeks, his tattoos will come in handy as the bush equivalent of television. He and Tom pledged allegiance to each other on their male offspring’s names. (A-hoo-ha! Grunt and slap chest.) He’s a counter-culture scout leader.
Tom: Describes himself as the “father figure,” and says that Clarence, “has proven hisself,” but votes agin him anyway. Looks like Dad’s still pissed . He’s managed to keep his butt-crack covered in this episode, in a manner of speaking. In a hilarious confirmation of our article last week, Tom responds to the Reward Challenge by saying, “Wahl, I’ve felt better and I’ve felt worse; open a can of whup ass and see what happens.” No we’re not exactly psychic, he just seemed like a “whup ass” kind of guy to us.
Next week’s predictions.
Samburu: Lindsey is down and Linda smirks that she’s “not so tough.” Obviously, Burnett is leading us down the wrong path again, and we’re sure she’ll be sticking around for a while. Just like the feather in Tom’s ass. So, we predict Brandon for the vote-off, if Samburu loses the Immunity Challenge.
Boran: It’s either Kelly or Clarence, depending on who screws up (or opens up a whole new can of beans.) They won’t vote Mom (Kim) out just yet.
Melinda Smith is a technical illustrator and writer with a background in graphic arts. She and her family live in Cincinnati, Ohio. Her sister, Suzanne Tromblay, is a licensed social worker with the State of Ohio.
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