Search for the Next Doll, Episode 5: Sexy Time

Previously on So You Think I Man-Dance, or maybe So Unique, You’ve No Chance, Mariela won a dancing challenge (duh), Sisely said Asia dances like a drag queen (huh?), and Sisely was eliminated despite being the most unique and the theme being creativity (huh!).

Last week, I promised to be more creative. This week, I thought I’d try to make this recap more interesting. Instead of just recapping everything as it happens on the show, I’m going to recap all that happens with each of the final six throughout the episode. If it works, I may keep it. If it doesn’t, I’ll just go back to the good old-fashioned style of recapping. First, let’s get the generalities out of the way...

General Episode Info

I think I may have missed a few minutes, because my tape starts with Anastacia talking about cake. Yes, I said “tape.” I don’t have DVR. Or DSL. Or a cell phone. And yet I call myself a nerd. Is that wrong?

The theme for this week is “sexiness.” During the PCD video, one of the dolls whose name isn’t Nicole says the PCD don’t try to be sexy, “they just are.” Um, duh! In the studio, Robin reveals the true challenge as “feeling sexy with little sleep.” Isn’t that called “red light work?” Anyway, PCD manager Jeff Vaddad tells the PCDWB that they will perform that night at the PCD Lounge in Las Vegas (PCDLILV). All the girls will perform the song “Tainted Love,” made famous by Soft Cell. Additionally, they must bring their bathing suits (or so I heard), and their make-up will be done on the bus to the show. Oh, and they leave an hour after the announcement. I actually like the sound of this challenge. Touring can’t be an easy business, so this challenge should help show who can do it. Naturally, the winner will receive immunity.

The girls board the bus and cheer on their way to Vegas. As they practice the song, Mikey comes in to coach them on the choreography. As you might expect, learning a routine on a moving bus is kind of not easy. After dancing, the girls eat lunch (most choose turkey, which in a challenge with little sleep isn’t really a good idea, is it?). Then, Robin shows up to get the girls’ gold-themed wardrobe started.

They arrive in Vegas at the PCD Lounge, which is at Caesar’s Palace. Yay? Robin introduces the girls, then tells them that the audience will vote. The girls perform, and as a group you can tell they practiced on a moving bus. Not the best performance in the world.

At least they get to go to a posh suite afterwards. There are three bedrooms, a hot tub, a butler, and a piano. Sweet! Robin gathers the girls around the piano to announce the audience vote. You can find out who won in the individual girls’ recaps.

The final six will prove their sexiness by singing three of the cheesiest ballads known to mankind. This means they will sing in duets. Anastacia and Melissa S. get Toni Braxton’s “Unbreak My Heart.” Chelsea and Mariela will sing Christina Aguilera’s “I Turn to You.” That leaves Asia and Melissa R with the Diane Warren-written Aerosmith song, “You Don’t Want to Hear Me Sing.” ...Sorry, I mean, “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.” The weakest duet will see one of its members going home.

Robin introduces vocal coach Valerie Morehouse, who works with the girls individually to help get their voices as clean as possible, despite the fact that they all have had very little sleep. She hopes to teach the girls how to perform well without pushing themselves too hard.

After very little time to practice and sleep (which makes me so glad Sisely is gone), the girls head to PCDLOSS, where Mark McGratuitous introduces the judges–Robin Antin, Ron Fair, and Li’l Kim–before falling off the face of the earth again.

Melissa R and Asia perform first, followed by Mariela and Chelsea, and finally Anastacia and Melissa S. To see how the girls did, and what the judges thought, see the individual recaps. Let’s start with...

Anastacia

My tape (yes, I still said “tape”) starts with Ana talking to the other girls, who are all in pajamas. She wants to cut back on the cake she has been eating, since she’s already quite a bit bigger than the other girls. Hey, I like my bigger girls. At my size, I don’t have that much choice. Anyway, Ana looks for something to eat before she exercises. Wanting to fit in with the PCD, Ana says her weight has been a lifelong issue.

After learning about the Vegas challenge, Ana confesses that she really needs to win this because she doesn’t want to leave the house. While packing, she regrets eating so much, considering the challenge requires them to pack their swimsuits.

Her weight becomes an issue at wardrobe on the bus. None of the outfits she tried are flattering. Not to mention she can hardly move in any of them. She feels she is going to fail the challenge.

Which she does. She doesn’t sound very good, and looks very uncomfortable in her outfit. Maybe the bus should have had bigger outfits. After the performance, Ana confesses that she felt her boobs and butt were hanging out. I wonder if that would have actually helped.

Ana’s nerves get the better of her at suppertime as she cleans up her entire meal, including both awesome-looking desserts. Yum!

The sweet feelings don’t last long, as she gets paired up with Melissa S. for the elimination performance. Since Mel is immune, if the two perform the worst, Ana is an automatic goner. Things look bleaker at vocal coaching. Valerie calls Ana “all throat.” As she and Melissa practice harmonies, Ana starts to feel very much out of her element, so she calls her friend for support. With her friend’s positive energy, Ana starts working out and finds her confidence once again. I really like Ana. At PCDLOSS, Ana and Mel still try to nail the harmonies. After noticing how much taller she is, Ana doesn’t think the two are connecting yet.

Ana starts the song off draped over a chair like a bed sheet. She sounds very breathy, which is half-alluring and half-distracting. It’s working on me, though. Later on, she provides harmony to Melissa’s melody, and it works rather well. Robin and Ron loved the chair bit, though Ron and Kim criticize her for singing like a competitor, not from the heart. At the deliberation, Robin feels Ana is doing much better vocally, but still feels concern for Ana’s weight issues. Ron likes Ana’s recording voice.

Ana tried, but she didn’t feel her performance was excellent.

Asia

Asia is the first to talk in confessional about Ana’s self-consciousness about her weight. She is also the one to note that Ana is larger than the other girls.

At lunchtime on the bus, Asia notices the meal is “healthy.” Asia can’t stand healthy food and longs for burgers and fries. I think there’s a word for people who can’t stand healthy food: “human.” At wardrobe, Asia still harps on about Ana’s weight issues.

At the Vegas challenge, Asia does quite well. She sounds good and dances well. Unfortunately, she does not win. Too bad.

At dinnertime, Asia keeps whining about the food, which starts to get a little annoying. Later, a cheeseburger (with two slices of cheese) and fries show up for her. One of the Melissas steals a fry, but Asia doesn’t notice. She’s just glad to have some real food. She also doesn’t think she’s a diva.

Asia isn’t so glad to be performing with Melissa R, whom she sees as her biggest competition. Still, Asia feels she is superior to Mel in performing and dancing. And she doesn’t think she’s a diva?

When the girls return to the Dollhouse, Asia admits she messed up at the challenge. Oddly enough, I thought she was the best. To help unwind, she wrestles the other girls. Sorry, gutterbrains, but there’s no mud, gelatin, or contraceptive jelly involved.

Asia is the first to receive vocal coaching. After singing a bit of “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing,” Valerie couldn’t even recognize the song over the vocal gymnastics. Valerie calls this “fake singing” and a “cop out.” Asia realizes Valerie is only trying to help, but she still feels threatened and hurt by the coaching.