Celebrity Fit Club: Men vs. Women, Episode 2 – Cabin Fever

The episode starts on Day 17 at Big Rock Creek Camp in Valyermo, California. The agenda is, of course, a Fit Camp challenge. Each team must navigate a grueling 3.3-mile course using compasses to avoid the wrong turns. Along the way, they’ll face two team-building challenges. The prize for the winning team is an elliptical trainer and a strength trainer for each member. There’s another prize that will be revealed later. The celebs have trouble learning how to use their compasses. Dustin says he hasn’t used one since he was a little kid, and “this is easy.” I can believe him, since he does act like a little kid.

The teams are off. Despite a few hangups, the women reach their first challenge. They much each get over a rope without touching it and while keeping contact with each team member. They have some trouble to start, but Kim’s cheerleading experience inspires a solution, and they’re on their way.

The men’s first challenge also requires a bit of thinking. Using a number of boards, they must make their way over cinder blocks from one side to the other. The problem is that the boards are not long enough for some gaps. There’s no way to cross using one board. After some trouble, Cledus finds the solution – lay one board down with one end on a block, then place another board on top connecting to the second block. The puzzle is solved, and the men are back on the path.

Both teams face tough inclines after the challenges. Then the women find a fork in the road, with one path leading to a dead end. Brat says the needle points down one path, but Maureen worries about the path going downhill. Maureen is wise, but it doesn’t stop the women from traveling down the wrong path. They find the wooden X that tells them, “You should have listened to Maureen.”

The men stay on the right path, but Warren starts to succumb to the high altitude and steep climb. The women go down another wrong turn, but then Kimberley correctly points the women in the right direction. The two teams meet each other halfway through the course.

The race came down to the second challenge. Warren’s strength and agility easily help the men clear the rope challenge. They finish first, just as the women figure out the cinder block challenge. Dustin attributes his win to pizza, cheese, and beer. Ugh.

The second prize for the men comes at dinnertime. They get to relax while the women had to prepare dinner. They have fish and oranges and veggie kabobs, and man, it looks so good. While the women cook, Dustin claims there’s no way he’ll reach his ultimate target of 187 lbs. because he eats junk food all the time. Uh, isn’t he aiming to lose weigh in spite of eating junk food? Ross is angry at Dustin’s attitude because everyone needs to look at the big picture. He’s worried this won’t work out for Dustin.

Dinner is ready. While eating, Dustin tries to steal everyone’s appetite by bringing up the sex tape he made four years ago. Da Brat, calling Dustin “Screech,” seems surprised at this. Dustin hates being called “Screech.” Therefore, from now on I will call him “Screech.”

Screech says it’s okay because he’s been in a relationship for four years now. How convenient. Cledus tries to change the subject to the hike, but Screech just blows him off and keeps babbling about the tape. No one cares and everyone is ticked off at Screech. Cledus, Brat, and Kim talk about this in interviews. Screech happens to eavesdrop on Kim saying, “We’re not interested.” Screech storms off in fury and threatens to leave the show.

This is almost embarrassing. Screech gets unnecessarily worked up over something he wasn’t supposed to hear since it was, you know, a private interview. Secondly, what Kim (and Brat and Cledus and me) said was absolutely true. I live with someone like Dustin. He doesn’t care if what he says bores, annoys, or offends anyone, and he’ll just keep babbling on and mouthing off. However, if you call him on it, he’ll act like someone kicked him in the groin and then stole his puppy. It’s like these people can’t live without spewing negativity onto the world, and yet claim other people are being negative when they try to talk about it.

Whoops, I got a little ranty there. Sorry. Anyway, Screech wallows in the cabin lounge. He tells Maureen and Ross that he “won’t spend 16 weeks being bashed.” He says he grew up in show business and won’t take disrespect from someone who “lost on a TV show.” He was forced to sell stupid T-shirts in a lame attempt to save his house, and he thinks losing on American Idol is pathetic? He claims Kim isn’t a “big dog,” yet Maureen says, “None of us are big dogs.” Well said, Marcia Brady.

Ross and Maureen try to keep Screech around, but he says, “It’s just a show.” Sigh. Ross leaves, and Maureen seems to give up as well. Ross tells Warren and Cledus about the Screech situation. Warren told Screech to stay earlier, but then says if Screech wants to quit, he should quit. Cledus, being 2,000 miles away from his daughter, feels no sympathy for Screech. Nor should he, because Screech claims Cledus has no fellowship in his soul for Screech. Ugh.

Cledus shows up, and Maureen asks the two of them to talk. Cledus is willing, but Screech “won’t be forced into conversations.” And yet he feels no one cares about him. Good grief. Cledus recalls the entire hubbub starting when Screech scoffed at Kim’s pizza addiction. Excellent point, Cledus. Why should Screech feel hurt from what Kim said when he made fun of Kim’s situation? He claims food is not addictive like heroin.

Cledus brings up Screech telling others not to push themselves in order to get more screen time. Screech denies it, saying that wasn’t what he said. Cledus and Maureen ask what he did say, but Screech whines about being lectured. He also says, “People who can’t separate fantasy from reality have a problem.” Cledus gives up but leaves with saying Screech is crass and offensive.

It is now Day 18, and the celebs arrive at the CWAP room. After introducing diet expert Dr. Ian Smith, psychotherapist Stacy Kaiser, and drill sergeant Harvey Walden IV, ANT asks about the drama at the cabin. Kim says the whole problem started when Screech felt no one cared about him talking about his sex tape. So ANT asks if anyone did care. Brat shakes her head profusely, and Kim verbally says no.

Screech says his feelings were hurt. Cledus hopes it won’t happen again. Brat says when Screech noticed that no one was listening while the cameras were rolling, he got upset. Good one, Brat, exposing the camera hog. Except that we all know already. Brat doesn’t like Screech now and doesn’t want to communicate with him anymore.

Dustin “Screech” Diamond is first to weigh in and get lambasted by the panel. Last time, Screech weighed 217 pounds and received a target of 5 lbs. This week, he weighs 208 lbs., an impressive loss of 9 lbs. Especially considering that his food diary shows him eating nothing but highly un-diet foods.

Dr. Ian Smith, who has made a good living as a diet expert, calls BS, especially since Screech hasn’t put in so much exercise time. Screech claims he didn’t get portions right. He doesn’t want to have a heart attack, but Screech doesn’t feel he is at risk. Hoo boy.

Stacy brings out a fleece jacket. Screech had them made for the team. The name is The Regulators, and each fleece has the nickname of a teammate. Considering this, Stacy wonders if the “ganging up” on Screech changed anything. Screech says he won’t push relationships onto anyone. Stacy knows Screech’s behavior pushes people away, but he asks about other people’s behaviors that annoy him. Well, when that behavior stems from your own, you better do something about it. Harvey simply asks Screech not to quit, then gives the same 5-lb. target for next time.

Before we get to the next weigh-in, we need to know team names and captains. Screech already gave us the men’s team name, The Regulators. But who is the captain? Screech votes for Ross, which is a little surprising. Ross votes for Warren. Cledus and Warren both vote for themselves, so Warren is the head Regulator. Yay. The women have already decided on a captain. Thanks to her impressive work at the hike, Kim is the captain of the team. I can feel Screech’s mental complaints. Her team is now the Shady Lady Bunch.

With that, it’s Kimberley Locke’s turn to weigh in. Last time, Kim weighed 176 lbs. and received a 5-lb. target. This week, Kim matches Screech’s 9-lb. loss to weigh in at 167 lbs. Screech doesn’t look too happy. Kim is proud of herself. She lost the weight and also gained a boyfriend. Though hesitant about saying so, Kim met a guy at her high school’s ten-year reunion. As captain, Kim tells Harvey that she senses high motivation in her team. After the hike, she and Brat did 300 crunches in their room, one for each Spartan. Kim’s new target is 4 lbs.