Surviving Africa, the Finale: May the Best Man Win

Even though Survivor: Africa is over, you can still order Survivor III, the Diary, by Mark Burnett

And so the finale begins. This year, unlike last, they decided to keep it to the final four in the end, rather than boring us to tears for an hour and only having the final three. Thank you, Mark Burnett!

It starts on night 36, after they’ve dumped Teresa. Lex says they are in the home stretch and emotions are all over the place. The game has been a giant puzzle and sometimes, as when Teresa told him about Tom, the loose pieces suddenly fit. He fills in Ethan on what Teresa had said and Kim notes that it is quite upsetting to Lex.

Ethan is skeptical; he figures Teresa probably was just saying whatever she could to try to save her own skin. Kim says she would be in his shoes, too, but says Tom approached her to vote against Lex twice. So Lex says he’s going to have a paranoid monster-to-man talk with Tom the next day. He’ll offer to shake on their deal on Tom’s son’s name, and if he won’t shake, then Lex will know the truth.

So the next day, Lex is still talking about how he is worried “more than ever” that somebody is trying to burn him. More than ever?! I don’t really think that’s possible. Anyway, he confronts Tom about his alleged treachery, asking if Tom really told Teresa that she couldn’t trust Lex. Tom says absolutely not! (To the camera, privately, he says, well, he doesn’t think so, anyway.) Tom wonders what kind of question that is at this stage of the game. But Lex continues. Did Tom tell Kim J. to vote against him? Tom admits that he did, but asks why Lex wants to dig up bones now. They proceed to argue about what happened when they were part of Samburu. Tom says he could have voted Lex off at any time (well, except when he had immunity all those times), and Lex counters that he could have done the same. Aha! So there! Now Lex is upset because he thinks Tom implied that he carried Lex along, and, dammit, he’s not here because somebody carried him. Nobody did him any favors! Psycho-Lex comes out again. In fact, Tom calls it paranoia, but he says his alliance with Lex and Ethan is still in force.

As Lex said earlier, he wants to shake on it with Tom. Tom says he has no need to shake because they shook on it earlier. Of course, this only feeds Lex’s paranoia. Still, he wouldn’t feel right cutting Tom off at the knees (after all, it’s not like he’s Kelly or something), so he’s willing to take a gamble with him by keeping the pact together. Nobody seems to be considering the possibility that Kim might win immunity. I don’t blame them.

After all the bad vibes, the four of them decide to head up on top of some rocks to, as Lex says, “Zen out.” I have to wonder if this is something the producers encourage, since it sure is similar to what the group did on Survivor 2. Anyway, after that, Kim says that she realizes the immunity challenges are important because she has to make it to the final three under her own power. In other words, she knows she’s a fourth wheel on a tricycle. Hello?! Teresa had been trying to tell you this for weeks now! You had to wait ‘til you got into the final four before you figured it out? Why didn’t you take some sort of action to put yourself into a better position?

As Lex says, it’s all about winning. But apparently not for Kim.

Treemail brings them news of what will obviously be the Fallen Comrades challenge – not like that was too predictable or anything. In trying to prepare, Tom asks Lex what Frank’s kid’s names are, and Lex says he doesn’t know to this and other questions (yeah, right). Ethan is worried that if he gets one wrong about a jury member, that person will think he wasn’t really close with them. They all think Kim has a good shot at it, but I’m sitting here smugly thinking they’re nuts.

The jury walks in, this time with Teresa in a sarong (which is much more palatable than the others, no matter what the reasons might have been). The final four will be asked eight questions. The person with the highest total wins immunity.

1. What rank did Frank reach in the Army? Answer: Staff Sergeant. None of them get it right (Tom answers Lieutenant-Private – what the hell is that?!).
2. Which contestant listed manipulating men as a favorite hobby on the application? Answer: Kelly. All get it. She shrugs and smiles.
3. Who was the first to hit a target in the archery competition? Answer: Lindsey. Only Tom gets it right.
4. They are given a photo. Whose children are they and what are their names? Answer: Teresa’s, and they are Ellie and Tyler. All get it right.
5. In which city and state is Jessie a deputy sheriff? Answer: Orlando, Florida. All get it right.
6. Which contestant has a tattoo of a black widow spider? For extra credit: Where? Answer: Brandon, on his back. Lex and Kim get both points, Ethan and Tom get the who but not the where.
7. Who are Sage Hunter and Jocyln Rose? Answer: Frank’s kids. All get it right.
8. Which female contestant has no piercings, including her ears? Answer: Kelly. Kim is the only one to get it right, which means she wins her very first challenge!

When I heard the questions, including three points based on tattoos and piercings, I thought sure is was geared for Lex. But Kim surprised, well, pretty much everybody and pulled out a win when she needed to.

From the challenge, they went immediately into the vote – no time for more strategizing now that the Boran Boys Club has to turn on somebody in their own ranks.

Kim votes unsurprisingly for Tom. She says she’s sorry and he is great fun, but he started playing the manipulation game and setting one person against another – that doesn’t cut it with her. Yes, that’s right, playing the game of Survivor apparently doesn’t sit well with Kim. Anyway, Ethan also votes for Tom (though we don’t know that immediately) and says it isn’t personal, but it’s every man for himself now. He respects Tom and Tom carried him all the way. Lex also (again without surprise) votes against Tom. Tom, in another non-shocking move, votes against Lex. So by three votes to one, it’s time for Tom to leave.

In his final words, Tom gives special thanks to Lex and Ethan for being man enough to stay with the alliance until the very end.

So now it’s day 38.Very early on day 38, to be specific. Host Jeff Probst wakes them up before dawn to begin their rather long day. Lex, though, has already had a long night of diarrhea and cramps keeping him up and going to the bathroom quite often, not to mention that he couldn’t even hold down water. But as he says, Survivor never quits. If you’re not 100%, tough.

Probst leads them to a final rite of passage, where they are supposed to go through a Samburu ritual and think about how they got to this point, etc. It’s the same Mark Burnett spiritual mumbo jumbo we’ve seen in previous ones. Linda would have loved it.

The three get blessings from tribal elders, pass by the staffs of previously voted-out players (while we get clips and voiceovers from them), and then they have a ceremonial cleansing involving being smeared with goat fat and blood (I don’t know about anybody else, but when I think about being smeared with fat and blood, the word “cleansing” does not immediately leap to mind!). And then they dance around with the tribe for a while.

From there they go directly to the final immunity challenge. As predicted, this is another hand-on-the-idol endurance contest. It’s different from Survivor 1 because they have to stay in pretty much exactly the same position – no moving around. They get up on two thin stumps (one for each foot) and have to put one hand on the idol. They cannot lift a foot or their hand.

It is “only” 87 degrees at 9:00 in the morning, one hour into the challenge. Ethan is obviously having problems keeping his concentration early on. He hangs on for a while but eventually, after two and three-quarters hours, loses his balances and lifts one of his feet. He’s out. And he’s mad at himself. He tells the other two to give it all they’ve got because it doesn’t feel good to lose it. He says (to the camera) that he worked his butt off to get to this point and this one silly little mistake is a killer.

After three hours, it’s 101 degrees. Lex is feeling the distress from his stomach problems of the previous night. Kim just has an incredibly determined look. After three hours and twenty minutes, Lex falls.

What?! Let me get this straight – Kim won not just one, but both immunity challenges?! Who the hell would have predicted that? Even Kim probably wouldn’t have, as she says it was pure determination of a sort she doesn’t think she’s ever seen in herself before.

Kim talks about how this sort of thing only happens in the wildest dreams (I think most viewers would agree there!). She is stunned, because she was worried about being the first voted off and here she is in the final two!

Lex talks about how he is glad they are the final three, and Ethan says they needed each other to get there. Then they segue into discussions of who might be going tonight. Lex notes that it’s all up to Kim. He tells Ethan that regardless of what happens, he’s proud to have played and had an alliance with him. Ethan says his destiny is in somebody else’s hands and he’s feeling vulnerable.

Kim, playing the “Mom” role perfectly, says she loves both her sons, er, cohorts equally and this is one of the biggest decisions of her life. She says it might be more based on strategy if she thought one was easier to beat than the other, and if she knew for sure that the other person wouldn’t be hurt to be voted out.

So they go to Tribal Council for the final vote out of the tribe. Breaking the string of sarongs, Big Tom is not in one. Thank you for sparing us that sight, Tom. Anyway, Probst notes that a 56-year-old grandma kicked the asses of two young and able guys. Kim says she showed herself that she could do something she didn’t think she was capable of. Ethan says it was tough and he thought he would do better, so he’s sure it will bug him for a long time. Lex says his failure was caused by physical problems – he didn’t have the strength to stand. So the strongest person won.

Before the vote, Probst asks Kim if she has made up her mind or wants to hear from Ethan and Lex first. She wants to hear from them (anything to delay having to make a decision, after all). Lex says she should vote her heart – don’t look back, don’t regret. Ethan provides similar thoughts, saying she should do what makes her feel good inside. Oh, both of you guys were so helpful, I’m sure!

So she votes, saying she hopes he forgives her and repeating that it is probably the hardest thing she has had to do, but she knows they will always be good friends. When she returns and all three hold hands, we find out that she voted against Lex. Yes, that’s right, Kim pulled a Colby.

Lex says he played straight and honest and true and hard for 38 days, and there are no ill feelings. Kim walks off wondering if she did the right thing.

Allow me to answer that: No!

Well, I mean, she did the right thing for everybody who wanted to see Ethan win, but she did not do the right thing for herself. It’s the finale of Survivor 2 all over again. We are down to an older woman and a younger athletic guy. The only difference this time is that their roles are reversed. This time “Tina” chose “Colby” rather than “Keith” to go into the final four. Yes, I know, Lex was not thought of as much of a villain by the other players as he has been portrayed, but still, she at least might have had some chance against him. She had none against Ethan. Then again, I thought she had no chance of winning an immunity challenge, let alone two.

And so it’s the final day. Kim wakes up and says she really relishes being at the end with Ethan – she couldn’t be with a better person. She explains that she voted for Ethan to come along because Lex thought he deserved it, and Ethan never made it seem that way. Ethan says he’s beside himself with joy, relief, and gratitude.

Ethan thinks it will be a one-vote jury. He figures “the guys” – Lex, Tom, and Frank – will vote for him. He thinks “the girls” – Kelly, Kim P., and Teresa – will vote for Kim J. And Brandon (who he amusingly puts in neither category) will be the swing vote.

It’s time to leave camp for the final time. Unlike previous Survivors, Kim and Ethan don’t trash camp and burn up all the belongings before leaving. They just leave everything where it is and walk out. As they are making their way to the final Tribal Council, each jury member gives thoughts about the upcoming Q&A and vote:

Kim P. says it will probably be very tense and tough to decide who will win. They are an unlikely pair to have made it this far; everybody assumed Kim J. would probably go early.

Lex says nobody ends up in the final two by luck or coincidence, but only on their own merit. His intuition (dare I say his “gut”) is that the seven jurors are all over the map with different opinions, and this is still anyone’s game.

Teresa says it’s bittersweet. She has to make a decision on two people she likes a lot and respects.

Brandon says a lot of revenge is involved. He doesn’t care at all for one of them and therefore can show it by voting against that person. But both made it through 39 days through all of them with big personalities, so they both deserve credit.

Frank says it’s all about loyalty. They had loyalty to each other but everything is cut loose at the end.

Tom says he made his decision in 2.9 seconds – immediately after he was voted out. So he doesn’t have a serious question, but one that will make ‘em scratch their heads and wonder what kind of stupid question he is asking.

Kell admits she is the sorest loser there and doesn’t know how she’ll vote. She wants them both to squirm; she wants fireworks. She hopes they will squirm in their Reeboks (what, you didn’t think we could get through the finale without a plug, did you?).

Once they get to the final Tribal Council, it’s time for the last two to state their cases. Kim says she can’t ask people to vote for her. When you’re out there for 39 days it’s hard for her to tell them something the don’t already think she is. She says all of them made her feel young and important, and made her the best she can be.

Ethan says when he first arrived, he set some goals. These were to play with integrity and to show that good, honest people can get far in the game. Sometimes the game clouds the way a person would normally act. It’s important to look at the whole picture and vote what’s in their hearts.

Now it’s time for the jury to fire back. Each can ask one question (though their definition of “one” can be stretched, as we’ll see) or statement.

Brandon: I honestly don’t know whose name I’ll write down (so he starts by lying and saying he’s being honest, since he had already told us that he knew who he would be voting for). He says he didn’t know either ‘til the merge and so thought about who got to know him or liked him more. That would be neither. In fact, neither liked him enough to keep him longer than Frank! So, if the two of them weren’t the ones in the finals, which jury member most deserved to be there?

Ethan says Lex, because he’s confident, has strong will, and won a ton of challenges. Plus, if he could beat Lex in this game, it was a great accomplishment. Kim also goes with the safe answer of Lex, saying he was as supportive as anyone.

Then Brandon asks his second question – oh, I’m sorry, the second part of his first question. Who was least deserving of being in the final two. Ethan lets honesty get the better of him and says that would be Brandon himself! Ouch! Kim goes for the more political answer and picks somebody who she knew wouldn’t be voting for her anyway – Tom. She says this only because he seems not so in favor of women at the end. He’s cool because he’s a guy’s guy, though. Sorry, Tom.

Lex: What is the first selfless act you will perform when you get back?

Kim says she will help with the Wamba AIDS project (a good kiss-ass answer since she knows how his trip to the AIDS hospital affected him). Ethan says he will devote time to helping with an inner city soccer league because he really enjoyed playing with the kids during his village trip.

Frank: When we set foot on the continent, he says, they were warned of the “big five” animals to watch out for. If 16 new contestants were dropped off here, what “big five” characteristics would they tell the 16 they needed to win?

Ethan: Willpower, strength, integrity, intelligence, and a little luck. Kim: Respect, thoughtfulness, flexibility, love, and understanding.

Kelly: She says she had 15 days to think about this and hoped to see those two on the jury, though it could have been worse (hint, hint, Lex). She says she was surprised and disappointed by their conduct but they did some great things. For one, Kim voted off Lex and gave Kelly a chance to see him take his own “walk of shame.” But Kim totally sold her out, and part of her success is at Kelly’s expense, so Kim shouldn’t flatter herself about having high integrity. (This is the closest to the snake/rat speech in a couple series.) Ethan, she says, had no relationship with her and didn’t try to form one. So she will decide as follows: Pick a number between 1 and 1000.

Kim says 3 (what?! You don’t pick a low number like that!). Ethan picks 888 (doesn’t he watch The Price is Right? He should have just picked 4).

Kim P.: She says she learned something about herself from both Tom and Frank over the course of the game (and Tom learned an awful lot about you, especially during those bathing sessions!). So she asks from whom on the jury did they learn the most and the least about themselves.

Kim says she learned the most from, well, Kim P. It wasn’t that Kim P. was with her so long or was particularly supportive of her, but that she had the guts to call off her wedding. Kim J. says she probably would have kept doing what was expected of her, no matter what her thoughts (indeed, that pretty much sums up most of her Survivor experience, I think). Also, Kim P. was dealt a blow by one of her fellow tribe members, but the first thing she wanted to do was get back and be friends again (obviously talking about Brandon). And least was Tom. She says she’s not picking on him (yes she is, and with a good strategic reason), and he was a lot of laughs, but she just didn’t learn a lot about herself from him.

Ethan says he learned most from Teresa, with whom he bonded. She was like a safe place for him. Her willpower and desire to win was an inspiration to him. Least would be Kelly. It seems like he didn’t take enough time to get to know her, and that was a mistake. So that’s why he didn’t really have the opportunity to learn much about himself from her (that was a good response – turn a negative into a positive).

Tom congratulates them both and notes that he lost “a little” weight, in large part because all they had to eat was corn mush. So if a hyena came through camp and ate the corn mush, and then licked his hind end, was it animal instinct or to get the taste of the mush out of his mouth?

Both answer that it was to clean his hind end. Kim further notes that the mush was the only thing to eat, and taste has to be the first luxury that is dropped under such conditions.

Teresa notes that Tom’s is a hard act to follow. But she says while they both said they tried to play with integrity, is there anything they wish they could take back?

Kim says she didn’t sell out Kelly, but she didn’t know enough to come to her defense either. She misjudged her and it happened so fast, but that’s still no excuse. It was wrong and she regrets it. Ethan uses the same vote but a different situation. He says he thought Frank was the one who cast the vote and he mostly sat on that notion, though he did mention that concern. While it didn’t come to anything, he feels bad about accusing him without any details.

So, it’s time for the vote!

Brandon votes for Kim, saying he came there with the definite plan to vote for Ethan. His question was mostly just a way to get another jab at Frank, but Ethan slammed Brandon on his own question. “Dumb Ethan, so stupid.” Kim is just as deserving, so she gets his vote.

Kim P. thinks long and hard and votes for Kim J. She too says she thought she would vote for Ethan, and both are really amazing competitors, but Kim, at 56, is impressive and deserves it.

Tom votes for Ethan, saying Kim was just like a woman in his hometown who stabbed him in the back. When she lost two or three challenges, he felt sorry for her, and decided to keep the weakest. She rode in on Lex’s and Ethan’s heels, but fate caught up with her. Apparently she would routinely hush him in the morning, and he refers to that, so now he’s hushing her and telling her to shut up. Ouch.

Kelly quotes from her favorite movie, The Graduate, in which the number 568 is used. That was her number, so her vote goes to Ethan.

We don’t see Lex’s vote, but we’ll later find that he voted for Ethan. Same with Frank and Teresa.

After they go to commercial, I fully expect to see them back on the live soundstage. Instead, they appear to still be at Tribal Council for the vote. Something hinky happens with the sound and I start to wonder, but everybody looks the same from what I can tell. Same clothes, same beards and hair, etc.

Anyway, Probst asks the two finalists, now that the votes have been cast, if there is anything they want to admit. Kim says that, in truth, she was scared a lot and may not have covered it up as well as she thought. She was afraid of failing and of letting the others think that she didn’t deserve to be there. The last immunity challenge changed that. She felt like she needed to prove that she did deserve to be there and that nobody carried her there (well, I would disagree, but okay). Ethan says that he is surprised that Kelly – someone so smart – would let her vote come down to picking a random number. It was a little frustrating and silly, but you have to be okay with it in the end.

So Probst tallies the votes. Kim and Ethan sit next to each other, holding hands. One for Kim. One for Ethan. One for Kim. One for Ethan. One for Ethan. And the winner is… Ethan! The camera pans back and reveals that they are, indeed, on a soundstage. They did a hell of a job making it look like the Tribal Council set-up from the final episode, getting everybody with facial hair, same clothes, etc. Had it not been for the minor sound glitch, I never would have had a clue.

In the end, Kim only got two votes – and both of those (Brandon and Kim P.) had come to Tribal Council planning to vote for Ethan! The jury recognized who had played the game better and who had just been carried along. It was not simply a matter of likeability, though that certainly came into play.

Congratulations to Ethan!

If you haven’t already seen them, be sure to check out Why Tom Lost, Why Kim J. Lost, Why Lex Lost, and, of course, Why Ethan Won.

Even though Survivor: Africa is over, you can still order Survivor III, the Diary, by Mark Burnett

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