Surviving the Marquesas, Episode 1: Yoga No Go

It’s finally here -- Survivor: Marquesas. Well, okay, we didn’t have to wait nearly as long as for the second and third series, but still, we missed it.

And the producers really know how to start a show. It isn’t but a few seconds into the first episode that we get to see a contestant puking in a bucket below deck on the fishing trawler that brings them out – in rough water – to be dumped off two miles away from their beaches. Similar to the first Survivor, they are given a raft and have to jump into the water, along with a crate and some other items. But this crate doesn’t contain rice and canned food and similar provisions. They only get some pots, water containers, machetes, a pan, and a magnifying glass.

We are briefly introduced to the contestants this time around, but most of us already knew who they were from the flurry of publicity. In case you didn’t know, you can take a look at our preview and prediction article. Rotu has Kathy, Gabriel, Tammy, Paschal, John, Neleh, Zoe, and Robert. Maraamu has Gina, Sean, Sarah, Rob, Vecepia, Peter, Patricia, and Hunter.

As Rotu starts to row to (get it?) shore, they tire out when they realize they aren’t making much progress. But they start singing and trying to get a good rowing motion going, which Zoe says really brings them together. They’re all thankful to hit the beach finally.

But not nearly as thankful as a couple of the Maraamu. When Sean finishes complaining about Sarah not doing anything and arriving on the raft like Cleopatra with her servants, he moves on to thanking God (over and over and over again) for guiding them to that spot. Great, as if Mark Burnett didn’t have an ego already, now he’s got Sean calling him God. Sean and Peter then have, as Rob puts it, a prayer baptism revival on the beach. He says they are either already playing the game or off their rockers. I vote for the latter.

Back in Rotu, they discover that the crate contains no food. Whoops! Guess they forgot to tell the contestants that part. The looks on their faces is priceless. They do, however, find a map to their water plus the other stuff mentioned earlier. John says the first thing they need to do is get fire. But, as Robert notes, the sun is going down and the sky is clouding up. Not exactly perfect conditions for using that magnifying glass. When it didn’t work, Kathy (who Gabriel says slipped into the “skipper” role, although they didn’t need one) still insists they get fire now, so they tried rubbing two pieces of wood together and have the same amount of success – none.

Over in Maraamu, Hunter leads the group in trying to get fire. Gina notes that Hunter just knows so much – Sean starts making fun of him and calling him MacGuyver for some of his ideas. Privately he notes that Hunter is already becoming the focal point, but he is an alpha male too and he’s from Harlem and is going to represent – whatever that means.

Using the magnifying glass, they get smoke, but no fire. That is, no fire until Peter comes in with his Yoga-trained ability to provide long breaths that help them achieve fire. Well, look at that – Yoga is good for something.

As night falls, the flirting already begins on Maraamu. Vecepia says Sarah has a cute body – and she paid a lot for it. Yow! Catfight! She adds that Sarah knows how to flaunt it. Indeed, it doesn’t take long for Rob to go for the bait and follow Sarah over to the raft to hang out/flirt/whatever. Gina wonders if it’s flirting or making an alliance. C’mon, Gina – did you see Rob? Did you see Sarah? They are not thinking about alliances.

By the way, in the preview article I mentioned that there was something about Rob I didn’t like but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I finally figured it out – he reminds me of Justin from Big Brother 2. Sarah, I’d watch out if Rob picks up a machete.

The next morning in Rotu, the campers realize they have no water, so they’d better find some. Kathy says she doesn’t want to be the blonde bitchy person – because that’s not who she is – but she gets assertive when critical jobs are not getting done. Well, that’s a sure way to stick around Survivor! Just ask Debb and B.B.!

Anyway, they find their water source, which turns out to be a waterFALL. So they play in the water and even find some roots to eat. It’s a good old time.

Maraamu finds some grapefruit and then Rob hears a rooster. He decides this fruit isn’t cutting it (remember, this is only the second day!) and figures he’ll catch himself some meat. He chases and hunts the rooster until he has it up a tree. Aha! It has to come down sometime, right? Wrong. Rob says he had no idea roosters could fly. But there it went. So long KFC.

Hunter is less than happy with Rob’s wasted efforts. He says Rob is focusing on unimportant matters and has a little chat with Rob about it. So Rob shuffles off to do some real work in order to stay in the good graces of the leader man.

Returning from their romp, Rotu has water, but they still don’t have fire. Kathy is quite impatient about it and John gets a bit annoyed with her. Finally, though, he gets so annoyed that he fixates on getting fire and manages to do so. John and Kathy make up. Awww.

Meanwhile, Maraamu decides maybe they should get water. They follow the map but only get a little spring – definitely not the nice waterfall the Rotu have.

When they return, Peter decides he’s being a workaholic and decides to slow down. So he goes to the raft and hangs out with Sean – “chilling.” Some others come over and they have a nice conversation – well, nice from his point of view. He starts talking about Yoga again and various other things that make him sound like Linda of the Marquesas, and the others get a bit tired of it very quickly. Rob says he’s a fruit loop while Patria just mutters, “I’ve had enough,” and walks away. Way to make friends and influence people, Pete!

Then it’s time for the first challenge. Host Jeff Probst notes that they will not be getting any help with the fire this time (unlike previous series, where fire was a reward along with immunity in the first challenge). The two tribes are set up for a race. They must carry an outrigger canoe fitted with two torches (total weight of about 300 pounds). They have to run it down to the beach, swim with it to a floating fire, light their torches, then use the torches to light various floats along the way back until they get back up on the beach and have to carry the canoe for the remaining distance.

Maraamu takes an early lead but falls behind due to some torch troubles. Rotu pulls out way ahead, to the point that they just need to walk from the beach up to the final fire in order to win. So predictions were right; Rotu won the first challenge. Would the predictions of which Maraamu contestant is booted first also come true?

Day three dawns and Rob notes that with a vote coming up, the game has begun. As Sean says, the party is over.

Peter shares his strategy, which is to keep the tribe as strong as possible. Patricia thinks this may mean they are gunning for her – she is older, overweight, etc. But she says she is not weak – she can endure.

Peter tries to gather the troops to discuss voting strategy and shares some more Yoga mumbo jumbo with them. Sarah snaps back that she is going to vote the way she wants to vote, and she doesn’t want to talk about it now. Later she tells the camera that the way she wants to vote is to get rid of Peter, because he’s strange.

As Peter tries to discuss alliances, Hunter says alliances mean nothing right now. Well, I think Ethan from last season might disagree there, since his alliance was set very shortly after they arrived. But I digress. Sean says he wants Sarah out because the only thing she brings to the tribe are two floating devices (as in, on her chest). He says he also figures the more males they keep on the tribe, the better their chances. Gina is deciding between three possibilities: Patricia is the weakest, Sarah uses her body to manipulate, and Peter upset her with his attempts to discuss strategy this morning.

And so the first Tribal Council arrives. Probst says they are holding it in a place that is like ancient dwellings all over the Marquesas where they have held any number of rituals over time. OK, whatever, get on with it before you start to sound like Peter. He asks Gina what it’s like to get everything (food, water, fire) themselves. She says it’s rewarding – they had to get it and they got it. Vecepia is asked if a leader emerged, and she says yes, Hunter. She values his leadership, especially since he is open to everybody. Next Probst asks Peter if he felt like he fits in. Peter gives a distressingly honest answer and says no, he never did feel comfortable. He just doesn’t understand the way this works, does he? The last thing you want to do just before a vote is point out that you are not fitting in with the rest of your tribe!

Oh, and Probst asks Sarah if everybody has a role in the tribe. She says some are better at things than others, but everybody jumps in where they can. Hmmm. And what would her role be? Model?

And so they vote. Indeed, as the spoilers had predicted, Peter is ousted. He gets four votes, Sarah gets two, and Patricia one. Actually, Peter gets five but they don’t bother to count the last one since he’s gone anyway. Incidentally, I should point out that in case you didn’t already know this, Mark Burnett has stated that in this version old votes don’t count against the players in the event of a tie. I alluded to this in the preview article, but never explained it outright. Sorry ‘bout that.

Of the votes that are specifically shown, Peter votes for Patricia, although he appears confused because as he does so, he says she deserves to stay. Okay, then why did you vote for her? Sarah votes for Peter, saying he is very nice but he threw her off with the things he did that morning. Sean stands by what he’d said earlier and votes for Sarah, saying he loves her like a play cousin (???) but she is not holding up her end of the bargain.

So Peter leaves, saying in his final words that he took himself too seriously and should have listened to his wife and had more fun. Too late now!

Next week, Patricia takes charge (uh oh – I see more Debb and B.B. flashbacks) and Rotu hunts pigs (now I’m seeing Mike flashbacks). I think I might need to go see a doctor about these flashbacks…

Incidentally, I should note that Snickers – one of the Survivor main sponsors this time around – had a pretty good commercial near the end of the show. It featured the Survivor: Africa players taking their worst bow & arrow shots from the challenge last season. Then the announcer says that bad aim is another side effect of hunger. So don’t let hunger happen to you. Hmmm. I guess you had to be there.

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