No Boundaries, Episode #1: Alliances

This show is not going to suck, damn it.

I liked it. And, actually, if it weren’t for my rule of never appearing on another reality show, combined with my personal credo of never intentionally sleeping in the company of insects, I would so want to be a competitor on this show. They get to hike and rock climb and stuff. Neat.

Okay, the show opens with commentary from our host, Troy Hartman. The first thing I notice about ol’ Troy is that his voice is really irritating. (If Jim Henson Jr. ever needs someone to voice over for Kermit, this guy would be the choice.) Let’s hope he keeps the chattering to a minimum from here on out.

The fifteen contestants play “getting to know you” on a train ride to the first location. The task at hand is to choose the first leader, who has the arduous tasks of calling the shots for the first day and eventually selecting the first person cut from the team. Someone pipes up, “Does anyone want to volunteer?” After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Todd, the 53-year-old veterinarian from Oregon, says, “I’ll do it.” The troops cheer, and everything seems to be groovy. We see a clip of Sharon, the 22-year-old Marine, saying she thinks that Todd’s volunteering shows his innate leadership; then we hear Rosie’s opinion (she’s the 21-year-old aerobics instructor) that maybe everyone was just being fake about being okay with Todd actually taking some initiative. (We’ll hear plenty more complaining from this chick, I assure you.)

Todd says that he thought more people wanted to speak up, but that someone had to step up to the plate and do it. I, for one, am glad he was the one who did… more about that at the end.

The first event is called a group award event. Basically, every member of the team has to complete the challenges ahead to get enough supplies for everyone. If they don’t all complete it, they have to share one bag of supplies. (Yikes.) The group does quite a bit of hiking and climbing through Kennedy Canyon just to get to the beginning of this event, which is called the “trust walk.” There are two cables suspended 45° over water; the cables get further apart from each other as they reach the other side. Each member must cross to the other side without falling into the water. After a few botched attempts, the team figures out that they must cross two at a time, one person on each cable, clasping each other’s hands to stabilize each other (or possibly throwing each other off balance – therein lies the “trust”) as they cross. So the group works in pairs, and my first thought is, “But there are 15 people. Uh oh, someone’s getting screwed here.” The pairs get across with little trouble with the exception of Jill (the 48-year-old dental hygienist) and Kelly (26-year-old account exec). These two make a great effort each time, but just as they reach the end keep falling into the water. Their frustration is clear but they refuse to give up, and they make it across on the fourth attempt. And now we’re down to the odd-girl out, Sharon (a.k.a. “the one who got screwed”). She’s left to make her way across the river with the assistance of a log, which appears to end up being more of a hindrance to her. By the time she finishes, she’s soaked through and shivering her 95-pound little butt off. I even think she started to turn blue. Not good.

Just a side note here: now, you would think that Sharon would be used to freezing cold temperatures, what with being a Marine and all. (Isn’t part of their training being trapped in an igloo with only a teaspoon and a safety pin to use for extrication? That’s what I heard…) Anyway, I’ve always been under the impression that Marines are put through absolute living hell in their training. They always hit the fight first, and they’re damn good and ready for it.

But Sharon continues to have great difficulty in warming back up to a normal body temperature while our adventures continue on to the next challenge, so Todd makes the executive decision to withdraw her from the challenge and send her to the medic waiting nearby. The rest of the crew completes the “tight rope” event – crossing a rope suspended over water half way, then swimming the rest of the way. Todd finishes last, and the team waits anxiously for news about Sharon. The deal is this: if the medic determines that Todd made the right decision in pulling her from the event, then they get the goodies. If it’s determined that she would have been okay to do it, then they lose.

The tension is mounting…

The verdict: Sharon was in the early stages of hypothermia, and if Todd had not sent her for medical attention, her life would’ve been in jeopardy. All hail, Todd, master of decision-making! Sharon returns to the group almost good as new (though visibly shaken), and everyone welcomes her back.

The group proceeds to the campsite; Rosie whines to Rob and John about Todd being the leader. (Oh, stop it… you had your chance to object and you didn’t take it, so suck it up.) They set up camp for the night, and we now come to the part where people start to wonder who’s going to get the boot. Kelly and Jill are both concerned because of their “trust walk” fiasco, but Jill remains hopeful that Todd will give them a gold star for tenacity. Rosie thinks Todd will pick a girl and fears that it may be her. (I have no idea why she would think so when he has Jill, Kelly, and Sharon to choose from, but she just has to be droning on about something, I guess.) Rob shows us what a skeptic he is by making some comment about the current group dynamic. Kelly says that the fair thing would be to remove Sharon, because she has thus far shown the greatest amount of weakness.

I think Todd will choose Sharon, if for no other reason than the Yukon sure isn’t tropical (hope you brought your parkas, kids), and she’s already gone hypothermatic on us. (Yes, I know that’s not a real word, but this is my article.)

The next day brings Todd’s big decision. Troy tells him to pull out three people, then return with two to the group. (Inspirational melodrama…) Todd pulls Jill, Stephanie (who?!?) and Sharon. Todd says he’s made no secret that his criteria for choosing the first to go would be performance, and so Sharon does end up getting the boot. No need to explain why. Although she has tears in her eyes, she takes it like a Marine and goes home. There is a bit of wailing and gnashing of teeth amongst the remaining competitors.

Just for the record: I was disappointed to see her go. She seemed to be (as Todd also pointed out) the victim of bad luck here… perhaps if she weren’t so darn teeny, she could’ve kept warm after getting dipped in that ice water. In her exit interview, she says her biggest fear is that the people back home might think less of her for getting eliminated so soon. Sharon, allow me to say this: you made it far enough to get on the show. I certainly don’t think less of you, kiddo, and I hope no one else does.

Troy points out in his annoying voice that the group now consists of seven men and seven women. The next event is an individual reward event. The crew gets divided into two teams now, and they will be rowing to Leonard Island and capturing a flag. Three members of the winning team chosen by Todd will be presented with waterproof lighters. Todd has to keep in mind, though, that when those people get sacked, the lighters go with ‘em.

The camera only shows about four members of each team while they are rowing, but to the best of my guessing ability Boat #1 has Allen, Stephanie, Matt, Eli, Rosie, Jill, and Kelly aboard while Boat #2 contains Todd, Rob, Dustin, Ina, John, Kirsten, and Jesse. The winner of the race is Boat #2; Todd and Rob jump out to capture the flag, Rob racing across shells in his bare feet, getting them hacked to bits in the process. He’s excited about winning but then later on looks kinda po’d when he’s not awarded one of the lighters after sacrificing his tootsies for the sake of the cause. They went to Jesse, John, and Ina.

The cliques are forming…

Jessie, Stephanie, and Ina seem to be buddying up while Rob, Rosie, Kirsten, and Jill form a definite alliance. (Did anyone else notice that they’re all blonds? Just curious.) Rosie gripes about how even thought Rob is really smart, they’re just a bunch of girls and that Rob’s not exactly the biggest guy, so it’s probably not the best alliance to have made. Jeez, girl…be happy that anyone even talks to you with how often you’re bitching. Rob says that he’s quite confident in his abilities, and that “the games are just beginning.” (Maniacal laugher echoes through the canyons…) Kelly says she’s having a hard time with the cliques and observes the formation of the “brat pack” – Allen, Eli, Matt and John. (Just a note to Kelly –these games revolve around cliques, sweetie. Better form one of your own.)

The time to nominate the new leader draws near…

…so Jesse makes a blatantly sexist remark about how the next leader should be a guy because “the males are way more together than the females.” (I’m sure he’s making lots of friends.) The group ranks each other to determine who the next leader will be. Allen wins the vote. Todd is under the impression that Allen isn’t his biggest fan, but it seems to be more of a competitive respect thing than an “I don’t like that guy” thing to me. Todd offers Allen his assistance, and Allen accepts. Thus endeth Episode #1.

Now that I’ve finished the recap, here’s my take on the contestants:

Todd – so far this man is the ultimate competitor. He’s levelheaded, intelligent, and authoritative without being bossy. He handled his leadership role with the ultimate class and dignity. He’s definitely a contender for the final three, if not the winner.

Allen – obviously bright, seems to be a good choice as the next leader.

Rosie – quit whining!! (meepmeepmeep) So far she has no redeeming qualities that I have seen. Her wisest move was making nice with Rob.

Rob – he’s a sneaky one; I wouldn’t get on his bad side.

Stephanie – she was selected as one of three to be eliminated (though I still can’t figure out why), so I suppose she’s not a good bet.

Kelly – she’ll hang in there for a while.

Jill – see Kelly.

Dustin – she’s very athletic and made a point of saying that she conducts herself with good sportsmanship. She’s flying right under the radar…very wise. I just have this feeling she’ll be in the final three.

Jesse – hold back on the sexism and you might last, pal, especially with that waterproof lighter.

Ina – she’s got a lighter, too. Need I say more?

John – and he’s got one, too.

Eli – nice pecs. He’s our resident eye candy, if nothing else.

Matt – we know he’s a good rower…

Kirsten – well, she’s in the blond alliance…

Tune in next week for the exciting second episode. Oh, wait…one final note to the producers – my roommate watched the show with me and asked, “Who’s that brunette standing around doing nothing?” She was referring to your “guide” (the model). You may want to show her doing more guiding, less standing around looking cute, tousled and veritably useless.

Dana can be contacted at LilDanaSunshine@msn.com.

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