Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Fantasy Game

Monday. I had an important decision in front of me. On the line? Bragging rights amongst my peers on the Internet. The question: Do I put Tara in the lineup tonight, or hold off until Jisela gets voted off?

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then you haven’t been visiting MTV.com lately. As Real World/Road Rules: Battle of the Seasons rages on, the web site has put a new twist to get viewers more involved: the Fantasy Challenge.

It seems so easy. At the start of the season, you get to pick eight players: four male, four female. You put six of them in your starting lineup. As those six accumulate points, you get those points as well. Sounds simple, right?

But there’s more. Points are also given for other things the contestants do, such as crying, fighting, backstabbing, and cheating. If one of your picks gets too friendly with another (re: “hook ups”), that’s 20 points right there. Nudity gets you 15 points per blur. Bleeped-out curses get three points; it seems like a small amount, but when you get a hothead like Belou on a rant, the points add up.

Oh, and you have to keep two of your players benched. So if they curse, flash and play well, and they’re on the bench, you’re out of luck. And MTV.com, in a show of sadism not seen since ABC pulled The Mole 2 off the air, throws out one “buzz word” per week. This word, which could be anything, gets ten points. In other words, one of your players can suck on the playing field, but if he says a certain word five times, that’s 50 points. In the second episode, Sean said “hurricane” three times. I had Sean. On my bench. He outpointed two of my starting guys, both of whom had no points. On the other hand, one buzzword was “jam sandwich,” uttered once by one guy: Timmy. I had Timmy in my starting lineup. Yea, Timmy.

If you’re stuck with a bum player, you can make a trade. However, you are limited to six. Also, if a player is voted off, you’re stuck with that person. You could dump the dead weight on the bench, or make a deal for a livelier player.

If you’re having trouble playing, think of it like this: for the starting lineup, there were 313,600 different combinations to start with. And if you factor in the bench, that’s a grand total of 52,998,400 combinations. So if you’re in the bottom two percentile, wondering what the hell you were thinking, don’t sweat it. There are a lot of people in the same boat that you are.

When I started, I went in with what I thought was a balanced lineup. On the male side, I eschewed noted drama kings and troublemakers such as Adam and Stephen. Instead, I went with guys that I could like. Timmy and Dan were consummate athletes on their respective seasons of Road Rules. Sean competed in lumberjack competitions before his stint on Real World: Boston. And I had a soft spot for Theo, from his season on Road Rules. As for the women, I knew I needed drama points. Coral had calmed down from her bitchy beginnings in Real World: Back to New York, but I knew she had the capability to lash out. Holly was a drama queen on many levels on Road Rules: Maximum Velocity Tour. And I had never seen Road Rules: Europe, but I heard about Belou and her insane antics (her MTV.com profile mentions her stabbing a fellow castmate in the hand with a plastic fork). Finally, I picked Flora, whom had been perhaps the Bitch of Bitches in RW history.

So how have I done? I could be better. After a nice first week, back-to-back episodes were devoid of competitions, meaning that the more athletic people could give no points. Flora never made it to my starting lineup, because she was seldom seen and heard, thus earning few points (most of them coming from a nipple flash during the Toga Party). I needed spice in the lineup. In short, I needed Jisela. And damn if she didn’t make with the points. Who cares if she stinks in competition? She curses and plays Joseph McCarthy to the Holly/Chadwick alliance, and she gets the second highest fantasy point total. The other three ladies have delivered for me: Coral with her attitude and dislike towards Stephen, Holly with her frequent kissing of husband Chadwick and constant arguments with the other Road Rulers, and Belou with her Ghetto Dutch cursing and ability to yell at a moment’s notice.

As for the guys? Things are a little dicey there. Dan might be one of the best Road Rulers, but he doesn’t do much else (and sadly, there are no points awarded for pre-competition exposition. Those who picked Josh lament that as well). Sean and Timmy have become motivators on both sides of the fence, but the points don’t add up to a big number. Theo is nowhere near as outrageous as he was back on his season, but since he was seen in a preview trailer getting intimate with another contestant, the promise of 20 points keeps him on my roster.

Why would anybody want to play this game? Well, MTV is giving away prizes each week for the highest point totals. And whoever gets the highest overall score wins a Saturn SC2 Coupe. Not bad for educated guessing and picking long shots.

Yesterday, I anticipated that Belou would be amongst those voted off tonight, and she would raise minimal ruckus. I traded her for Tara, since she might be hooking up soon. I ended up with 176 points for the week, giving me a total of 838. Down the line, I’m going to have to deal for Mike M. and maybe Emily.

Here are the Category Leaders as of right now:

Competition Score (1 point per point earned):
Theo and Holly M. (73): The duo from the Maximum Velocity Tour got an event-high 20 points twice, and finished second with 19 points.

Crying (5 points):
Kelley (15): Ten of those points came as pal Lindsay was being voted off.

Fighting/Tantrums (10) :
Belou (30): Never tell this Dutch girl how to raise her kid. Chadwick and Holly found that out fast.

Hugging & Kissing (5) :
Holly M. (70): It hasn’t been all with her husband; Chadwick has the second-best score with 45.

Hooking Up/Making Out (20) :
None. But there might be one occurrence next week with Mike M. and Tara.

Nudity (15) :
Josh (30): His bare bottom was shown twice during the toga party.

Getting Bleeped (3) :
Belou (36): Her English might not be flawless (she stated that her child was “six months years old”), but she knows all the important words.

Trash-Talking (5) :
Jisela (20): She could talk a good game, but she couldn’t back it up.

Gossiping/Bad Mouthing (5) :
Coral (25): Well, she does have a lot of material to work with.

Pep Talk (5) :
Sharon (10): The bubbly Britton was endearing, even after she was voted out.

Getting Injured (10) :
None

Refusal to Participate (15) :
Becky and Danny (15): Becky’s fear of heights kept her from parachuting into Cabo as well as bungee jumping.

Flashback (5) :
Stephen (10): Both times, his slapping of Irene during Real World: Seattle was shown.

Bodily Function (10) :
Stephen (20): Of course, with next week’s visit of Montezuma’s Revenge, Stephen’s belching at Coral will be overshadowed quickly.

Foul Play (10) :
Stephen (20): His aggressive pool tactics did allow him to win, but he hit at least two people in the process

Buzz Word (10) :
Lindsay (80): The Goddess of the Buzz Word. Almost half of her fantasy points come in this category.

Amongst all contestants on MTV.com, I am in 16,926th place. I’ll be glad when the season is over, so I can go back to what I truly love: ridiculing people who participate in rotisserie baseball. Those guys need to get a life.

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