Maraamu In The Midst: A Journal from Tammy Leitner

Jason Borelli found this lost journal by Tammy Leitner, who is now world-renowned for spending time in the wild with the Maraamu and documenting their rituals and society.

In my many years of writing in Mesa, I have covered a great deal of news. Many times, I risked life and limb for the story. But deep down, I wanted to cover more meaningful material – something devoid of the constant dramas that crime reporting delivers on me.

I got the call one Saturday morning from the Burnett Institute. It seemed that a research team had gone to the Marquesas in search of the legendary Maraamu, a species that was more human than gorilla and chimpanzees, but still not quite there.

Anthropologists have made significant finds domestically in the Nineties. In 1994, one team from the Bunim/Murray Research Facility discovered a specimen of Messengerus Scabbus in San Francisco that they dubbed “Puck.” Four years later, another team found two new species in the Seattle area: Bostonian Bigdongus (“David”) and Closetus Tempormentalus (“Stephen”). The BI had made significant finds in the past few years. Who could forget the introduction of Tagi Machiavellia? Or Pagong Adorablus? Early in 2001, the specimen Boran Tattooius was uncovered, a humanoid with poor grooming, multiple skin decorations, and a bad gut.

So I had to go. I arrived in the Marquesas, and I met Dr. Gabriel Cade, the leader of the expedition. According to Dr. Cade, hey had made contact with the Maraamu nine days earlier. The specimens were a disorganized lot, but seemed eager to engage in competitive activities. During these bouts, our group called itself “Rotu,” a name thought up on the spot by second-year graduate student Neleh Dennis (figuring that since the group had to “row to” shore, it would be appropriate). The contests were held under the watchful eye of BI supervisor Jeff Probst. As one would expect from primitive beings, the Maraamu had been trounced in every contest.

But what had been alarming was that a day after every contest, one of the Maraamu would disappear. Maraamu Holeyum (dubbed “Peter”) was the first to go, followed by Maraamu Maturnius (“Patricia”) and Maraamu Overachivus (“Hunter”). With the number of specimens down to just five, Probst arranged a meeting of the Maraamu and Rotu. It was decided that members from each group would swap, thus giving us the advantage of seeing the Maraamu more extensively. Through the blind draw, three members were to go to the main Maraamu camp: Neleh, senior leader Paschal English, and Dr. Kathy Varick-O’Brien.

In their place, three specimens of Marramu arrived at our camp:

Maraamu Godfadderus (“Rob”), a creature with a strong accent and a limited grasp of the obvious.

Maraamu Racecardius (“Sean”), a humanoid with a skewed sense of priorities.

Maraamu Accomplicis (“Vecepia”), whom we had little trouble with so far.

The first thing we noticed from the Maraamu was their inability to work for long periods. Rotu had managed to carve a niche on the lush island by working hard on their camp. The Maraamu were given tasks to perform, in order to make them feel like part of the team, and for the scientists to observe their habits. After ten minutes, Rob and Sean collapsed on the ground, commencing to sunbathe.

What was more disturbing was the communication between Rob and Sean as they observed us. While looking at John Carroll, the team’s resident nurse, Rob’s wrist immediately went limp, as to suggest homosexuality. He then mimed that Dr. Robert DeCanio had a smaller-than-average organ. Sean laughed heartily as these primitive jokes.

“We don’t mind the ribbing,” said Dr. Cade. “It gives us a grasp of what these creatures are about. Besides, between the four of us here at Rotu, we have a combined 28 degrees. Their knuckles almost drag. We’re not in a position to mind.”

Dr. Cade then suggested that I feed them, a somewhat unorthodox activity for an observer such as myself. I was honored to be asked, though, and I fed the two male Maraamu. As they ate, they looked me over, and began to talk about me and my body. I was somewhat horrified, but I reminded myself of their smaller brains, and I felt better.

That night, Dr. Cade led me to meet Paschal. But he was not alone. When I saw her, I gasped, as did Dr. Cade. What had once been observed as Maraamu had actually been long-lost anthropologist Dr. Gina Crews!

It turned out that Dr. Crews had been on the island for the past eight months, gaining the trust of the Maraamu. According to her, they were a backwards society, where the lazy were rewarded. She expressed a great loss at the departure of Hunter, of whom she had grown fond. Happily, she revealed that she had slipped a tracking device in his ear, and he would be found soon.

The Rotu trio was thrilled upon meeting Dr. Crews, even though it meant they could only monitor one Maraamu, the Maraamu Bustius dubbed “Sarah.” The primitive girl had avoided scrutiny for the most part, after her somewhat erotic hip swaying and bending over failed to arouse Paschal (Dr. Crew confirmed that those moves had worked on Rob). She had watched the trio fish for shrimp, and then ate half of the haul before falling asleep.

The next day, Sean argued with Dr. Cade. It seems that Dr. Cade had asked Sean to gather firewood, something Sean was not used to doing. He cursed out Dr. Cade, speaking in a gibberish tone that has yet to be deciphered. To Dr. Cade’s credit, he did not get angry, allowing Sean to wear himself down.

Probst organized the next contest, an intricate weaving race, set up to gauge dexterity. Thanks to Dr. Crews’ notes, the Rotu had enough data on Sean and Rob to ask them to sit out. And since John was tired, I was asked to compete. We won; while Vecepia followed Dr. Cade’s lead, Sarah stood still while Dr. Varick-O’Brien barked her orders. Upon the win, Sean and Rob broke into smiles, the thrill of victory being a foreign concept to both of them.

On the next night, Sarah left the island. According to Dr. Crews, she had already reached Los Angeles, and was making a beeline to the Playboy Mansion. Dr. Crews suggested that she return to Rotu Camp along with the others, but Dr. Cade recommended they stay at their makeshift site for at least six more days, so as not to frighten the remaining Maraamu.

I will continue to stay in camp, recording what I can on this strong, yet amusingly pathetic humanoids. While the Burnett Institute continues to probe strange lands for new species, it will be hard to make a bigger find than the Maraamu tribe. And I wouldn’t trade this for all the crime stories in Mesa.

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