American Idol 7, January 30: Little Miss Sunshine

American Idol’s logo goes all Miami Vice on us - yes, indeed, we’re in Miami. I think the editors are bored. I wonder if they knew that that would go right over the heads of most of their target demographic. Predictably, there’s a Miami Sound Machine song playing over scenes of the beach, palm tress, etc. People dance in line. Thank goodness they aren’t auditioning for So You Think You Can Dance - they’re not very good. Various people say they’re the next American Idol. You’re all wrong. Paula loves Miami, but Simon and Randy don’t actually know where they are. Simon calls Paula’s dress slutty. Awww, what a sweetheart.

Shannon McGough is 18 and works for her parents at a meat market. Yes, you read that right. Her parents have pictures of her plastered all over the place. Apparently she’s won a number of singing contests. She also belches. A lot. Classy. She’s dressed in classic ‘80s fashion. A bold choice. She says she definitely wouldn’t be upset to have to give up working with bloody meat. Heh. Against my better judgment, I think I like her.

Shannon sings “Crybaby” by Janis Joplin. Actually, it would be more appropriate to say she shouts it. She’s really, really loud. If she would pipe down a little, she would sound good, but as it is, my ears are bleeding now. Simon and Randy aren’t fans either, and Simon says it was like Hungarian. Hungarians will be the next group to revolt against Simon. Shannon says she’s been singing since she was little - again, that means nothing; I sang when I was a kid but I sucked - and tries to sing something else. Simon says she sounds like she’s eating. Shannon is shocked because she’s never been told she doesn’t sing well. Simon says most people don’t know what they’re talking about, which is why their meeting is perfect for her. Shannon pulls out the “I’m sick” card. The judges all say no, and out she goes.

Outside, Shannon’s mother is shocked that she didn’t make it through. Paula tells Simon that Shannon has never heard “no” before. Shannon thankfully tells us she’s done with American Idol.

Ryan introduces us to Robbie Carrico, a former boy-bander (apparently he was in a group called Boyz N Girlz United, so… that’s embarrassing) who’s now a rocker. Interesting. He looks kind of like Bo Bice but sounds like Chris Daughtry. I don’t recognize the song he’s singing, so I don’t have a reference point, but I still think he’s good. So do Simon and Randy. Paula says she felt Robbie, and Simon says, “Get out.” Heh. Robbie gets three yeses and a golden ticket. Outside his family sprays him with silly string and confetti. Aww! Even Ryan is surprised.

We come back from commercials to see a montage of bad male singers. Then we meet Ghaleb, 27, originally from Venezuela. He plays harmonica, guitar, and piano, and favors gypsy music. He thinks he has what it takes because he has passion. He sings a Marc Anthony song. It may be passionate, but it’s not going to fly in this competition. Sorry, Ghaleb. Simon says he’d like him if he were drunk. I doubt that. Paula says the problem is his accent. Simon wants a definitive yes or no, and Paula says to Ghaleb that now he sees what she has to put up with. She gets up and turns her back to everyone. Randy gives Ghaleb a yes to force Paula’s hand. Paula gives Ghaleb a yes. Well, he won’t last past the first Hollywood cuts. He celebrates by kissing everyone outside the room, including Ryan.

Next up are Brittany Wescott and Corliss Smith, both 20. They tell people they’re sisters and think they might have actually been separated at birth because they have so much in common. However, Brittany likes skinny men while Corliss goes for the bigger guys. Ryan wonders if they just came to the auditions to find boyfriends.

The friends go into the audition room together and tell the judges they’re in love with Ryan. Simon tries not to throw up. Corliss doesn’t want Ryan, though, because he’s too skinny - she wants Randy. Simon tells her to sing first and sing to Randy. Paula and Simon move off to the side while Corliss sings “Take Five.” She sounds really good - not as polished as a lot of the singers who come in, but there’s definitely potential and she sounds like the sort of singer this competition wants to groom.

Brittany sings “My Guy” and sounds even better. Both girls have great personalities, and Brittany’s especially comes through when she sings (though it’s to Simon). Randy likes that they’re jazzy singers at such a young age. Simon says yes to both girls. Paula can’t say no, since they said they love her, and Randy has to say yes to both because he knows Simon would hurt him if he said no to Brittany. There’s much rejoicing with the judges, and Simon looks scared. Ryan tells the girls’ families that he can hear screaming and is worried to get too close to the door. “Both doors,” Simon tells the girls on their way out of the room. They celebrate in the hallway and Ryan tells the girls to breathe.

Suzanne Toon is 21 and went to a performing-arts school. She took a break for a few years and had a baby when she was 19. Her daughter’s father split, so now she’s a single mom. Her daughter’s adorable. Suzanne hasn’t sung for three years, but she wants the opportunity that American Idol could provide her. Suzanne, meet every other single mother on this show.

Suzanne sings “I Can’t Make You Love Me.” Her voice is pretty good, and I think it will distinguish her from the other pretty blonds and/or mothers this season. Paula likes the sultriness of her voice, and Simon says she became more attractive as she sang. The judges quickly give her three yeses, though Randy wants Suzanne to watch her pitch. She cries happily and hugs her family. The judges say she’s “interesting,” but I think that’s in a good way.