The Baby Borrowers: A Preview

"It's not TV, it's birth control," reads one blurb on the NBC Web site for the new program The Baby Borrowers, and that sounds like the perfect way to describe this summer reality series. Based on a BBC show, this "social experiment" is designed to show five young couples what parenthood will be like by putting them in a home and having them take care of "borrowed" children.

If the idea of handing over real, live children to inexperienced teenagers sounds somewhat frightening, you're not alone. An advocacy group called the Natural Child Project has already caused a stink about the show, stating that it won't be healthy for the development of the children involved. They should be thankful the kids aren't being handed over to A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. That would really scar 'em for life.

In reality, the young couples won't just be taking care of children -- they'll be going through the whole life cycle. Over the course of three weeks, each pair will play caretaker to first babies, then toddlers, pre-teens, teenagers, and finally senior citizens. I'm not sure how many senior citizens are being taken care of by their parents, but whatever.

Each couple is given a home in a cul-de-sac outside Boise, Idaho (kind of a strange choice -- no offense to any Idahoans out there), take prenatal classes, and deal with "empathy" bellies given to the would-be mothers to simulate what being pregnant is like.

You know, I realize that I'm speaking as a man, and I'll never have to deal with being pregnant myself, but it really seems to me that any attempt at simulation will be futile. I've seen what women have to go through in this state, and wearing a fake stomach ain't gonna cut it. Can they simulate the sudden cravings for pickles and ice cream, too? Or the morning sickness? I think that if I were a pregnant woman, I'd be insulted that some producer thinks he or she can sum up what I'm going through with a glorified Halloween costume. If they really get it right on this show, I'll be impressed.

Anyway, the babies (and the toddlers, etc.) eventually start appearing at the door, and the fun really begins. Just wait until you get to the teenagers, folks. Is it even realistic to expect teens to know how to handle other teens, moody and hormone-driven as they are? Don't you really need the perspective that comes with added years for that? This is going to be interesting. Or a train wreck. Or both.

Let's meet our willing participants, shall we?

The first couple is Sasha and Jordan, both 18 and African-American students at Texas Southern University. That's where they met, and they've been together for a year. They want to prove that not all teenagers are irresponsible. I personally think there are better ways to do that -- get a job, volunteer with a charity, be able to stand following the campus keg party -- but I guess they see "baby" as the way to go here. They want to see if they can deal with "all the extra pressures that will be thrown at them." Or spit up on them. Or … well, let's not go there.

Next are Daton and Morgan, two blindingly blonde beach-dwellers from San Diego, California. Given the androgyny of the names, I have no idea which is Daton and which is Morgan, but apparently the former was 19 when the show was filmed and the latter 18 at that time. According to the NBC site, the two "live a life that is virtually free from responsibility" (oh, this going to go well …) and they surf and skateboard every day. Basically, they want to take on new responsibilities and test their relationship. Again, starting small might be the best way to dabble in the brave new world of "responsibility," but whatever floats your boat, dudes.

Third, we meet 18-year-olds Kelly and Austin, both of Dunwoody, Georgia. (basically, a suburb of Atlanta) and attending Auburn University in Alabama. They are called an "All-American 'preppy' couple," and I can already tell by the way Austin's hair waves up in the front that I'm not gonna like this guy. They've known each other since middle school, have been together for over a year, and hope the show will reveal to them how long they should wait to get married.

I'm sorry, but can someone explain to me why 18-year-olds are thinking marriage? I know, I know, lots of people marry young, but … You're youthful, you're attractive, you're in college, you have your whole life ahead of you. Get a career! See what's out there! Backpack around Europe! Consider that maybe being together for only a year isn't nearly enough time to start thinking about babies! Wedding rings will still be available in your mid-to-late 20s, I promise. They aren't going anywhere. Sorry, soapbox over now.

Next we have Alicea, who is 18, and Cory, 20, from Houston, Texas. Students at different colleges, they've been together for three years (finally -- a reasonable amount of time to think about starting a family), and both were raised by young single mothers. They also want to be young parents because they want to grow up with their kids. Wow. I tend to think being grown up before bringing a child into the world might be a good idea -- you know, so you can teach them what to do and what not to do and so on -- but maybe I'm just old-fashioned that way.

Finally, there's Kelsey and Sean, both 18, from New Hampshire. According to the NBC site, "Kelsey wants to have children and believes this social experiment will show Sean that having kids is not as hard as it looks."

Let's pause for a moment to say: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sorry. Back to the preview: They look very much the part of the "boy/girl-next-door" couple. There's a cute story (well, I think it's supposed to be cute) about how they were together when they were in their early teens, then stopped talking to each other, then reconnected at a high school dance. I am reminded that I played chess with the guy watching the door while at the high school dance. This is not pleasant. Let's move on.

In case you're genuinely worried about the welfare of the children, the couples and their "kids" will remain under 24-hour supervision via monitor by nannies and the real parents. The cavalry will be stationed next door, ready to step in at any time. That should be a hoot -- I wonder if the actual parents will pick up any tips from the fake ones?

The Baby Borrowers debuts Wednesday, June 25 on NBC at 9 p.m. ET. Check your local listings and all that jazz. I know I've been awfully cynical here -- and with good reason -- but it looks like this should be an interesting and socially responsible show, and hopefully will convince some trigger-happy teens out there that maybe they should consider not rushing into the "adult" part of life too fast. You've got your whole life for that, kids, enjoy your youth while you still have it. Or go on The Baby Borrowers and see for yourselves!

Chris Harris is a newspaper journalist from Somerset, Kentucky and doesn't have a wife or kids of his own, but is now taking applications. You can email him at wokosaurus@msn.com.

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