No Boundaries, Episode 7: Misty Mountain Hop

Greetings, No Boundaries fans. Since Global TV is still airing the show here in Canada – even though WB canceled it in the U.S. – I’ll be taking over from the lovely and talented Dana Walker. Dana left off with episode 4, but I’m afraid I missed episode 5, due to some pinheaded Global scheduling. But to the delight of many (particularly my esteemed colleague), Rosie was indeed eliminated. Huzzah.

Episode 6 will not be recapped because unfortunately I didn’t realize at the time that my services would be needed. Kelly was leader and the group won mountain bikes for themselves. Kelly tearfully removed Dustin, due to the fact that the next activity was water-based, a weakness for Dustin. Dustin took the news well and many hugs were exchanged. Stephanie was named new leader.

Which brings us to episode 7, if my calculations are correct. Day 17 of 30, Bulkley River, B.C. Our host Troy Hartman (immediately calls to mind the smarmy “Troy MacClure,” as voiced by Phil Hartman on The Simpsons) tells us that here the natural and manmade meet and we can ascertain that this challenge is going to involve a large bridge.

The reward for this group challenge is sleeping mats for everyone, which is cause for understandable excitement. Their poor, aching backs! Four sets of flags, two each, are placed far apart on a cliff face, which seems to be on one side of the bridge, at the foot of the base of the bridge. I think. It’s hard to tell exactly where this is taking place.

At any rate, each person (a total of four) will rappel down a rope in the middle of the flags and will then pendulum swing over to grab their set of flags. Troy explains the safety measures to Stephanie (lots of talk of ropes and carabiners), who is understandably nervous about being in charge of making sure no one becomes the first person killed on a reality show.

Stephanie chooses Kirsten, Matt, Eli, and Allen (to John’s disappointment). Kelly rappels down to the bottom first (it’s a couple of stories, I’d say) to act as a spotter. She has a walkie-talkie to communicate with Steph at the top. John is the spotter at the top and Ina is in charge of letting out the rope. They have 30 minutes.

Kirsten is down first, slowly descending to a spot where the spotters feel she’ll be able to successfully swing to both sides to grab her two flags. Once they determine a good height and Ina locks off the rope, Kirsten can’t be lowered or raised again. Kirsten gets both her flags, but not without twisting around and bashing her back into the rocks a few times. Once the pendulum action gets going, it’s a tad hard to control the rope.

Matt is next and he confesses to us that he was nervous about heights, but hides it from the group. Let me take this opportunity to say that Matt is just the cutest thing. Sweet, kind, funny, capable… officially my favorite contestant. He gets his flags without incident.

Steph tells us in a confessional that she’s frustrated that no one is showing any weakness, since it makes removals even more difficult.

Back at the challenge, John is shouting instructions at Ina, who tells him politely to tell Stephanie, so she has one person to take instructions from. This irritates John, who tells us he swears in Greek under his breath when frustrated, so no one knows what he’s saying. John, sweetie? When someone starts muttering in a foreign language, I think everyone knows they’re swearing. I think Ina has a valid point, aside from the challenge, she’s in charge of making sure the person at the end of her rope doesn’t go splat, so she wants to make sure the instructions are clear (and correct).

Eli has no problems with the next flags and although Allen’s are the farthest apart, he gets them. Success, the group now has sleeping mats. And there was much rejoicing.

Next the gang drives 130 miles north to Stewart and Treble Mountain, now getting into glacier area. John tells us that he’s closest to Eli and we see them joking in the car. Eli tells us he likes John, but John doesn’t have the outdoor know-how of some of the other players. Stephanie and Kirsten tell us they are buds, despite the age difference. Clearly at least one of these relationships is doomed.

The group re-packs for a helicopter trip up to the mountain, bringing along more cold weather gear, etc. At the top of the mountain (or wherever they have been let off, pretty darn high), much woo-hooing and bonding and celebration ensues. It’s great that this group really does seem to get along and stops to appreciate the amazing scenery (glacier country is beautiful) along the way.

Ina and Steph discuss a female alliance, but Ina has reservations because of her alliance with Matt, Eli and Allen. Steph is in a tough spot with the upcoming removal, since everyone is strong.

Later that night, Matt, Kirsten, and Steph have another cuddle sandwich and Kirsten comments that being in the middle is great because she gets “the best of both worlds.” The producers cross their fingers and hope for some hot girl-on-girl action. (The WB certainly would have been into it.)

Day 18 dawns wet and misty. Like, really misty. Visibility on the mountain is shot and Troy is trying to get to the group via helicopter to tell them the events of the day are cancelled and they just want to get them off the mountain before a possible lawsuit can happen. Well, he didn’t say that last part, but he was thinking it.

Meanwhile our heroes are hiking over a steep and rocky ridge to get water from a stream. It’s very wet, slippery and foggy and John freaks out a bit. Stephanie decides to remove John and tells Matt and Kirsten.

The helicopter lands briefly to deposit Troy, but must leave immediately because of the bad weather. The group and Troy have to now walk down the mountain before worse weather comes. Steph tells us that it was “frightening but cool at the same time,” and that you need edge with your adventure.

They walk halfway down to a creepy old abandoned mine, where Stephanie goes back on her word and removes Kirsten, saying she has no reason and no explanation. Kirsten is understandably shocked and feels “kinda betrayed” but takes it well. Steph tells us that John was fine on the walk to the mine and that the group had made it known that Kirsten was a little less integral.

She then goes on to say that she and Ina and Kelly are still going to have a female alliance. Huh? Then why vote off Kirsten? The women are now the minority and will be lucky to get another female leader again. This makes zero sense.

Later at Bear Lake, the group sets up camp and John, whom is established as the class clown in the group, shaves his head to avoid nappy hair.

Day 19. Troy sniffs a basket of cinnamon buns and tells us that there’s one more challenge for Steph as a leader, but she doesn’t know what it is or where it starts. Judging by the mischievous gleam in Troy’s eye, I’d say it’s pretty damn soon. Indeed, Steph says she knew right away ol’ poker face was up to something.

Troy asks how long it will be before they’re ready and Steph says five minutes, maybe ten. Unfortunately, ten minutes is now how long they have to strike camp and be completely ready to go. An individual reward event, they’ll get two Maglites and the cinnamon buns. There’s no way in hell they’ll pack up everything in ten minutes and, sure enough, they fail. We do learn though, to refresh our memories, that both Matt and Allen have stoves and water filters, so it’s a good guess one will make it to the end.

30 miles north at Salmon Glacier, Alaska, and it’s time for a new leader. The three women still claim to be strategizing, but Kelly comments that the men now outnumber them. Ya think? Talk to Stephanie about that one. Ina tells the men not to vote for her because she can’t remove one of the girls. But she could remove John, right? There’s a joke in there, but I’m not going to take it since John seems like a really nice guy.

And the new leader is… Matt. Matt is going to have a hell of a time picking the removal next time, that’s for sure. Speaking of next time: Tensions run high as the temperature drops and hypothermia starts to set in. Kelly nears the breaking point and someone (Eli?) screams at people during a challenge, which does not go over well with Ina.

Stacey Allison is an advertising copywriter in Toronto.

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