Prince Charmings in Alaska

I shouldn’t be writing this article. I have other things I should be doing, but I want to write this. I have been pondering all week about Bachelorettes in Alaska. See, something so wonderful, so mind boggling took place on that show, it just turned me to jello and gave me lots to think about.

I confess, I have always wanted to see Alaska. Part of the reason is I just fell in love with the Jack London stories my father read to me as a child. It also helps that I hate heat. And the NYC/NJ heat just is horrible, humid, and icky. I like being cold, I like sweaters. I like being bundled up, and hell, I look good, no GREAT in a sweater. I love snow. I love winter. So I want to see Alaska.

And all the scenery on this show is better than chocolate (no, I’m not talking about the male scenery – the real scenery; I’ll get to the men in a minute). So I have decided that next year I will go to Alaska. To see the scenery, and to meet a fellow reality writer, Jill, who lives there. She has told me countless times if I was to go to Alaska, within an hour I would be meeting men. I would be beating them off with a stick. Since that doesn’t happen in NYC (well, except when the muggers are near), I had been thinking about it, but not seriously.

Then these four gentlemen came on the show the other night. And I don’t know what it is in the Alaska water, or the melting glaciers, but these men were gentlemen, Knights in Shining Armor, the whole nine yards.

These men actually made me realize that there are still wonderful single men out there who are normal and straight! These men gave me hope for all mankind, since the only nice men I know in reality are the ones who write for reality sites, and of course, got snapped up by someone else. And I know I am not alone, because I get weekly e-mails from women, my age or about, who are also in the same boat I am in… just not able to find a nice, single straight man. Let’s face it, the nice ones have been taken!

So Sunday night’s show had drama. It had a fight. It had things to do and not to do. By know you all know what happened. The four new men arrived, and they are: Terry, 33, fishing boat captain. Doug, 25, Alaskan State Trooper, who has a resemblance to Robert Downey Jr. Check out his profile and compare. Tim, 30, Gold miner and Senate Staffer. And last but not least, Bob, 44, building materials salesman and divorced twice. Big Bear of a guy, but a lovable Teddy Bear.

Now, these men are interesting. What neat jobs! Anyone who has been reading my articles for the last year on RNO knows that I have a soft spot in my heart for police officers and firemen. And this was before 9/11. The one love of my life, the man I wish I had married, is a police officer. And men look fabulous in auniform.

The men go on dates. And while Tim, the goldminer/senate staffer, thinks he is a modern day Shakespeare, Doug is the one who followed the Bard’s advice the best. To thine own self be true. He realizes the girl he is with on a date isn’t right for him. He wants a girl to love the land as much as he does. And she fussed about her nails. Never, ever, fuss about your nails in front of a guy, unless it is your wedding day (or better yet, the day after). Men don’t want to hear, “Oh I cannot do that because I might break a nail.” The only thing worse than that for them to hear has to do about your monthly visitor… which surprise, surprise, no one has mentioned. Thank heaven. Oh this guy is sweet, taking off her mucklucks. There is nothing wrong with that, but she can’t do it because she doesn’t want to mess up her nails? Stupid move. Get down and mess ‘em up. They will grow back.

Now this guy really broke my heart. He has a bad date… or at least not a great one. He goes back and at dinner notices the gals are already coupled off and he feels like a “third wheel.” Poor guy. Why didn’t one of the girls try to draw the new guys into the conversation?

Then you have Bob, the divorced guy. Karen, the blonde described him perfectly. He does have kind eyes. You can tell this guy is way attracted to Sissie, the other blonde. Bob and Sissie have a hiking date and they made such a cute couple. But Sissie is really smitten with Brent. And Brent… well there is one word to describe Brent: Adonis. Man, this man is model material. All the men so far on the show have been handsome. Who would have thought Alaska had such hunks and beefcake in it? All I know is by the time this show finishes, there will be tons of women coming up to check out the men, and bringing in lots of tourist dollars.

Bob is understandably upset when he finds out Sissie and Brent are an item. An item? I bet you my cat’s inheritance that these two will live happily ever after. But Bob takes it in stride and makes a play for Karen, the other blonde. She doesn’t choose him and he is left alone. I am sure this guy will find someone nice. He is just too nice not to find someone.

Terry is another cutie. He wins the little mini-contest they have for the new men to date the women, and picks Cecile. He just seems like a charming man, even when doing a moose call. Another man who really seems to love Alaska, and love life, and just radiates charm and charisma. And he is chivalrous. This man does something that had me in tears. But not of sadness, but a kind of melencholy joy. He too has been feeling kind of like a third wheel and at the end of the show, he picks to plead for Sissie, perhaps knowing she had one of the smaller dowries. He pleads like a Knight of Ye Olde Round Table, to go off in the sunset with her prince and not him. He does it in a manner with fake teeth and a voice like Ernest. (Remember Ernest, the guy who said “Hey Vern! Look what I got!”) My mother would have called him a mench. I call him a Prince.

The new Tim, well, he seems nice but in all honesty, the poor poet/Chatterton wannabe just rubbed me the wrong way. The outfit made him look exactly like Chatterton in the famous painting. And for those who did not major in English – Chatterton was a romantic poet who poisoned himself at 17. He was a fair poet, but what made him larger than life was that Goethe made him the protagonist in his “Sorrows of Young Werther” and led to a huge suicide jump in England and France.

And the one thing that really moves me – Doug, the cop, says he wasn’t going to plead for anyone. That took courage. I don’t think I could have done that if I was in his shoes. Another mench. Or in Susan’s lingo, Prince.

So there are the four men who came to my television on Sunday night. All were Princes. I am sorry they didn’t stay for another week (well one of them is). I am glad to have made their acquaintance, and I am heartened to know that yes, there are good men out there. It’s just a shame they don’t live near me. But they are out there. That is enough.

Susan can be reached at sschechter@earthlink.net.

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