You Idiots! -- The Story of Big Brother 3 Thus Far

I've had all I can stands, and I can stands no more. Just two weeks into Big Brother 3 and I'm already pulling my hair out. Not so much at the personalities of those still in the house, but rather how stupid and naive they all are. Let's face it, we knew before the show that there would be an airhead (Tonya), a gay guy (Marcellas, who doubles as the token black guy), an older white male (Gerry), the quiet-religious guy (Jason), and the jive talking aggressive black woman (Danielle).

By the way, with Amy, we have a brand new stereotype: The southern cheese-slut.

With this bag of clichéd reality TV stereotypes, we have all the ingredients for a good season of Big Brother. Except this season Arnold Shapiro, the real head of the house, decided to make the show REALLY good by only casting dumb people. It's true, they're all dumb as a box of rocks. And if you say that one of them is really intelligent, you're just kidding yourself. These guys are the cream of the crap.

I doubt any of the people now on the show watched Big Brother 2, or at least paid attention to details while viewing it (other than perhaps knowing that Bunky cried a lot). This is especially the case for members of the "alliance." Had they done their homework, they would have realized that Big Brother is an alliance-proof show. This is not Survivor, where straight in numbers is all you need. In Big Brother, one person dictates who goes. Yet Josh, Lisa, and the rest ignore that little fact and calmly say, "One of us is BOUND to win the next HoH."

Good call, and even better math. Eleven people left after the first week. Alliance contains six members (that’s if you consider Tonya to actually be part of it now). Non-alliance house guests stand at five (or thereabouts). One alliance member (Lisa) can't compete. Grand total of Alliance members in next HOH contest: five. Number of non-alliance members in next HoH contest: five. Thus, there was only a 50/50 chance that the alliance would control the next HoH - not exactly a sure thing. But any idiot could figure that out. Well, any idiot whose name isn't Roddy, Lisa, Tonya, Eric, Chiara, or Josh.

Of course, the Alliance still thinks they are invincible. Even after Marcellas, in the most ultimate bit of bitter irony I've ever seen, won the HoH, the alliance is convinced that their keen manipulative powers will ease them through it all. Yes, their alliance will stand tall, just like all those alliances that worked on Survivor. Except for, of course, that Big Brother is in fact alliance-proof. Don't take my word for it though, just ask any member of Chill Town how well those alliances work (yes, Will did win, but he did so on his own; the alliance was toast long before the end). Or ask Hardy and Nicole. Or Monica, Krista, and Hardy. By time you're reading this, Josh and Tonya will be up for nomination. Time's up for the this particular alliance.

So where do the former members of the alliance go from here? In Josh's case, I would suggest out the front door. For all the others, they will form sub-alliances, break alliances, be part of the rebel alliance... whatever it takes to stay in for one more week. It won't work of course, but they're too dumb to realize that. In fact, their vast level of stupidity was revealed in the first week, when they flat out announced their alliance. The key to a good alliance is to not announce you have one. But the members of Big Brother 3 didn't just announce their alliance. In many cases, they were almost flaunting it. Hell, they nearly formed a congo-line. "We got an alli-ance *kick*! We got an alli-ance *kick*!"

Gerry got out of the alliance, and he had his heart in the right place when he freed Marcellas from nomination, but he came off sounding like such a tool during his speech that followed. That was almost as funny as Lisa's reaction to it. Her face had the best mixture of fake happiness mixed with seething rage I've ever seen. In fact, I've come up with a name for that face. It's the Lisa "Kill Gerry" face. And I've already trademarked the name for it, so keep your grubby hands off of it!

God bless Lisa's clueless brain. She overhears Josh plotting against her, just hours after the formation of the alliance, and she STILL sticks with him. What an airhead. "I'll deal with him later." Sure, that's what they said about Nicole and Will in Big Brother 2, and they outlasted everyone. In the world of reality TV, you deal with your enemies, or your enemies will deal with you. Of course, being blinded by the protection of a pathetic alliance, Lisa thinks she is on a one-way path to the finals.

And then there is Josh. Obviously, he watched Big Brother 2 and was a big fan of Will. So much so, that he's decided that the only way to win Big Brother is to lie, lie, and then lie a little more. The only problem is Will lied without needing to be totally obnoxious all the time. OK, he was unlikable for the first part of the season. But I think it was more of a guilt by association type thing. Being friends with Mike Boogie is never a good thing. Once Shannon and Mikey were out of the house, Will was fun to watch, and I watched with glee as his popularity rating soared.

That will not happen with Josh. In fact, Josh won't get a chance to grow popular. See, Will might have lied, but he also had an interesting way of making people think he would be loyal to them: he didn’t approach anyone. Will let people who were desperate for allies come to him. Josh was POA: Paranoid on Arrival. He's told everyone that he's loyal to them. And while the Big Brother 3 cast is filled with idiots, I've held out hope that everyone can at least sit back and say, "Damn, he can't be loyal to everyone." We can only hope.

So, Josh is getting voted out. The alliance will have the best odds to get power back next week. If they lose the HoH, then it's over. They'll be broken up before the nominations are announced. If someone in the alliance wins HoH, they still won't last the entire week. Paranoia hasn't set in yet. Now that's the moment I'm waiting for. You know what they say about locking a bunch of rats in a small cage. They become... NO, NOT THAT! Sickos. They become cannibalistic. It should be fun.

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