Big Brother 3, July 20: The Bizarre World of Josh

After Lori walked out the door on Thursday, it suddenly hit several of the players: The game has started. Funny, I thought the game had started when six of ‘em got together to decide who to vote out (not that it worked, mind you).

But it’s worse than just noticing the start of the game - they are (almost) all confused about just who voted to evict Amy. They know Danielle, Gerry, and Jason did, but who was the fourth vote? The entire Group of Six (sans Lisa, who was HoH and had no vote) had apparently decided to vote against Lori, and Marcellas said he voted that way as well. So the final vote count should not have been that close. Over and over we see people repeating the three they know about and wondering who the fourth is. But Josh is keeping his mouth closed for a change. Privately, he says he had to vote against Amy because he swore to Lori that he wouldn’t vote her out; he never said he wouldn’t vote against Amy.

After that discussion, there is a lot of discussion about how Marcellas went from almost being voted out to being the top of the heap as HoH. Amy says she’s proud of him and feels safe. But then she and Danielle start to talk to him about nominations. He tells them to spread it around that he doesn’t want anybody to ask him about nominations; he doesn’t want anybody else working their agendas. The only agenda that will be worked is his own. He even goes so far as to privately say that if somebody does come up and try to push him, he may give them a warning, or he may just put their head on the chopping block. Of course, after he says this we see numerous players coming to him and trying to push their own agenda, including Danielle herself! But we’ll get to that in a minute.

Eric is annoyed that he can’t “read” Marcellas, and wants him out. Danielle says that “Josh is about to pee in his pants” with fear that he will be nominated. Indeed, Josh notes that when Marcellas won HoH, his first thought was to pack his bags. Marcellas rather agrees, saying Josh is not a nice person. But he further notes that everybody has lied at one point or another, so he has no allegiance to anybody. Playing off of this idea, Danielle tells Marcellas that they can’t trust Gerry, he plays, he lies, etc. Remember how Marcellas told her not to try to play her agenda? Yeah, that lasted long. Anyway, Marcellas tells Danielle that he is not fooled by Gerry.

Gerry, however, apparently is fooled. He says he feels very comfortable and believes he has made a friend for life. They’ll watch each other’s backs the entire time. What happened to his “no permanent friends, no permanent enemies” plan?

Josh thinks that Gerry broke up the entire alliance and all bets are off now. This contradicts what was said in the previous episode about Tonya simply taking Gerry’s place in it. I wish they’d make up their minds. Anyway, Eric says Gerry is trying to do whatever he can to be cool, including standing up for gays, blacks, Jews, etc. But he says Gerry is going about it in the wrong way, trying extra-hard to get on everybody’s good side. But Amy notes that if Gerry were to be nominated, he would be gone; he has no support and he’s even getting on her nerves. Lisa chalks it up in part to the generation gap and says everybody is ignoring him, making him feel like he doesn’t even exist, because he is not to be trusted. Eric chimes back in to say there is no way a guy like that could win this game. Yeah, that’s what people said about Will…

After a comment from somebody about Gerry being on life support, we segue into a shot of him going to sleep and putting on a mask of some sort. (Get it? Life support? Aren’t the producers funny!) We then hear from him that he has been diagnosed with sleep apnea and wears the machine to push compressed air into his nose so he doesn’t stop breathing at night. It also reduces his snoring somewhat, though not completely. As it turns out, several RNO writers have tried this machine (which is called a CPAP machine - Continuous Positive Airway Pressure), but none have had luck with it. One writer instead had a uvulectomy. The uvula is that little flap of skin at the back of your throat that hangs down, and in some cases droops and blocks the airway. He had this little flap of skin, lasered out of his mouth. He would highly recommend it. Perhaps it’s something Gerry should look into when he gets out of the house.

Anyway, we now move on to something far more interesting - a bikini contest! Viewers were shocked and surprised to find out that it was all Tonya’s idea, but then Amy decides to make it into a pageant where she is the director and emcee (which means she doesn’t have to strut around). The rules are that they are not allowed to use any material.

The women start to make, as Lisa says, “cute little outfits” - until they all break. So they go with peanut butter and flower bikinis instead. Yow! Lisa says they had a lot of fun spreading peanut butter on themselves. Yow again!

Out come the ladies and, well, “Oh my” is about all I can say. Jason, of course, says he would like to have seen them wearing a little more. Hello?! It’s one thing to be a virgin, Jason, but another to tell a woman to cover up more. Sheesh. Anyway, the women have to rush inside when the peanut butter begins to melt and drip off, thus revealing even more than they had originally planned. Alas, there goes the idea for a new fashion for our beaches.

On the guys’ side, Marcellas says he wasn’t all that interested in the whole thing until cute little Jason asked him to help make his suit, which, as Lisa described it, made him look like he was wrapped up in straw. Gerry came out in a suit of paper towels that made him look a bit like a Sumo wrestler (which was apparently his goal). Eric looked like a “tossed salad.” Roddy was wearing a bathrobe - until he took it off and showed that he had Marcellas’ photo hanging over his crotch.

Amy decides that Roddy and Chiara win the competition, which gives us another good segue into the next segment. Basically, it can be summed up as Roddy and Chiara getting to know one another better. They are hanging out together and more (okay, not that much more). They have bonded and will take care of one another.

Moving on from that we find ourselves at the food challenge. The team leaders, selected by random ping pong ball drawing, are Danielle and Roddy. They then choose their teams, consisting of Gerry, Eric, Chiara, and Tonya with Danielle and Amy, Josh, Jason, and Lisa with Roddy. Marcellas, as HoH, doesn’t have to play and won’t have to suffer any consequences from it, either. Ah, consequences - the winning team gets to eat as usual, but the losing team is subject to a week of peanut butter and jelly only. Hey, at least they can make swimwear.

The contest is to see who can eat as much of a brownie house as possible in 15 minutes. Actually, it’s who can gain as much weight as possible - since there are drinks available also. The team that, as a whole, gains the most weight, wins. Oh, and their hands are tied behind their backs.

Roddy recommends to his team that they drink as much as possible because it is heavier and easier to down. Meanwhile, people are slamming their heads into the house to break away chunks, and after only half of the allotted time some are already beginning to turn a bit green. Then Gerry notices Josh using his hands to put food into his pockets. Hmmm. As we approach the 15-minute mark, Tonya and Danielle are obviously done, so others move in to drink their milk and water. Overall, Danielle’s team gains 13.8 pounds and Roddy’s gains a whopping 18.4 pounds, with Jason being the MVP. Ah, but then Big Brother weighs in (so to speak) and disqualifies Josh for cheating.

Let’s digress for a minute here. How incredibly stupid does a person have to be to try to cheat in a situation where every move you make is captured by at least one camera - and probably more?! But, yes, that’s exactly what Josh did. So his weight gain is removed, but Roddy’s team still has enough to win. Frankly, not only should Josh’s weight have been removed, but he should have been penalized and made to eat PB&J like the losing team. Or worse. He should not have been allowed to cheat and end up with no real penalty.

Speaking of Josh, though, after we see Marcellas say that Josh is dishonorable and he hates Josh, Josh comes a-knockin’ on the HoH room door while Marcellas and Amy are in there. As Amy says, he basically came to beg for his life. Josh says he realizes he should be nominated, and he’s not going to try to tell Marcellas who Gerry is, but then he proceeds to tell Marcellas who (he thinks) Gerry is. He calls Gerry an anti-Semitic prejudiced racist bastard. Nice. He recommends that Marcellas should put Gerry up against himself to see what happens. Josh goes on to promise Marcellas that, if not nominated, he will never nominate Marcellas and never vote against him. Marcellas probably figures it’s an empty promise since Josh has been so dishonorable. Alas, Josh can’t prove his honor by pointing to the same promise he gave to Lori because he has had to keep that particular vote a secret. After Josh leaves, Marcellas says he’s happy for the visit and it may be smart to keep him because everybody hates him. Yeah, that’s what people kept saying about Will last year…

Marcellas and Amy go back to their discussion in the HoH room and we find out that the two of them have really clicked. They are, as Lisa says, both princesses and can share beauty secrets. Amy says they are both gossip queens, and they just laugh and laugh and laugh. They even compare notes on which houseguests are more attractive; neither is impressed by Eric, but both say Roddy is hot. Sorry, girls, he’s taken by Chiara.

Moving on to another Josh confrontation, he goes for Danielle this time, saying he knows she is allied with Gerry. Danielle plays it cool and tells him he doesn’t know anything (and she’s right). She basically tells him to shut up, she isn’t going to have that discussion with him. But, of course, later they have that discussion. Danielle plays the confronter this time and asks about Josh’s alliance. He tries to play Mr. Innocent. Golly, he wasn’t HoH; he didn’t win veto power. Golly, he has no power. Golly, shucks, ma’am, I’m just an innocent li’l nobody. Please. He flat-out lies and says he didn’t put up Marcellas’ name as the first nominee, claiming somebody else in the Group of Six suggested it. He thinks he’s done a great job of planting the seeds of doubt in her head. Privately, she says, “I’m not stupid.” No, but you were with him.

Danielle proceeds to tell Marcellas (once again going against what he said about trying to push agendas) that if the others think Gerry is one their side, they have a problem and should sacrifice Gerry now. Marcellas privately notes that he doesn’t really trust Danielle - she really wants to win and sees the prize money as a life-changer (who wouldn’t?). He tells her, very rationally, that if one of the non-alliance people go, the alliance has the power. Their clique must go this week. Marcellas is doing something that very few other people in the house are doing: Thinking! Three cheers for Marcellas!

So it’s nomination time. Marcellas explains that he sees Big Brother as a game of integrity, kindness, honor, etc. Then he - to nobody’s surprise - nominates Josh. Tonya is also nominated but, as Marcellas says, she is but a pawn to go up against Josh. Josh yells out, “Suprise, suprise, suprise!” when he is nominated (and, no, I didn’t misspell that - he yelled it in that way). Marcellas says it’s no secret he and Josh have had problems since day one. He says it has nothing to do with the original six or alliances or friends, but rather he looked at his behavior, which Marcellas says is disruptive to the house. He says actions speak louder than words and the manner in which Josh chose to play the game is destructive. He goes on to say that it’s not personal but then corrects himself (just as Josh is about to correct him) and says that, well, yes it is. He says Josh undercut him and several other people. He then apologizes to both for nominating them. Huh?

Danielle privately says that Josh played the game too early and that it’s his own fault. Tonya says she’s a little nervous even though she’s been reassured by everybody, things could change. Indeed, Lori was assured of the same thing. Gerry says he doesn’t know how safe Tonya really is and Roddy says he’d love to find a way to save Josh. So I have to ask:

It’s not bad enough that they didn’t learn from Mike Boogie putting up Sheryl against Nicole last year. Fine, that’s history. But now Marcellas hasn’t even learned from just the previous week! And he was the one who was supposed to go! He’s doing to Tonya what Lisa did to Lori. Marcellas wants Josh to leave. Fine, I completely understand that. But he knows veto power is still out there. He knows people can turn on the “pawn.” He should have chosen to put up two of the more powerful people in the alliance - Josh vs. Lisa or, if he didn’t want to seem vindictive, Josh vs. Eric or Roddy. Tonya’s a recent addition to the alliance and is certainly no play-maker. Marcellas moved from some very smart thinking to making the same damned mistake that was just made the previous week. Sheesh.

Anyway, we won’t end this article on my rant - we’ll end it with Josh’s. He says Marcellas and Gerry do not live in reality (that would be the “reality” where the universe revolves around Josh, perhaps?). Neither will be anywhere near a finalist. They are “two spineless bitches.” Wow. Well, it’s good to see that Josh took it like a man.

Incidentally, I have also heard that Josh is ranting and raving on the live feeds about how everything related to his nomination and possible eviction is because of anti-Semitism. Oh, get over yourself! You blew a gasket when it was hinted at that you were homophobic or racist because you picked on Marcellas, yet you now turn around and accuse others of the same type of prejudice? Let me say something, Josh: Every Jewish person who writes for RNO (as well as every non-Jew who has expressed a preference to me) wants you gone. You are a disgrace to humanity. You are a liar, a cheater, an arrogant bastard, and barring a quick turnaround, you are headed straight for the Reality TV Hall of Shame.

Hmmm. I guess I did end this article on a rant of my own after all.

David Bloomberg is the Editor of RealityNewsOnline, and can be reached at rno@pobox.com.

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