CBS Shows Results of Human Cloning on Big Brother 3

While scientists, ethicists, and politicians argue about human cloning, CBS has done something about it! Through a complex scientific procedure, RealityNewsOnline can now confirm that the Big Brother 3 cast is largely made up of people who are clones of the Big Brother 2 cast.

Everybody should by now know that even with perfect cloning, the resulting organism will not be exactly the same in personality and character. Thus we have some imperfect clones in the BB3 house. We also have some genetic combinations, as the scientists involved in this process apparently tinkered with DNA along the way. However, we can now reveal what viewers have suspected - the Big Brother 3 clones.

We begin with a clone that went a bit awry. Geneticists apparently obtained some of the back hair from BB2’s Bunky and used it to create Marcellas, the new token homosexual male for BB3. Through the miracle of genetic engineering, they also managed to darken his skin so he could also be the token black man - thus satisfying two minority requirements in one fell swoop! Among other features, Marcellas has inherited Bunky’s tearducts.

Speaking of minorities, Danielle is obviously a clone of Monica. While personality is often disrupted by such cloning techniques (as mentioned above), in this case they ended up similar, though Monica seems a bit pushier, though still likely to explode when enough emotion builds up.

CBS geneticists faced a tougher challenge with Sheryl. Rather than simply create one of her, they split the genes to come up with both Lori and Tonya. Lori ended up with a similar personality, even to the point that she was put up as the “good one” against the first target for eviction and ended up being the one booted herself! Tonya got the looks (some of which were surgically enhanced) and is, as one writer has described her, a “faux Sheryl.” It’s not unlike the Danny Devito/Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, Twins.

Another former houseguest who apparently was genetically split in two is Hardy. His body went to Eric, but more of his personality went to Roddy. In Eric’s case, the gene structure was apparently also recombined with a bit of Will’s genes. This also explains the Eric/Lisa hook-up, as Lisa is a Shannon clone.

Some of Will’s DNA was also mixed with that of Mike Boogie to come up with the creature known as Josh. Josh has the attitude of Mike Boogie that the universe revolves around him, and the inclination to lie like Will. Unfortunately, he did not inherit Will’s ability to lie convincingly, nor his knowledge of when it is wise to do so.

Gerry is a hair-challenged and perhaps more liberal version of Kent, from his snoring to his willingness to face off against the reigning alliance and the reaction some others have to him when he calls it like he sees it.

The rest of the clones are not quite as obvious. Amy, for example, appears to be a genetically modified version of Krista. The personality was dramatically altered, but the drinking and Southern Belle behavior were retained. However, the fact that she turned down beer for her possibly veto-containing box shows that at least some of the former was bred out of her.

Chiara looks like she may have some Nicole genes in her. Recently she was seen on the live feeds getting angry at Roddy for spending too much time with Amy. It would be interesting to see her blow up the way Nicole exploded in BB2, though the cloning was obviously not a complete success. Recent news also indicates there may be some Shannon genes mixed in, as Chiara was busted for drunk driving just before moving into the Big Brother house.

Finally, we come to Jason. Jason cannot be explained by cloning of a BB2 participant at this point in time. It is possible that he was accidentally mixed in from a batch of Survivor genes, including somebody like Dirk from the first series, but without the “white boy rapping” characteristic that would have made him seem too much like Mike Boogie.

So, were all these cloning experiments successful? It’s too early to tell in most cases. Some of the results should be thrown out of the house as soon as humanly possible, because the clones ended up with the worst of all possible worlds. Others may eventually grow into their own personality. We’ll just have to keep watching to find out.

David Bloomberg is the Editor of RealityNewsOnline, and can be reached at rno@pobox.com.

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