Handicapping Week 9 of ‘American Idol’

The past two weeks they’ve done songs from the 60s and songs from the 70s. This week, obviously, they are doing... BIG BAND?

Oh, this is just cruel. Guaranteed, the “kids” are singing songs they’ve never heard before. And that little beast claimed more than one victim this week. So, using my keen powers of observation and ability to judge talent (right – I still listen to a-ha!), this is how I say the votes will shake out:

1. Tamyra Gray - Most of the media outlets have proclaimed this a three-kid race. No surprise that I say they will finish 1-2-3. Tamyra tackled “Minnie the Moocher” like she’s sung it a thousand times and injected her own personality to keep herself amused! “Minnie,” with all it’s hidey-hidey-ho’s, can make a piker look like an absolute fool. Tamyra showed that she is not only a talented singer, she is charismatic too!

2. Kelly Clarkson - No matter what happens to Kelly with American Idol, you will be hearing from her again. That said, her rendition of “Stuff Like That There” was brilliantly performed, but somewhat workman-like. She didn’t believe it and it showed a little. That just shows that an uninspired Kelly is still better than most.

3. Justin Guarini - A natural-born showman, Justin had the scare of his life last week when he found himself standing next to the likes of Ryan Starr. He seemed like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go Sammy or Frank with his “Route 66,” but he was good enough to stay out of the lower three.

4. Christina Christian - Dana has ‘her Justin,’ I have ‘my Christina.’ “Glory of Love” was understated enough to flatter her. She is really at the point where she has to choose her songs very very carefully. Her voice just doesn’t have the TNT of Kelly and Tamyra, and it makes her look weak. She will have to rely on charm. It just might work.

5. Nikki McKibbin - I’m still confounded that she’s still here. “Ben?“ “Heartbreaker?” And I will continue to be confounded because I believe she will scrape by this week. “Hard-Hearted Susannah” was as close to a rocker as she could find, and it wasn’t that close. The performance was reasonable, if not terribly engrossing. She seemed afraid of the song, like she was balancing an egg on her head. She was out of her element and she felt every inch of it. That last note was a clanker and she knows it. To her credit, she held her tongue at the criticism. Smart. I say it buys her another week, because...

6. RJ Helton - “I Won’t (remember the words) Dance” was RJ’s offing, I mean, offering this week. He was cleaner than the head of a pin in all that white, and if someone can tell me how to get my teeth as white as his, I’m listening. You gotta have a good dentist to wear that suit. That’s the best I can say about RJ. He looked good. The song? Oy. He started with a funeral dirge delivery, then THE PERFORMER tried to break out, and just when we thought we could forget about the slow start, he forgot the dang words! It was just a couple of lines, but it was enough to be obvious. And America will notice. You gave us a reason not to vote for you, and when the competition is this tough... that’s deadly!

Tonight, somebody is going home. RJ, its been a sweet ride. I think you know you’re leaving. I think you are packing as you read this. Practice your gracious smile. Do NOT go out like Starr, snot rolling and everything. Stick with it, learn your range, stay in it. Good luck, but goodbye!

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