You Idiots, the Revival! - The Story of Big Brother 3 Thus Far

With the exception of the Reality TV Hall of Shame article that I'm currently writing (those who hated the ending of Survivor 4 will love this one), this could be my last article for a while for RNO. I recently broke my right elbow and I expected to be in a cast. However, apparently placing the elbow in a cast or even a sling could result in long-term damage and loss of mobility. So instead, I get no sling, lots of pain, and a date with a doctor on Tuesday when he will decide if surgery is needed. If you like my work, cross your fingers that the answer is no. If you hate my work and think that I'm an untalented boob, then get those OFFICIAL RealityNewsOnline Charlie Reneke Voodoo Dolls (c) ready and aim for the right elbow. Remember, the official ones, and not one of those cheap knock-offs.

David, put that damn doll down! I was just kidding. Seriously, why did you market those things? [Editor's Note: Alas, we're out of them. The Charlie ones sold like hotcakes, though. People can still buy all sorts of official RealityNewsOnline other stuff by clicking here though.]

In my last Big Brother article, I compared the houseguests to rats in a cage. Well, the biggest rat of them all... no, not Gerry... Chi-whore-a, has won the HoH. In a moment of strategic brilliance that would make General Custer green with envy, she nominated the only real ally she has in the house for eviction! And depending on how you interpret the live feeds, it appears Roddy gave her permission to do so. What idiots. The decoy thing has failed so many times before in this game that I can't believe anyone would still try it.

Hey, I'm no Josh fan, but for someone who talks about how spiteful and mean he's been, Chia Pet hasn't been Rainbow Brite herself. She was extremely jealous and bitter over Amy, of all people. For the love of God, she's so hypocritical that it's befitting that she's in this game. Place your bets: Chia will have the fastest In-The-Game to Hall-Of-Shame-Member time ever.

It gets better. Chia is now telling everyone, or dare I say, threatening (chuckle) everyone that if Roddy goes, she's going to walk out of the house with him. Damn, two for the price of one? Where do we sign up? What she doesn't realize is that from the moment Roddy was on the chopping block, everyone else started DROOLING at the chance to knock off unquestionably the strongest player in the game. Gerry will keep his word, because that's the type of guy that he is, but everyone else votes Roddy. She's going to throw the biggest hissy fit ever. Who gives a crap about someone returning to the house? I say skip the HoH contest on Thursday, get Roddy out of the house during the first 15 minutes and dedicate the rest of the show to Chia asking herself, "What have I done?" This is why I watch reality shows.

I wish I could say Chia is playing the worst game in the house, but she's actually not. It's Danielle. If there's one person in Reality TV who you could compare Dani to, it's Vecepia from Survivor 4, and that's not a good thing. Sure, Vecepia won, but only because a few players were bitter that someone from a rival tribe outlasted them. The comparison comes from strategy. Both women were/are making deals with everyone that contradict each other. The expression "talking out of both ends" comes to mind. Everyone in the house, with the possible exception of Jason, has crossed someone at some point. Dani has done more double-crossing and back-paddling then anyone, including Josh, Chia, and Lisa. She wants to have an all-woman alliance, but she wants Jason to make it to the end. On the other hand, she wants Lisa and Chia to hate each other. Trust me, this will get her in the end. In Big Brother, you can't be everyone's friend, and you have to decide at some point who are your allies and who are your targets. Even in a passive aggressive way, Will Kirby, winner of Big Brother 2, managed to form a distinction as to who should be a target and who should be an ally.