Idol Rumors

This is getting a little out of hand.

I can accept rumors that Christina really didn't get voted off American Idol last week. I mean, anything is preferable to thinking that the American public is moronic enough to want to keep RJ "Hey, nice initials, man" Helton or Nikki "My only talent is dying my hair" McKibbin over Christina. But these rumors are just getting silly.

Apparently, Christina was kicked out because of her affair with Ryan Seacrest.

I'll repeat that because I know a great majority of you just went, "HUH?"

Apparently, Christina was kicked out because of her affair with Ryan "Am I 'Dumb' or 'Dumber'? I can never tell" Seacrest.

Do you ever get the feeling that the people who come up with these rumors have just stopped trying?

Excuse me if I'm a little skeptical that this young woman would risk her shot at a million dollar recording contract, not to mention her relationship with her fiancé at home, for the very resistible charms of the blonde Briyan.

Come on, Ryan, lay off the rumor-spreading, OK? The world of music already has plenty of Urban Legends, as proved by Dale Sherman's new book You Never Can Tell: Urban Legends of Rock 'n' Roll, available now for preorder at Amazon.

Sorry, lost my train of thought there…

The other popular rumor involves Simon. This one is rather creative, as it combines a few other rumors.

Supposedly, Simon purposely played up his 'crush' on Christina in order to cause a backlash against her. Yes, you read that right. She refused his sexual advances, and he set about to undermine her budding career by telling her how wonderful she was. That also explains why Tamyra and Kelly have been doing so badly too. (For you RJ fans out there, that's known as "sarcasm.")

Fox executives are allegedly "looking into improprieties" relating to last week's vote. I don't put a whole lot of faith into this, since it seems to me the limit of Fox executives' investigative prowess begins and ends at their nasal cavities, and even then they'd need a map and a couple of Sherpas for guides.

Here's the version of events I find a little more believable, courtesy of the Miami Herald:

The lovely Ms. Christian is hypoglycemic. This means that she has to take care (in other words, eat properly) to ensure that her body receives the proper amount of glucose to fuel her activities. Symptoms range wildly, but milder cases generally include weakness, confusion, nausea, and anxiety.

Naturally, with the busy schedule of photo shoots, mind-numbingly idiotic skits, and rehearsals, Christina doesn't have time to eat properly. As a result, she lost between 10-12 pounds in the past few weeks and was admitted to an L.A. hospital last week for extreme dehydration. The New York Post, among other sources, confirms that she was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.

Now, I'm not discounting the theory that she wasn't truly voted off. In fact, my personal feeling - has been since last Wednesday and remains the same today - is that she either dropped out herself or was removed from the show for medical reasons. In other words, Fox removed her because the medical risk to Christina, not to mention the insurance risk to Fox and the producers, was too great. Or, as Dana has theorized, perhaps she realized she should focus on her impending marriage before becoming an American Idol.

Either way, they couldn't come on the air and say "Hey, Christina had to drop off the show, but we've got some hilarious Ford Focus skits in the next half-hour so stay tuned!" No, they had to play up the drama, which ended up looking faker than Ryan Starr's name and feeding the conspiracy theories.

One problem with all these rumors is that we're glossing over the REAL scandals of the series. No, not Nikki's continued existence on the show, although between that and Anna-Nicole Smith's series I'm wondering if this country isn't overdue for a visit from Saint Dogbert, to cleanse away the demons of stupidity.