Road Rules Changes Not for the Better

The odds were stacked against Sarah Greyson from the first day she joined the cast of Road Rules: Campus Crawl. In her brief stint, she screwed up a tightrope mission twice, failed to overturn a car, nearly killed herself slipping on the wet ground while at the Citadel, forced herself out of standing on a pole while eager University of Alabama students hurled meat at her, and was unsuccessful in a car-surfing mission. As a result, she was voted off the show by her cast mates.

But did it really have to be this way? In the second year of Road Rules under the policy of elimination voting, producers Mary-Ellis Bunim and Jonathan Murray have proven that their lack of tact extends beyond the realm of The Real World.

Believe it or not, Road Rules had its own Golden Age. Last year, MTV aired episodes from the fifth and sixth seasons, Northern Trail and Australia, respectively. While watching those installments, there was the feeling of camaraderie with those kids. Back in the day, there was adventure, excitement, the occasional flare-up of drama, but nothing that couldn’t be smoothed over.

In August 2001, I went to Chicago for a comic book convention. While I was getting settled in my hotel room, I watched a few episodes of Road Rules: Australia. One of the missions involved cooking gourmet meals… inside moving vans navigating an obstacle course. Making things more interesting were the judges overseeing the competition were two members of the second season, Timmy and Christian. And Susie, one or the RR6 kids, had the biggest crush on Timmy. Her squeals of “Timmy’s in my Winnie!” proved to be every bit as funny as the mess than can be made while cooking at 40 miles per hour.

Northern Trail might be the best season of the series. In the first episode, Jake and Kalle of Islands (the fourth season) donned ski masks and commando gear and “kidnapped” the new cast members, including Roni from her prom in New York. In their time on the road, the sextet trained alongside Mounties, played a talented pee-wee hockey team (and lost), spent a 48-hour shift at a Detroit emergency room, and faced an All-Star team of Real Worlders in Lake Placid. And there was Dan Setzler, a guy who would not only be chosen for a date by parents, but the daughter as well. The Apple Valley, Wisconsin, resident blended alpha male skills with maximum charm. He would show up later in Real World/Road Rules: Challenge 2000 and Battle of the Seasons, furthering his legend.

When I started watching reality shows again in 2000, Road Rules was up to its ninth season, Maximum Velocity Tour. Where to begin? The main idea was that things would be more “extreme.” To that end, the cast members got their orders from a character known only as “Road Master.” I wish I were making this up. He would show up on a television monitor in the RV, taunting the Roadies on their upcoming mission. Needless to say, he was lamer than Tiny Tim on a freshly waxed floor. And the casting wasn’t much better. Laterrian claimed to have two different personalities (nice guy Laterrian and playa T) and yet neither of them showed up, save for the time he and Kathryn hooked up in a restroom. Holly was as irritating as nails on a chalkboard, one time yelling at a cameraman who dared to get close to her. James’ ultra-competitive streak also grated, as did the number of times he said “dude” while venting. Theo was on the show mostly because he came across as a slack-jawed yokel, but he at least brought some humor. Finally, there was poor Msaada, the only normal person in the RV, who didn’t get screen time until she yelled at James.

The last mission of that season was a doozy. In order to make up for failed missions, they had to come up with their own idea for the finale. They had to pitch their ideas to a three-person council made up of former Roadies. The end result? They had to fly to Las Vegas. And get married. To each other. I give credit to Msaada; any other woman I’d know would still be in the shower two years after the fact, still rubbing herself clean since she was married to James Freakin’ Orlando. Oh, and who was on that council? Chadwick Pelletier. He met Holly, had a whirlwind courtship and got married. You do remember Battle of the Seasons, yes? A more insufferable couple you’ll not find this side of Wil and Tara.

The next year, the producers decided to hitch their wagons on the Survivor phenomenon. To that end, they instituted voting. Screw up two missions, and the gang had to vote to eliminate one of their own. Afterwards, a new cast member would come in as a replacement. Never mind that unlike Survivor and Big Brother, the show wasn’t meant to lead up to a single winner. Mark Burnett had carved out a path, and Bunim and Murray had to follow it.

To that end, it would be Jisela Delgado who would be the show’s first castoff. Upon reflection, I believe she was set up as a scapegoat. She seemed to be more of a Real World girl than Road Rules. In fact, she could have taken Nicole or Lori’s place in the New York brownstone. But no, she got sent to Morocco, screwed up on a rope ladder, got into conflict with Ellen and Adam (not that I blamed her; those two had problems), and couldn’t bring herself to rappel. After two missions had been botched, she was sent home. In any other season, she would have stayed. After all, it was all about the togetherness and the ability to overcome any mental defect. But not this season.