Letters from Camp Koh Tarutao: Bang, You're Dead

Dear Mom,

Life here at Cap Koh Tarutao has taken a turn for the… well… bizarre. I'm not really sure what to say or what do to anymore. I had a nice long dinner with John after he was booted from the island and I tried to explain to him why he was booted out, but I don't think I did a very good job. I think mentioning the alien spacecraft landing in the middle of the night and planting evil images of him in our brains was a bit too much.

Anyway, I spent the night with Chewing Gum in their caves. Until the merger when Markie Mark decides how he's going to play that out, I am going to keep my butt here. The caves are pretty cool to sleep in (not to mention gorgeous).

Okay, okay, Mom, there is a second reason why I don't want to sleep at Sukiyama's camp. Those people are starting to get on my nerves. It's been six days and they haven't built a decent shelter yet and they are still complaining that some people aren't helping to build it. Personally, what I am going to find really funny is if Markie Mark pulls another tribal switch and the people who have been working so hard on their shelter (or at the very least complaining that there is no shelter) get shipped over to the land of Chewing Gum and don't get to stay there after all.

Jed is becoming even more of an enigma. He's been bucking the traditional bent of his tribe more and more as of late and I'm starting to get worried about him. He spent his time going to gather food when the majority seemed bent on getting shelter. Then, when they wanted to get food, he wanted to sit around and do nothing. He made some comment about it not taking five people to search the beach and surrounding areas for food, and I agree with the philosophy and the ideas behind it; however, I am not fully convinced that it's winning him any friends or favors in the tribe.

On the converse, though, if Jed were the leader of this tribe then he would be dividing labor to make sure that everything was getting taken care of - but he's not the leader and he needs to realize that his actions (or inactions) in the eyes of his fellow tribemates are going to start taking a toll on his viability as a colleague and a competitor.

The only person, though, who seems dead set on making sure that there is shelter is Ken. To make it even worse, he's still complaining that people aren't there to help him out (making pointed references about Jed and Stephanie). While Robb meanwhile has come around and realized that what Jed and Stephanie are doing in terms of gathering food and water is actually beneficial to the tribe. I am concerned for Ken, because if he keeps on his rant then he is most assuredly going to find himself on the way out. Then again, I said pretty much the same thing about Sean and Rob when I was in the Marquesas and we both remember how I wrong I was about that.

Chewing Gum's camp, however, is one walking multiple personality syndrome. They're down from losing the challenge and concerned for Tanya who looks like she's about to vomit every three seconds -which she pretty much does anyway, and makes me really thankful that it doesn't set off a chain reaction of vomiting from the rest of Chewing Gum's tribe.

But I have to say that they really do act more like a family than their Sukiyama counterparts. They put together a nice anniversary party for Helen to celebrate her twentieth wedding anniversary. Now if it was a true twentieth anniversary party, I would have brought the appropriate gift for that year - china. I like that year's choice of gifts. It's much better than when I got you the aluminum cans from the neighbor's trash to celebrate your tenth anniversary (the year of tin and aluminum) and not as embarrassing as when I got you something from Frederick's of Hollywood's to celebrate the year of lace on your thirteenth wedding anniversary.

I'm starting to worry about Jan, though, and the emotional toll this entire experience is beginning to take on her. She had problems during the immunity challenge and was emotionally and physically exhausted after the debacle of her and Helen going to get the water and getting lost. Helen recounted the whole thing to me and said she would have offed herself and Jan because they were not in the best of situations for either of them. Jan is just chugging along and working her butt off. We had a really nice talk along the beach last night when we discussed both being from Florida and how I sang in Tampa at their performing arts center and how we both loved a nice glass of wine. I have an open invitation to come down and visit her next time I am in the area and I just might take her up on the offer.

Anyway, while Jan and Helen were out getting water, I broke out the chess set and tried to get people engaged in a nice friendly game. Ted looked at me and said in all seriousness, "This isn't Big Brother." So it was time for Clay to put his golf club and ball to use, and we created the Chewing Gum Country Club golf course.

The first hole is a dogleg to the left. You have to make sure that you avoid the snakes on the right and the ocean on the left. The second hole is a quick shot right up the fairway. There's a sandtrap halfway down the fairway and the water right before the hole. I'm telling you, Mom, the PGA needs to consider moving the Masters championship to our camp. It would be a big hit for sure.

I might even turn pro…

Love,

Your son…

C. Brian Devinney is a human resources consultant from New York City. When not reporting on reality TV, he can be found rooting on his beloved Yankees, writing in his online diary, Tales From the City, or designing new items for his online store BlogGear.com. He can be reached at TheRealityFactor@aol.com.

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