Road Rules 11, Episode 16: Facing the Real World

We start off this week with our cast leaving messages for The Real World folks and Kendal and Eric sniping each other. So basically nothing's new this week except I have seven more people to write about for this episode. Kendal says she doesn't mind if Eric hooks up with someone now, as long as she gets a "warning." Yeah. Whatever.

The Road Rulers get to Lake Meade, where they see two houseboats. They're excited. They should be. They have separate beds and a jacuzzi and, as Shane points out, no dirty dishes. And there's plenty of Domino's Pizza, which these people seem to like for some reason.

Johnny Moseley is the mission mayor. You know, the gold medal skier? That's also the name of my town's mayor, but trust me, there's a vast difference. Speaking of differences, on this mission, no one gets voted off. They will compete against the other cast, win or lose, for scooters. Uh oh... this group has a bad history with scooters.

The Real World crew finally shows up and Shane says the girls are scrawny. Darrell says the guys are huge. So I guess it balances out, huh?

The first mission is floating tug-o-war. The groups are on two trampoline inner tubes and the first one to pull in their flag off the rope wins. Best two out of three. Real World takes the first one and our shocked Road Rulers are forced to regroup. They take the next two, however, so they are in the lead after the first day.

Everyone on the Road Rules cast is worried about "upholding the tradition" of Road Rules beating the Real World in the challenges.

Real World seems to be worried about their chances as well.

"We hate each other," Frank says. "If the contest was about hooking up, getting drunk and arguing about the dishes, we'd win hands down." I'm starting to like Frank, even if he is freakishly bony.

Well, with the first mission over for the day, we have time to watch the cast hook up. Eric's whore-meter appears to be broken as he goes straight for Trishelle, who's racking up tons of cast opinions.

"She's love lounge worthy," Eric says.

"She's a man vulture," Raquel says. And she admits to being unfaithful. Wow. OK, pot, the kettle will take that under advisement.

But alas, the intervention of Raquel and later Kendal didn't work.

"I'm hooking up with him," Trishelle says of Eric.

Then they all play spin the bottle. Wow, of all the games that are probably stashed on that boat, they pick the one people play when they're 12! We're treated to a few lesbian kisses, then Eric spins and the bottle points toward Trishelle. Bet that's not the only open-ended round object that's ever pointed her way.

Eric picks Trishelle up, pins her against the hot tub, then they both kiss as they fall in. The rest of the casts are pretty horrified. Then they go to the "Love Lounge" room.

The next morning, Trishelle complains about being dissed by the Road Rules girls and Kendal complains about being dissed by Eric. The girls complain about Trishelle in front of Eric and he gets all defensive.

The morning mission is called "Breaking the Seal" and, considering what is about to happen, I don't want to know how they came up with that name. Basically the object is to drink drink drink and not pee or vomit. Refills are every two minutes, and every half hour they have to do an exercise to get the juices flowing, so to speak.

One by one our groups drink and one by one they go down in shame. And for those of you playing the home game we're treated to our fourth, yes FOURTH episode in this series where we see someone vomit. I already have put in my request that the next show I recap no one can vomit. I was told we'd first have to find such a show.

Raquel, Kendal, Shane, Irulan, Brynn, Trishelle, Rachel, and Steven all have either of the two forbidden bodily functions one by one. Shane admits to cinching his weenie like a waterhose as he heads for the bathroom. Lovely image. Then the three remaining players (Eric for RR, Alton and Frank for RW) are forced to drink with their arms in pans of water. This is Eric's downfall although it appears he wins the daily award for vomit volume. So after all that, our two casts are tied.

The last mission is wrestling, in various forms of food and condiments. Our groups pair up for the fight and both are equally confident. That is, until Irulan beats Rachel while being covered in jelly, then the Road Rules kids are freaking out. Too bad Trishelle has to sit this one out to keep the casts even, I bet Kendal would love to get her hands on her.

Frank and Shane go at it in pudding next and it's a draw, no points.

Kendal and Arissa are in catsup, which I know from a bad childhood memory stings like hell if it gets in your eyes. Kendal pulls out a win.

Raquel and Brynn wrestle in chocolate sauce. Brynn wins, no surprise there.

Steven and Darrell are next in whipped cream but instead of wrestling, Steven just lays there. Wimp. It's a draw.

Eric and Alton are last and they also fight to a draw. So Real World wins. Our Road Rulers are ticked off as the trophy is handed over to the slutty seven.

At the end of the day, Eric has barely kissed Trishelle good-bye when he's trying to make nice with Kendal again. She's having none of it and just wants to ignore it and get the mission over and go home.

Raquel, who hasn't even been on this trip that long, admits the cast is sick of each other. But relief is coming, for the cast and the viewers, as the season wraps up next week. But not before the cast has to get through an obstacle course. Suspended 100 feet in the air. Blindfolded. Man, nothing's free on this show.

Jennifer Shrader is a reporter at a community newspaper in rural North Carolina who is waiting to be discovered.

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