WWE Tough Enough 3, Episode 8: Did We Mention that Kelly's Back Hurts?

My thanks, first of all, to Dale Sherman for filling in for me last week. Spent some quality time in Michigan with my girlfriend's family and narrowly got out of there before the huge snowstorm.

LAST WEEK: Jonah pulled a great rib on the cast (my favorite part had to be when Big had to walk away before he lost it), but how injured is he? The Iceland trip is announced, and Scott finally lost his entertainment value and was cut.

Everyone reflects on Scott's departure, and seem to be surprised how much they miss him. Matt expected Kelly, and says he's been wrong on every cut so far. Don't worry, big guy, my track record hasn't been stellar either. He's worried, because it proves you never know what will happen.

Jonah notes that the competition is getting fierce. Al agrees, saying that the two winners are "miles down the road." You're only as good as the last time you were in the ring, even down to your last bump.

In said ring, they've gone to basic moves like hiptosses and bodyslams. Some are better than others, but there's one common thread: every time Kelly bumps, her face shows her obvious pain. Justin thinks her toughing it out is a point in her favor, but she's not progressing because of the injury. Personally, I have to wonder why she hasn't gotten an MRI.

Jamie wonders how she's going to handle injuries when she's a WWE Superstar, if she complains about it this much. Wow, is Jamie a real snot or is it just my imagination?

Jonah reminisces about his rib from last episode. John says they're looking for ways to get him back, and Eric comes up with the classic "Ex-Lax in the drink." What's even better is if you can trick the person into eating the Ex-Lax like chocolate, like a couple friends of mine did to a guy in High School. The best part was when someone asked him for a piece, and he refused to share. He ate almost a full box that day. He missed school the next day.

Ah, memories.

Anyway… Jonah now makes the habit of checking his bed and pillow every night before he goes to bed. Wise idea. The best revenge is in the anticipation.

Kelly's back still hurts. Big says this past week has not been a good one for Kelly, performance wise.

The trainers take turns beating up on the contestants, and throwing them out of the ring. Kelly's back still hurts.

The trainer asks Kelly to describe the pain in her back (which, by the way, is still hurting). She says "constant," which I don't think is what he was going for on that one. Ivory says she's going to need to adapt to the pain and move on, because her back is STILL hurting.

Okay, I'll stop now.

[Editor's Note: But wait - what about Kelly's back?? Is it still hurting? Oh. Um. Sorry. Never mind.]

It's lunchtime, and Eric had managed to add an ingredient to Jonah's smoothie: nearly half a bottle of laxative. Back in training, everyone is watching Jonah and trying not to laugh. It's obvious he's uncomfortable.

Finally, Jonah inches over to Bill and whispers to him. Bill yells, "Then go instead of standing here like a jackass." Jonah beats cheeks (which is probably not the best choice of words, but oh well) to the lavatory, where he reenacts a scene from Dumb and Dumber.

All of a sudden, you hear, "Oh, {bleep}" and Jonah yelling for help from behind closed doors. The rest of the cast is in hysterics, because apparently someone hid the toilet paper.

Bill, soft hearted sweetie that he is, offers to come in and wipe Jonah's ass for him. Now, there's a mental picture. Bill tells him he has two minutes so he'd better finish up.

Meanwhile, Al and Big take a roll of toilet paper and unravel it, offering Jonah about three sheets and telling him that's all there is. By this time, Jonah sounds - shall we say - very uncomfortable. This, unquestionably, MADE the whole prank.

As Jonah rejoins the training, Al asks him if he's feeling all right. John walks up and hands him the nearly-empty bottle of laxative. Much laughter and cursing results, and I'll leave it to you to determine who does what. Jonah agrees, reluctantly, that it was a good rib.

Much as I laughed at Jonah's rib last week, this week's was that much better. Jonah's may have been more creative, but you can't argue with a classic.

In preparation for the trip to Iceland, the gang get various athletic-supply gifts, and since I'm not getting anything out of it, I'm not going to give the names of the companies. It looks like enough clothes and gear for a month's vacation, though.

Kelly can't look forward to the trip because… well, you figure it out. She just wants her back to stop spasming. John is looking at it as an opportunity to go somewhere he's never been before. Eric is looking forward to the nightlife. Okay.

Don't get me wrong, I'd probably enjoy a trip to Iceland (except ice and snow are pretty high on my list of "things I'm tired of dealing with" right now), but… well, remember that scene in Wayne's World where they go "I'm in… Delaware. Why am I in Delaware?" That's kind of what I think of whenever someone talks about going to Iceland.