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The Bachelorette: Meet the Bachelorsby C. Brian Devinney -- 12/30/2002
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Well, itís that time again, but this time itís different.
Normally, I would start off another season of The Bachelor with a preview of the twenty-five women who are going to come under my intense scrutiny, biting sarcasm, and a bit of a temperamental attitude. This time, itís twenty-five men and the one question that has been repeatedly asked of me will be answered -- ďAre you going to treat the men any differently than you do the women?Ē
My answer -- ďHELL NO!Ē Granted, there may be more gushing during some of the gratuitous poolside shots but I think they can handle that.
And, once again, a forewarning to the twenty-five men that I am about to put through the ringer, there are some minor rules -- 1) Take everything I say with a grain of salt and blame it on bad editing. 2) No, Iím not heterosexual, therefore my thoughts and opinions may be skewed ever so slightly, although from the number of emails I get telling me how much they agree with my thoughts on the whole proceedings, well... letís say just say that Iím rarely wrong. My, thatís mighty cocky of me, but Shannon from Bachelor 1 proved me wrong so I will freely admit when I am wrong and will wallow in my shame. 3) If you think Iím being really mean just call up Trista and ask her about me. I put her through the wringer a few times myself. 4) Feel free to email me and correct any misconceptions you may have (or tell me off or explain a situation better to me or ask me out on a dateÖ). Trust me, Iím really a nice guy who has an incredibly bitchy side to him. If it helps to understand me, I also play rugby. Something tells me it wonít help you understand, but Iím just putting it out there.
So here are the bachelors and letís see if I can narrow them down to an eventual winner.
Billy, 28, firefighter, San Diego, California.
How can you not love his smile? Heís so adorable, you want to pick him up, put him in your pocket and take him home with you. Heís a bit adventurous with his snowboarding and surfing (being the Californian that he is) but something tells me that for as much as I can adore this man, heís not going to make it very far and I for one will be very sad about that. I can see you sticking around until maybe the final 8 or so.
Bob, 31, mortgage banker, Riverview, Michigan
Bob, I am just hoping this is a bad picture of you on the website. Trust me, I know of bad pictures. I was once called the ďSean Penn of bloggersĒ because whenever the camera would be pointed in my way I would duck, move, or punch out the person holding the camera. Youíre divorced and Iím not sure how that will play into whether or not Trista will keep you around. Iím going to say you donít make it past the first round. Surprise me!
Brian C., 28, mortgage banker, Houston, Texas
Okay thereís something about him that I like and I canít really explain what it is. Maybe itís the pale blue eyes or maybe itís the fact that heís taking this as an ďexperienceĒ and not planning on falling in love with Trista within the first forty-five minutes of meeting her and picking out their china pattern as a certain emotional basketcase from the previous season was doing. Brian C., weíre putting you in the final three.
Brian H., 28, national sales manager, Seven Hill, Ohio
MARRY ME! Oh wait... did that come out? Just one of those moments where the inside voice comes out, I guess. Just on the physical side, my God, I would be drooling if I ever met you. I love that youíve put ďmaking people laughĒ as one of your hobbies. Now, you know what this means if youíre my favorite -- youíre SO not going to win this thing. Youíre in the final eight but sadly no further. Call me when youíre in NYC. Weíll do lunch.
Brian K., 31, breast implants salesman (no, Iím not joking here), Hammond, Indiana
Hmmm, just based on the occupation alone, you would be better suited to Amanda from Season 1, but thatís another story. I dunno. Thereís something about Brian K. that I canít shake. But itís a good thing I promise you. A good thing. Itís that playful smile, your athletic bent, definitely not your occupation, and something else. You have a certain something that I just canít put my finger on and I think it will take you to at least the round of 15.
Brian S. (the final Brian), 27, sales engineer, Houston, Texas
Thereís not much to say about you on your bio which makes me wonder if youíre as boring in real life as you are in print. Softball, golf, and weightlifting, huh? Hmm. I wish I could know more about you to make a qualified decision but since I canít, youíre out in the first round.
Brook, 28, sales, Dallas, Texas
The hair, the hair, the hair. Please tell me youíve changed it since youíve been on the show. Thereís something oddly Eighties about it that bothers me. Your attitude towards marriage and relationships is really refreshing and itís nice that you want to mimic your parentsí marriage. Iím putting you in the round of 15 and hoping you impress Trista enough to prove me wrong.1 2 3 Next-->
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