Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Sexes - The Good, The Bad & The Notorious

It's January, and reality television fans know what that means: time for Mary-Ellis Bunim and Jonathan Murray to pit former cast members of The Real World and Road Rules against each other for cold, hard, sponsor-labeled cash. This past Monday, MTV aired a teaser preview for Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Sexes.

First comes a plethora of clips from the show. Syrus: "We're gonna go out and kick these girls' butts." More clips. Christina: "I think the girls are gonna outshine them." Even more shots. Laterrian shots "Hoo-hah!" as he leads the other guys. Melissa curses out Julie. David E. threatens to whoop Puck's ass. There's a game of Simon Says. Building of log cabins. Puck babbles on and Ellen tries to shut him up. Rachel says that the game is getting ugly. Emily says that this is going to be the "Jerry Springer of the [Challenges]." Seeing how this is her third appearance in a row, that's saying something.

Segue to the titles sequence, with all 36 competitors. Their names will be bold-faced here when introduced, to differentiate them from other people.

Cut to the hosts of the preview: Ruthie (Real World: Hawaii) and Jonny Mosely, who will be hosting the series. We get clips of Jonny skiing, though nothing of his performance in the Olympics in the moguls. When you have a video game with your name on it and don't medal, you get to host a BMP show. Consider it a warning. Jonny introduces Ruthie as a "reformed party girl." We get clips of Ruthie drinking and dancing it up in Hawaii. I feel bad for her; she was just the tip of the very dyslexic iceberg that was her season. Jonny and Ruthie are at the Tonga Room at the Fairmont Hotel in San Francisco, and they're talking about the latest Challenge, which was filmed in Montego Bay, Jamaica. The set-up is explained: rather than Real World and Road Rules cast members facing off against each other, this will be the guys versus the girls. At stake is $150,000 in "Chili's Cash," which Ruthie clarifies that it's not that much in mozzarella sticks.

We get clips of the guys and girls. No competition here; just looking really good in swimsuits. Lucky for me I'm not that self-conscious. Really. I'm not. I choose not to go to the beach for my own reasons.

Introduction of Dan (RW: Miami). He's got long hair, like he could star in the direct-to-video sequel to George of the Jungle. There's the fight with fellow housemate Melissa after she opened his mail. He calls her a bitch, she calls him a "flamer" - it's a classic clip. Cut to the present day: Laterrian is giving a pep talk. Dan muses that his teammates dined on a "testosterone buffet." The team receives a phone message about a "brain game." "What if we have to eat brains?" Dan asks. This ain't Campus Crawl, so don't worry. Dan hangs from his legs on a trapeze, but he falls in the water.

Ayanna (Road Rules: Semester at Sea) talks about how she graduated from Howard University with a B.A. in Theater Arts and Administation. Cut to her and Pua getting into a screaming match. I honestly can't tell what they're going on about. Surprisingly, the editors don't show her beating up Christian during Extreme Challenge. Oh, right, the cameramen missed that. We see Ayanna in present-day action.

Mark (RR: Season One) is looking to get into hosting programming, mentioning that he was the "Gadget Guru" on Donny & Marie for two years. First of all, didn't he co-host Battle of the Seasons with Eric last year? Secondly, who would admit to working on Donny & Marie? Clips of him during his season, including skinny-dipping and taking a mud bath. In Jamaica, he dives off a balcony and into a pool, and he tears a log cabin up.

How about a blast from the recent past? We see Shane (RR: Campus Crawl) getting chewed out by the Citadel drill instructors. Man, I forgot all about that. He dances in a gay bar. He smacks Darrell in the face, ticking the aspiring Olympic boxer off. In Jamaica, he reads a clue off the phone. He finishes a cabin. Puck: "Who said gay guys can't build houses?" Shut up, Puck. I'll be saying that every other paragraph this season.

Next, there's Gladys (RR: Latin America). Naturally, we get the one clip of her beating the crap out of Abe. For those who never saw it, think of it as a less bogus version of the Steven/Brynn tiff. Seriously, Gandhi would've taken a poke at Abe. In Jamaica, Jonny takes Gladys aside and tell her she can't compete in an event, even though she got the OK from her doctor. I know what her "condition" is, and I can't blame Jonny.

Back in San Francisco, Jonny wonders what a Challenge would be without missions. Um, wouldn't it be people yelling and fondling each other? In Jamaica, a military guy wakes the women up. There's intense exercising. The trapeze over water, with Jake's "equipment" poking from his trunks. The log cabins. "Simon Says patty-cake!" People staying underwater. Laterrian: "I refuse to lose this challenge!" Puck during the log cabin mission: "I know you little fillies are mad. Keep buildin'" Shut UP, Puck. Setting up for laser tag. Hey, something I know I'm good at! Guys celebrate a victory. Women win a mission. Guys chant: "RIDE OR F*****G DIE!" The girls psyche themselves up for an event. The guys kneel in front of a scoreboard.

Ruthie and Jonny do a little more pimping. They don't have chemistry, but they're not as bad as Cara and Theo in the Real World: Las Vegas preview special. Before the commercials, we get two more cast members. For Veronica (RR: Semester at Sea), this is her third Challenge. I don't count last year, since she was voted out in the first episode. She talks with Jisela about ups and downs. She tells the camera that she'd love to send Emily home. Then there's Laterrian (RR: Maximum Velocity Tour), who cusses out Emily to the camera. I don't remember him being this ticked. "My boys," he says in another interview, "We're all warriors." He shouts "HOO-RAH!" twice, getting backed up by the assembled guys. I don't know what's weirder: that he's become a field leader, or that he's using the same terms as Ian from The Amazing Race 3.

After the commercials, we meet Christina (RR: Australia), who's living in Los Angeles. She's hoping the women can outshine the guys. Next, there's Syrus (RW: Boston). Note it's spelled "Syrus," not "Sirus," as he was labeled in Eminem's video for "Without Me." He says that he's a fierce competitor, and he doesn't want to cheat, but he has before. Didn't he almost pummel James for cheating during Extreme Challenge?

Back to Jonny and Ruthie, who seem a little more relaxed. There are drinks on the table. I'll let you jump to conclusions. Jonny segues into the next profile, calling Puck the "reigning champion of trouble." Shut up, Jonny.