The Bachelorette, Episode 1: It's a Brian-Palooza!

It's the standard deal from Smitty as we start off the first ever season of The Bachelorette. I can already tell you she's locked lips with Ryan, who I called out as an early dismissal in my preview article, but I think I can deal with that later. The only question on my mind is how will my pick to win it all (Jaime with the dashing smile) and my hunka hunka burnin' man love, Brian H., do in the first round? Will I be a happy man or is this going to be one long series?

Any way you look at it, with FOUR BRIANS on this show, there's a good chance that one of them may get pretty far. Thankfully for Trista, I'm not one of the bachelors. I do have my obligatory bottle of Veuve Clicquot on hand and I've got glass number one lined up.

So there's Chris Harrison, aka Smitty, reminding us that it's all about Ms. Trista this time around. He lets us know that men around the world wanted a chance to date Trista as soon as Mr. Alex Michel dumped her for Amanda. So what's the best revenge (not to mention great publicity?) – let's give Trista her own show where she can search for the man of her dreams.

So let's remeet Trista, the lady that Alex didn't pick. We get her painful dismissal from the show and for those of us that watched the ABC Family edition, we saw that painful post-show conversation over the phone between the two where she pointedly asked him what happened in between the time she left the house after being told she was the one to the point where he changed his mind. Over this we get a montage of Trista in Lycra dancing for the Miami Heat, Trista in a bathing suit, and more skin from Trista.

Then we get to the lovely Roseanne, Trista's mother, who would like to remind everyone that her daughter is more than a dancer. She's also a pediatric physical therapist and I have to say that I was quite disappointed in ABC for playing up on the dancer angle of her life in the first edition of The Bachelor, so it's nice to know that they at least show her at work here. Trista was raised in Missouri and played soccer and softball. We go through her educational background (which includes a master's degree from the University of Miami) and some pictures of her growing up and all I gotta say is, "Trista, honey. What were you thinking back then???"

So why is she manless? She wants Mr. Right. She doesn't want Mr. Right Now, she wants the perfect man. She wants someone who will be there for her when she is there for him. And here she is in this slinky black dress with the slit up to the knee and she is just rocking! Men of America take note. She says she has fallen in love with the man she has chosen and is now off the market so you will have to just suck it up and deal.

Into the to Bachelorette-pad, which is laden with candles and immaculately decorated in a style you would not see on Trading Spaces. All I gotta say it that her pad is one swank place. I would die to live there.

In her interview with Smitty, Trista says that she was hurt when Alex turned her aside but she has regrouped and is ready to move on. She is looking forward to the experience of finding a possible mate through this process. The fact that she's the first woman to do this, she considers it to be a powerful moment to be the one with the majority of the decision making process.

So… we're going to meet the men of The Bachelorette. Now, let me forewarn the men as I did in my preview article, you are going to be judged on multiple categories here – presentation, evening wear, poise, and that intangible "Ooomph Factor." I've already done a preliminary test on you before so let's how you actually handle meeting Ms. Trista. If you think I'm being too harsh, too mean, too… something, well you know where to reach me and to tell me off. You can also call up Ms. Trista (or any of the other ladies) and ask them about me. I've been told that I'm notorious for being brutally honest.

Oh and Trista, whenever you're in NYC and you want to have dinner, look me up. We have lots to talk about.

And here are the men…

Jaime, 27. Professional Basketball Player. He turned down the chance to play pro basketball in Germany for the chance to possibly marry Trista. Can I just say the man has a dazzling smile and the suit is perfect. I loved how she watched him enter the house as if she couldn't believe what she just saw.

Rob, 29. Computer Programmer. Okay, I hate the hair but he's got that cherub look going for him as well that makes him look about six years younger than he really is. As for the suit… eh. It was okay but didn't wow me.

Chris, 35. Vice President of an Auto Parts Company. Looks much better than he did in his bio pic. He already lays down the gauntlet that he is going to compete against these guys for Trista. Ugh, how macho. Trista is a prize to behold and just not a trophy for your arm. I'm holding out hope for you yet, Chris.

Jack, 27. Firefighter. Again, he's treating Trista like a trophy and this is starting to bother me. I guess I never noticed this as much with The Bachelor women, but this is the second man in a row that's made me go… hmm, something isn't right here. The suit, though, very nice indeed.

Brian S, 29. Sales Engineer. Again someone else who looks better on the show than in their online bio pic. I just liked that natural reaction of his when he was away from Trista of total awe as if his breath was taken away. So far, perhaps the most natural of men to be presented.