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Joe Nineteen-Thousandaireby Wendy Uyeda -- 01/16/2003
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Twenty women agree to be on a Bachelor-type show. Everyone of them works, many have college educations and of course, all are physically attractive. There are no "chubby" women (as opposed to at least one of the men on The Bachelorette), no one with bad teeth, nobody with a unibrow or other physical trait that would make a woman undesirable physically. They meet a man in a castle and are told he is rich and he then lies to them to confirm this. Yet he is the poor guy looking for women to love him for him and these women are ruthless gold diggers.
Why is it so wrong for women to want a man who is financially stable? Why is it so wrong to find that a desirable and sought-out trait in a man that you would marry? How is it different from a man who wants to marry a beautiful woman or people who want to marry a person who comes from a good family or the same race? A relationship should not be based on money but it is not something that you can or should ignore either.
I come from an Asian-American family and believe me, women do everything. They cook, they clean, they decorate, they try to look nice and fit, buy clothes for their children and husbands, host parties, remember birthdays, pack men's suitcases for them when they go on trips which they have organized, take care of the young, and sometimes even balance the checkbook. All this is done while working a full time job. All the men are expected to do is lift heavy objects, work a VCR, and take care of the yard and car. I realize this is cultural but many cultures in America are like this, regardless of race. So when these women talk about wanting a financially stable man, I understand. Most women do not need a man to cook or clean for them, we already know how to do that. We are looking for good providers as sure as we want our children to grow up not wanting or needing anything.
Men only have one job they need to do - earn a decent wage. When they come home, their work day is largely over. Women, on the other hand, work, come home and work some more for a "different employer." Dinner needs to be on the table, dishes need to cleaned, sheets need to be changed, clothes need to be washed. If you have children, please add that homework needs to be checked, toys need to be put away, children bathed and tucked in. Many men of the new generation help but honestly, when a man does this, he is considered a great husband or great father. Women do this and it is no big deal, it is expected. The are the roles which we grew up watching on TV and in movies. You cannot change thousands of years of society in fifty years. Look at Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty - beautiful women who find romance with rich men (for more in this area, see Joe Millionaire: Blame It On Disney - In Defense of Women Who Seek Out Their Prince Charming). Yes, the beauty may be on the inside but what fairy tale is about Bertha, the 400 lb girl next door who marries Augustus, the dashing young man who shovels manure on someone else's farm while living in his parents' woodshed? Outside beauty makes a great first impression and money makes men beautiful as sure as a nice figure makes women beautiful. These women are set up with the rich, romantic prince, complete with castle and given jewels as tokens of acceptance. Why shouldn't they be dazzled by the money when this falls right into fairy tale roles that they grew up with?
Many domestic fights are about money. I say it is easier to love a rich man than a poor man, just as it is easier to date a pretty woman than an ugly one. How can these women love Evan for who he is when all he has done so far is lie to them about that very point? Why are these women villainized, made to fight over dresses like the stepsisters in Cinderella, mocked by a condescending butler, while Evan, the biggest liar of them all, is made out like some poor sweet man just looking for love? Men want us to love them for who they are, not judge them by money, by looks, by age, by their past. What is left to judge them on? These men who want us to love them for what is inside are the same men who spend millions of dollars a year on porn.
This is reality in a relationship. You meet someone, you don't know anything about them, and you either click or don't. No preconceived notion or richness or beauty, just two people meeting and falling in love and then, yes, you love that person for what is on the inside. You don't find that kind of reality on a show with 19 other women and a liar.
I am sure that I am taking an unpopular stand and many men will think me shallow. I am not with a rich man, just an average middle class good guy and we get along splendidly, even if money gets tight now and then. However, I have dated poor men and it is not fun. When all you worry about is money and bills, it leaves little time to enjoy each other. So before you send me off a scathing e-mail, ask yourself this: Would you want your daughter to marry a nineteen-thousandaire? How about if he lied to her first about who he was?
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