Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Sexes, Episode 3: Riding (And Dying) In Cars With Boys

Has it only been a week? This isn't an awfully corny lead for the recap. It just feels that after enduring premiere after premiere of new reality shows, it feels like forever since the first installment. Good thing MTV airs this stuff hundreds of times a week, right?

There's also the web sites. Oh, goodness, the web sites. Melissa and Julie reopened their sites, taking potshots at one another and going on MTV.com to butt heads. Lori's site has her own articles, while Colin launched his own page. Both have juicy behind-the-scenes tidbits, including more on LoogieGate, the "stand" for Puck, and a RR member who didn't sleep for 72 hours and blew a gasket at the suggestion of getting voted off. While I am impressed at their insights, I'll have to stop reading the material until I'm done with future recaps, since it may affect my writing.

Previously, on Battle of the Sexes: Gladys revealed to the other girls that she was pregnant. After LoogieGate and the Melissa/Julie dust-up, I didn't think that would lead off. I wonder if Gladys gets featured this week. Ah, there's Melissa giving Julie the first, second and third degree. I watched every episode of The Mole 2, and I don't remember Dorothy wearing a t-shirt promoting her band like Julie did. Shot of Blair screwing up Sergeant Says, and the girls celebrate. Syrus: "What a smack in the face!" Melissa's in the Inner Circle, and she wants to vote Julie off. Aneesa doesn't want it to be personal. Genesis drops the hammer on Julie. Buh-bye, Julie. In a previously unseen interview, Emily says that the girls haven't established a fair way of voting off people. As opposed to the guys, where Puck drives people insane until they snap and leave.

Credits! Midtown! The Cheesiest Title Sequence Ever! Actually, most of the dancing got spliced out, making for a shorter sequence. For anybody who cares, here's the order: Blair/Anne, Amaya/Dan, Jake/Shane, Emily/James, Mark/Lori, Veronica/Ellen, Colin/Theo, Melissa/Jamie, Beth/Syrus, Eric N./Rachel, Antoine/David E., Ayanna/Jisela, David B./Yes, Christina/Tonya, Gladys/Aneesa, Laterrian/Eric J., Genesis/Ruthie, and Puck/Julie. Yeah, Julie and David E. are still in the credits. Why anybody should be reminded of David, avenger of saliva, is beyond me. But Jisela smacks him and gives the thumbs-up, so that works for me. Go, Jisela!

Women's Villa. There's coughing. Two girls are in the bathroom, and one of them closes the door. Then an old friend shows up: FP. FP is Fantasy Points, meaning if you have one of those two on your MTV.com fantasy team, you get ten points for "bodily function." Sick, but addictive to play. Speaking of sick, Christina fills us in: pretty much everybody in the Villa has persistent diarrhea. Gladys (who's pregnant and in a place of disease) mentions that Ruthie has been up since 5 a.m., in constant pain. There's a joke in there, but I'm not touching it. Lori tells some of the ladies of the rumbling in her stomach. Tonya figures that the guys must be sick as well.

Ironic Segue! A guy jumps off the ledge and into the pool. What will it take for these guys to stop that? "Check his teeth. If he's Real World, call Neil to replace him. If he's Road Rules, call Darrell." Laterrian laughs. Not a shot of any guy hanging drywall here. "The girls are feeling sick," says James, "But the guys want to kick some arse." Arse? Arse?!? What happened to the constant string of "dudes"? Eric N. rubs some material on Puck's armpits, and the Scabby One compliments him. It's a cult, I tell you, and Eric is the high priest. In an interview, Yes says that the group is a "big ol', funky, unique frat." Guess I know where I can buy an adjective. One of these frat boys tells Antoine that they've been making fun of him for three days, and he didn't even know it. "Please carry on," he replies with a smile. Oh, those wacky Belgians! Just then, the phone rings with the latest mission details. David (there's only one left so no need to use last initials anymore) informs everybody that everybody will meet up at 10:30 a.m., and to wear swimsuits and sunblock. I'm convinced the hand holding the phone isn't David's. I'm going to get a wee critical on the editors as time goes on.

Shots of everybody getting on the team buses. The guys have a pow-wow. Eric N. talks first, since he's the eldest. That, and he's holding a miniature giraffe figure. In an interview, Eric says that the guys had to come up with a plan to vote. Now David has the giraffe. He says that the guys caught a huge break when David E. left, and that the girls helped them out. "Julie getting kicked off was [bleeped]-up on their part," he adds. The giraffe materializes in Yes' hand, saying that the group has to be capable of figuring out who's weak and strong. Puck adds that it has to be specific. Eric the Elder waves the giraffe empathically. The bottom line: they agree to vote out whoever has the lowest cumulative score.

Now Laterrian has the giraffe. What say you, LT? "Losing is the worst thing that happens," he says. "I lost the last Challenge. I refuse [fist pump] to lose [fist pump] this Challenge." First of all, way to invoke Murphy's Law. Secondly, he's still a little ticked off at what happened during Extreme Challenge. That does explain him cussing out Emily on-camera during the preview. Syrus interviews that Laterrian is a competitor, and his intensity rubs off on the others. Laterrian goes on: "The best thing that's ever happened to me so far in my entire life is meeting you guys." Yikes. Let's review: this is third get-together with James. Who wants to hang around with James the ultra-competitive jock, especially when there's stuff to be competitive about? Secondly, if meeting sixteen other guys is his life's main highlight, then that's sad. I hope that's the lack of sleep talking.

Crane. Trapezes. Guys arrive. Girls arrive. Puck: "Thanks for the manly sport today, brother." Oh, shut up. Jonny Moseley welcomes the squads to Dead Man's Drop, which will test endurance. Jonny goes on, saying that everybody will hang onto the trapezes upside-down over the water. There's a long close-up of Tonya, like she's going to start fretting over her kidney problems any second. In an interview, Jisela that while everybody's stomachs are in a knot, the women will win. Jisela is the last person to be saying this, what with suspension involved in this game. That's her Kryptonite. James says that the girls' winning streak is temporary. "The guys are insanely competitive," he says, "And will do anything… and I mean anything to win." Pot, meet kettle.

Jonny continues: Dead Man's Drop will be a timed event, and everybody will be competing as individuals, with 36 points for first place, down to a mere three for last. There will be three heats, and Shane expositions that it's based on placement from last mission. Jonny has a special treat for the person who hangs the longest: season ticket passes for the entire team from Loews Theater. Very nice; I'd be hitting Manhattan every week with that kind of reward. The winner also snags the Ion Lifesaver, which can be used to bail out the bearer or somebody else. Funny… Colin never mentioned anything in the rulebook about self-preservation with the IL.