High School Reunion, Episode 3: The Hijinks, The Boxing Match, and the Very Big Fish

Just as I predicted, now we get to look at how far Bitchy Girl Sarah, Homecoming Queen Maya, and Jock Dan have come as they get tacked onto the end of the cheesy credits from hell. Ah. Now I can see why all the girls last week were going on about Jock Dan. Not that he gets any substantial airtime this week, mind you.

Oh! I guess Holly is on this show after all. It's decided that someone needs to serve Holly her breakfast naked since she posed for Playboy. Oooooooookay. A pixellated Artist Tim does the honors as Jason looks on. Whee. THAT was exciting. The subplot, I mean.

Now we start a bizarre mix of new and previous confessionals. New Holly confessional: She thinks her classmates remember her as very formal, very determined, and very conservative. She has no regrets about having done the Playboy Big 10 issue and would do it again. Old Holly: Blah blah classmates shocked. Holly shows off her little bikini. Old Jeff: Blah blah recognized her in Playboy.

We see Holly refuse to play ball with Dave, who then shares with us that he thinks Holly is the quiet, wild girl who's taking baby steps to see what this is all about. He, Natasha, and Player Dan seem to be becoming a triumvirate of sorts, because here they are hanging out again as Natasha wheedles out of Dave that he'd ask Holly out on a Hall Pass if he had one. He tells us the exact same thing and says he's going to try to see if he can bring out any sort of wildness!

Leaving The Taming of the Shy Playboy Centerfold subplot aside for a moment, out of the clear blue sky Natasha and Sarah start dishing how much Nerd Ben has changed, which clues us in in the usual hamfisted way that Ben will also be a focus of tonight's episode. Sure enough, here he is in a confessional sharing that he was one of the dorkiest kids in high school and he gave up on "having game" awhile ago because it's just not in the genetics! This is making it hard for him to attract the attention of the women, however. He gives Patricia a flower and tells her he's going with this "continuing nice thing" and wants it on record. When she obliges, he deadpans, "Nice guys finish last though, Trish."

Natasha shares with us that she thinks Ben's really cool, but he was always really nervous around her so all that nervous energy made it not so fun to hang out with him. Ah. THAT explains it. Because I was kind of liking the two of them together in the first episode. Player Dan tells us that he thinks Ben was very shy and not very involved socially back in high school - if you look at the yearbook pictures, he looks like a little kid! New Ben confessional: Came to the reunion to change classmates' impressions of him. Old Ben: Blah blah gain respect.

The classmates are playing cards outside when they notice boxing gear has been left on another table! Jason then helpfully TELLS us they were playing cards outside when they noticed boxing gear had been left on another table! Yup, this is from the same company that did The Bachelor, alright. Ben tries on a mouth guard or whatever that thing is called. (Please don't email me with the correct terminology - honestly, I'm really not interested.) Sarah dons some gloves and starts whapping Dave. Heh. Tim and Chris playfully spar. Jason tells the group that they have to find out who has a grudge against who [sic] or who's not getting along. So wait - is this their idea or did the producers leave a note with the gear instructing them to do so? Where's Survivor: Thailand's Helen to clearly enunciate the treemail when you need her?

In any event, on cue, here comes smiling Bully Dave! Old Confessional Ben: Blah blah hated Dave blee blee Dave spit on him, although he elaborates this happened in the school golf team van and now he regrets just sitting there and taking it. Jason tells us they knew right then and there they had to set up a grudge match between the two of them. So did Ben suggest it or did the rest of the group suggest it to him based on that story? Oy. We know it wasn't Dave's idea, because he tells us he thought it was funny the match was set up between him and Ben because he thinks Ben didn't like him very much in high school. Funny how spitting on someone will kill the warm fuzzies like that, you know? Jason, who seems to have taken on the facilitator role in this project, tells everyone to get ready to rumble!

Everyone converges on the outdoor makeshift ring and Ben tells us that he sees this as an opportunity to wipe the slate clean of lingering bad feelings, while Dave declares this will be some funny sh*t! Jason is REALLY getting into this and acts as announcer/referee complete with whistle around his neck - which, come to think of it, makes sense because he used to box. He announces the two contenders, urges them to have a good clean fight, Patricia sounds the gong, and we're off!

Jason has to step in to remind them not to hit behind the head. Ben tells us Dave's an intense guy so he knew this wasn't going to be a passive ordeal. Dave tells us he started getting upset in there and he wasn't about to take it out on himself! "Eye of the tiger!" encourages Player Dan. Oh, help me. That was '82, not '92, and completely played out no matter what the year. Finally, Dave knocks Ben completely out of the ring. Maya dramatically dumps some product-placed AQUAFINA SPRING WATER on Ben in slo-mo.

When we come back from the commercials, we see the EXACT SAME FOOTAGE of Dave knocking Ben out again, only this time Maya dumps the AQUAFINA SPRING WATER on Ben in real time. Then, just to make sure we're COMPLETELY clear on the subject, we see the KO in SLO-MO. For crying out loud, we GET it!! We GET it already!! Uncle!! Good God, I'm starting to wonder if the Passions producers pinch-hit for this episode. Jock Dan tells us he gives Ben credit for holding his own in the ring. Ben shares he thinks he earned Dave's respect, which felt good. Dave similarly shares that it was nice to get in the ring with Ben in good fun no matter what grudges may have been held. Maya, sans AQUAFINA SPRING WATER, chimes in to tell us she thinks Ben's really changed and is getting into his groove. Hold onto that thought - it'll come up again later.