Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Sexes, Episode 4: Log Cabin Fever

Previously on Battle of the Sexes: The girls won Sergeant Says. Ruthie hung on in Dead Man’s Drop, voicing over that with every win from the ladies, they’re giving the guys a run for their money. Theo lets us know that the guys’ asses have been kicked once again. There are two extended shots of Puck. That cannot be a good sign.

Credits! Midtown! In my “Thoughts to Laterrian” segment last week, I forgot about his contribution to the opening credits. From now until the end of the series, the only visage of Laterrian we’ll be seeing is his whirling around with the dopiest smile on his face. It negates all the gung-ho “HOO-RAH!” rallies from the other episodes. Just another reason he should never do any more BMP shows.

Women’s Villa. A few of the girls talk about their success. Dan’s there, since he’s an honorary member of the team and all. In an interview, Anne says that the morale is high, and that the girls can pull off more wins. She asks Dan what the guys do after the events. Dan says that they yell at each other. Given the dancing from last week, I think he’s exaggerating. He adds that the girls don’t have to yell, since they win the events.

Jamaican countryside. Mark and Puck are being chauffeured in a golf-cart. Puck tells us that since his fiancé Betty and son Bogart are coming next week, he’d make special plans. “What better location to get married in?” he asks. I’m stuck on a child named “Bogart.” Then I start getting flashbacks of the Atticus/Cherry wedding from Dog Days. Not good. The duo spots an open meadow, and Mark has ideas for the ceremony. Since he’s the only married person on the show, Mark will be taking care of the plans. Puck will also let Mark hold Bogart during the procession. I start wondering if I could ask another RNO writer to recap the wedding when it happens.

Outside the Woman’s Villa, Puck asks how he could not bump the wedding date up. Ellen counters, wondering why he’d go through with this, since he barely knows some of the cast members. There’s some talking, then Ellen starts up, saying that Puck is “doing it all just for show.” Yeah, it does seem to be cutting close to Corey Feldman’s wedding on The Surreal Life. Now Puck thinks Ellen is rude, and she says the same of him. “I’m absolutely rude to people I don’t like,” he adds. Once again, his ex-roommates from San Francisco snort in derision. More arguing. Since I hate them both, I can’t take a side. Puck calls her a superficial person, and she denies that. All that was missing was a “HA!” from either Jisela or Blair. Ellen: “I think you’re an ass and a jerk.” Puck: “I’m 34 and you’re 24. Check yourself.” He forgot to add, “Before you wreck yourself.” Seriously, they’re acting like 10-year-olds. She asks if he has changed emotionally in the past decade. More bickering followed by dual confessionals.

Puck: “She’s a bad egg, and I’m gonna kick that chair from underneath her.”

Ellen: “The sheer fact that in a decade [eyes bug out], some one has not changed or matured, shows me that they have major social problems.”

Men’s Villa. Puck says that Ellen doesn’t realize that he’s Puck. Apparently, being Puck means never having to grow up or stop referring to yourself in the third person. He starts spewing some vile stuff on what he wants to do with Ellen. The other guys laugh, and there’s a shot of Yes, who should really know better than to encourage deviant behavior. Puck is now officially going after Ellen, but the other girls are okay with him. He adds that he could make Amaya cry in two minutes. Maybe three years ago, but she’s tougher now. Puck won’t mess with Veronica, since Eric N. wants to do stuff to her. There’s more filthy talk and laughter. If this is what Survivor: The Amazon is going to be like, I may as well not watch.

Chili’s Lounge. During dinner, the sponsor-labeled cell phone rings and Mark answers. Mark is wearing an unfortunate “100% American” softball cap. I wouldn’t expect anybody under 55 to wear that. He reads off tomorrow’s mission: brain game, get a partner, and wear shorts and sunblock. Isn’t sunblock mandatory at this point? “What if we have to eat brains?” Dan wonders. Then you’d be on Campus Crawl, scarfing that down with Eric J., Shane and Rachel. Speaking of Eric the Younger, he teams up with Syrus. In a voiceover, Eric notes that he’s at the bottom of the scoreboard. Rachel says that since the girls won the first two missions, the guys will have a lot more to prove. The registration board shows one pairing: Ellen and Tonya. I’ll accept that Tonya’s hitching her buggy to a fast horse. Yes: “We’ll let ‘em know what a spanking feels like, because we’re bringing it.” Anybody else think Yes has spent too much time with Puck?

Morning. Shots of sleeping cast members. Puck asks us if we want to see his morning wood. Shut up, Puck. Today, he turns 34. He tells a few of the guys that nothing would be better than a victory on his special day.

Ruthie has her hair pulled out by… hey! It’s Melissa! I guess the editors will forget about her until she lashes out at another cast member. Ruthie tells us that all the girls are having their periods, so there’s a lot of pain going around. According to Ellen, Anne has been experiencing the worst pain. Cut to Anne with Christina and Ruthie, with her knees on her chest. Christina reassures her that she doesn’t have to compete. Anne cries, saying she wants to do it, even if it means throwing up while doing it.