Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Sexes, Episode 4: Log Cabin Fever

Outside, Puck asks a few of the guys if they’d do whatever it takes to win. Turns out Colin got a back rub from Ellen last night and he liked it. Of course, Puck has more opinions of Ellen. He jabbers on and on: He wants to break her down mentally, he’s a jet with either thrust or no thrust, and he’s gunning for her because she “opposed the Puck.”

Back from commercials, there’s a shot of a small log cabin. Jonny Moseley welcomes everybody. Since the world revolves around him and only him, Puck interrupts Jonny to tell him about the birthday. Like Jonny is going to rush to the local gift shop and get something. Anyway, today’s game is Treehouse. The teams of two have to memorize the construction of the log cabin, then assemble it in that manner. For the winning duo, the prize is a Razor prize package: a scooter, a “punk bike,” and a pogo stick. People play with pogo sticks these days? Of course, the winners also get the Ion Lifesaver, which is dying to be used in a strategic manner.

“Model Inspection.” Everybody gets to feel wood. Jonny tells them about differently notched pieces. Lori goes over the design with Melissa. Dan and Jamie look it over. After five minutes, Jonny wrecks the cabin. There’s a wide shot of a net hanging in the trees. It falls, raining down logs in the process. Somebody yells “Timber!”

Chaos. From what I gather, one person runs to get the logs and is only allowed to carry two pieces. The other person stays behind, assists with the construction and wears a dorky plastic helmet. I got something like that in Bowie, MD, back in 1994, when the stadium was still being built as minor league baseball was being played. Back to the action, Eric N. shouts “two doubles” a few times. In a voiceover, Dan thinks the biggest mistake is to have a strategy. “The more you think about it,” he adds, “The more you’re just going to confuse yourself.”

Yes gets ready to tie a yellow ribbon around a post, yelling at Colin to get Jonny’s attention. I’m guessing that is how the game is supposed to end. A graphic tells us that it’s a photo finish, and that Dan and Jamie get first place, while Colin and Yes finish in second. Next, Jake and James finish in third. Eric J. and Syrus are cleared, as are Puck and Shane and Eric N. and Mark. Puck likes Shane. “Who says gay guys can’t build houses?” he asks. Shane doesn’t have an answer for that. Puck blathers on about how he likes seeing the girls stressed.

Amaya and Veronica are still working. Wow, I didn’t think these two rivals of Challenge 2000 would team up. Veronica is visibly stressed. In an interview, Dan says that all the guys are done, while the girls are still figuring out the foundations of the houses. Lori looks stressed. More shots of the ladies running around with logs.

Finally, Jonny clears a female team: Emily and Christina. Emily interviews that the men’s brains were wired for the mission, while the women got rattled. Mark high-fives Puck, happy that the women won’t get to sweep the entire Challenge.

Lori wraps her ribbon, and Melissa yells and bounces joyously. Jisela is screaming for Jonny to “bring that ass over here!” Jonny comes over to the Lori/Melissa cabin, finding an incorrectly placed log on the bottom. The Jisela/Genesis cabin’s door is facing the wrong way. Looks like the women aren’t doing so well. What do you think, Puck? “You guys are like snails!” he jeers. “My sister could build a house better than you!”

Ayanna manages to grab Jonny, and he clears the cabin she and Rachel worked on. After celebrating being the second female duo to finish, Ayanna runs off to help the others, starting with Ellen and Tonya. But Rachel doesn’t help, thinking she would be disqualified if she touches another person’s cabin. In a voiceover, Ellen notes this, thinking Rachel is choosing not to be a team player. Or maybe she doesn’t want to finish in a position where she would have to be voted off. Once again, I hate Ellen.

Puck: “You ladies got whooped!” And once again, I hate Puck. Jisela and Genesis turn the top of their cabin around, but it falls apart. “I know you little fillies are mad,” Puck says. “Keep buildin’” Jisela tries to calm herself and her partner down. “Our house is supposed to be this way, [Jonny’s] gonna have a house this way,” she says. “And if he says something else, I will hit him.” Aneesa yells for Jonny as Anne jumps up and down. Jisela runs around, muttering “Jonny is a [bleep]” a few times. Genesis: “Any guy wants to know what hell is like, be around a bunch of women who are on their period and PMSing. Because that's hell.” I’m not sure if that counts as a segue to Jisela’s rant. “I’m gonna [long bleep] CHOKE Jonny!” she yells, as Melissa and Ruthie hold her arm. “Where the [bleep] is he? Where are you, Jonny?” Jonny looks into the camera, clearly amused at Jisela. Not smart.

Back from the break, Jisela is still ticked and Ayanna has to calm her down. According to Emily, the guys are now helping the remaining female teams finish the mission. Jonny spots a flaw in the Ellen/Tonya cabin. Jisela/Genesis? Done. Ruthie/Gladys? Done. Veronica helps out Ellen and Tonya.

The game must be over, since Jonny announces that Jamie and Dan are the winners. Dan wastes little time is grabbing a scooter and rolling as far as the thick grass will let him. One of the guys bounces on the pogo stick, so I’m guessing all the guys get the prize package. Jamie and Dan are also the proud owners of the Ion Lifesaver. Jonny concludes the meeting, saying that the scores will be posted in 90 minutes.

Back at the Lounge, Colin’s on a couch, his foot on a pile of pillows, while Dan paints his toenails. Turns out that Colin rolled his ankle on a log and hurt it. Dr. McKenzie, the local physican, feels it, suggesting that it’s a sprain. Puck asks how long Colin would be out, and Dr. McKenzie thinks it would be two days. In an interview, Colin is ready to accept the outcome, but he adds, “I’m not looking to go home right now, or lose my lead.”