Star Search, Episode 6: The Audience Shows Who’s Boss

The show opens up this time with Arsenio discussing the night before when Naomi Judd gave one comedian only a single star. Arsenio doesn't understand her vote and says they could grab a flatulent guy from the audience to come up a fart out the “Star Spangled Banner” and he would deserve at least one star – what is up with her voting like that?

Naomi says the country is just not honest anymore and the guy stunk and apparently America was being a bunch of liars by voting him through. (So Naomi is trying to be the Simon Cowell of Star Search…)

Arsenio seems to accept this until he goes to introduce her and calls her a mother____ pregnant pause... of Winona and Ashley. He calls Ben Stein the all-time winner of the Star Search spokesnerd category. Carol he lays off, just saying she wrote Seinfeld. (Co-wrote, Arsenio!) Out guest judge tonight is none other than that incredibly famous person everyone loves... Countess Vaughn James. Uh huh, y'all know the Countess, she was the previous winner in the Junior Singer championship years ago and is now on some show on the WB.

Speaking of the Junior Singer category, Karen Flores is our first contestant and she is 13. Karen sings “Run To You” by Whitney Houston. I am immediately confused. Is she singing this in Spanish? No, my husband reassures me that it is English, but she seems to be singing it with a Latino accent. I think it sucks. Simon would laugh at her. She does emote well, but she is out of control and off key. What do the judges think of her? They love her!

Naomi - 4, sounds like someone three times your age. You're a little crackerjack, a powerhouse.
Ben - 5, if this girl is not perfect, then the word 'perfect' has no meaning.
Carol - 5, filled with such emotion for someone so young, I don't know what you have been going through on the playground.
James - 5, you are such a little lady, loved the way Karen was dressed.
Judges' points - 19

Kailey Ervin comes out next and sings Trisha Yearwood's “Down On My Knees.” She is as good as any country singer out there today, but still very country sounding. Not great.

Naomi - 4, Trisha would be honored; you are an original, we will see you again.
Ben - 4, very much like Patsy Cline. Incredible authority.
Carol - 4, sees a big future for Kailey, unfortunately she has it tough following an act like Karen.
James - 4, excellent stage presence.
Judges' points - 16

The audience shockingly (although not to me since I didn't think Karen was all that great anyway) gives Karen only 13 points and Kailey 17. Kailey squeaks out a one-point victory with a final score of 33-32. Arsenio tells America they are crazy. Nope, just being honest, like Naomi said they should be.

Next we have the Supermodel competition. Joanna Krupa is first and looks like a life-size Barbie doll.

Naomi - 5, has never given a model five stars. She whistles and calls Joanna a "package"
Ben - 5, "She beats even a German shorthair pointer!" Apparently he likes dogs. Is this a compliment?
Carol - 4, calling her a knockout. “She is perfectly proportioned, and I hate her."
James - 4, tells her she is working the labels (??)
Judges' points - 18

The second model tonight is Heidi. No last name. Very cool dress, best dress yet. She says she is considered too old to model at 26.

Naomi - 4, calling her a black-headed Barbie, says the largest demographic is women over fifty. Arsenio says she is making stuff up.
Ben - 3, lil more junk in the trunk than I like.
Carol - 3, cannot believe that 26 is considered old in modeling.
James - 3, “you looked really nervous."
Judges' score - 13

Time for the audience to vote. They go against the judges again, but not by enough. With 32 stars, Joanna Krupa beats Heidi's 28. Heidi is headed to the old folks home for retired models (the nearest airline). Arsenio asks Joanna if she likes Phil Donahue or Bill O'Reilly better. Joanna "duh”s a moment and responds with O'Reilly. A few members of the audience clap and Arsenio says Republicans drive him insane.