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Meet My Folks, January 25 - The Maloneys, Part 3: Always the Bridesmaid…by Susan Schechter -- 01/26/2003
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From last episode, only three girls remain. Exotic Chelsea, Kinky Tawny and Makeout Stefanie. Who will win? Who goes with Dan to Europe? Find out on tonight's shocking conclusion of Meet My Folks!
Friday 4:45pm at the Maloney house. Mom and Dad Maloney aren't around, but the girls are - and they are whining. Chelsea says each of the three remaining girls have a good chance of being the one to go to Europe with hunky son Dan. Stefanie says she has a good chance because she won the intelligence test and she is athletic. Well, Stefanie, honey, not to burst your bubble, but my former cat would have passed that intelligence test with flying colors. Even she knew there were 50 states in the country, not 52! Tawny says her goal is to have Dan come to her house and meet her Mom. May I add that Tawny is the only one wearing a top that leaves nothing to the imagination? The ratings for this show should be going through the roof once the males in the audience see this shirt.
The fax machine rings. The girls look thunder-struck. Let's face it, on this show the fax machine always seems to bring bad news. Ominous music plays in the background. All three girls go over to it and read the fax together. Each of the girls must complete a secret task while cooking dinner with Mom that evening. They can decide among themselves who does what task. One girl must sneeze into the food twice. Another girl must take three bites of the cooked chicken and then put it back into the platter. And the last girl must drop the platter of gnocchi and then scoop it up before it goes into the oven.
Mom's kitchen looks like something Martha Stewart would be at home in (no, not a smoky back room with a bunch of insider traders). Mom says she was going to let the girls make the meal and she was going to supervise. Chelsea makes the salad, Stefanie made the chicken, and Tawny makes the gnocchi. Mom is getting upset with the girls as they do their secret tasks, all of which are rather unsanitary. She's smiling, but you can tell she's getting more and more annoyed. The piece de resistance is Tawny dropping the plate of pasta and telling Mom the floor is clean so they can put it back, right? Poor Mom. But the weird thing is, you get the feeling here she likes Tawny just a bit more than the other two girls.
The entire family sits down to eat. Dad says it looks great and Mom says, "you should see what got away." The fax machine rings as they raise their wine glasses and start to eat. The fax is for Mom and Dad, who are told the girls had been instructed to do a secret task. So Mom is all smiles, knowing they wouldn't have done that on purpose, and all is right again.
10:30pm. Mom and Dad decide to go to bed. The doorbell rings. There are three crying babies outside. Not real babies, but computerized babies that look and sound like real crying infants. Mom and Dad get the girls, who aren't too thrilled to see the babies. The note with the babies says that Mom and Dad said whichever girl they pick for their son must have excellent parenting skills. The girls have to take care of one of these babies as they would their own child and show Mom and Dad what a great mother they can be. Chelsea is the only one who seems to be okay with the baby; the other two girls really don't seem to be comfortable.
The girls stay up all night with the babies, feeding them bottles of milk, changing them, holding them, etc. Still they cry. Mom and Dad get another delivery, this time clothes and toys for the babies, and books to read to the babies. Dan is also helping with the babies, and to his credit, he seems to be getting into helping out too. The first bedtime story is "Chelsea and her Evil Temper." So it's not Dr. Seuss. Chelsea reads it out loud, and Mom and Dad exchange worried glances as they hear about Chelsea and how she supposedly trashed a friend's room. She denies it. Stefanie's story is "Stefanie the Jealous Girlfriend." Did Stefanie follow her boyfriend into a strip club incognito to see if he was cheating on her. Stefanie admits to it because she'd had boyfriends cheat on her before. Tawny's is "The Girl Who Loses Interest." Does she sleep with guys and then move on? Well, sort of. She says she moves on if that's all the guy wanted.
Mom and Dad go off to bed. As they are lying in bed they get a fax telling them if they want to see how the girls are doing with the babies, to turn on the TV. 11:19pm and all the babies are crying and the girls are clueless as to how to make them stop. Mom says they watched it for as long as they could take it, but then they realized they don't have to watch it anymore and they went to sleep. 12:05 in the morning, the babies are still crying. Tawny has a migraine. 1:55 am one of the girls is changing a baby, but they are still crying. 2:30 am still crying. Chelsea is feeding her baby. 3:17 am Tawny is changing her baby, she looks wiped. 3:57 am babies still crying, but are winding down for the night. 4:20 am , Stefanie's baby is still crying but Stef fell asleep.
Saturday 7:00 am Mom wakes the girls. The babies are sleeping too. It's a miracle! Dad says the babies are computerized so they were tracking every move the babies made. Based on the number of minutes crying and the number of "signals" (like hunger or wet diaper) missed, Chelsea turns out to be the best mother with Tawny second and then Stefanie. The fax rings, but this is a nice fax. It tells Mom and Dad that Chelsea volunteers at her local humane society. Go Chelsea!
Because the girls did their mini-task (ruining dinner, remember), they get to go on mini-dates with Dan the hunk. Stefanie and Dan go out first. Dan takes Stefanie roller skating. The date hardly gets any air time, but the viewer does learn that Dan's shoes are a size 12. Just had to get that in there… Meanwhile back at the house, Mom takes Tawny outside for a bit of relaxing. They sit outside and schmooze. Such a good sign - Mom really likes Tawny best.
Mini-date two is Chelsea and Dan. They go to an art studio where they do some body art. That is, they paint each other and then use their bodies to paint the canvas. But let's face it, they were more interested in rubbing paint all over each other than the canvas. You can tell that Dan is really infatuated with Chelsea.1 2 Next-->
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